Above is an image taken a million years ago in 2009 during a screening of Titanic in which all of the viewers dressed in old-timey clothing and sat in rowboats, and it reminded me of this Titanic recreation voyage going on right now that I do not understand at all, because what?, and also why?, and noooo!, and it also reminded me of the real-time Titanic Twitter account going on right now that I DO understand for sure, but mostly it reminded me of THE WORST WAY TO WATCH ANY MOVIE THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN! Not one person in that (very timely) photograph looks like they’re 100 NAUTICAL MILES near even the idea of comfort. I certainly get that it’s a “thing” to watch Titanic in a rowboat, and I love “things,” like I would definitely watch Buffalo ’66 at a bowling alley* or whatever, but Titanic in a rowboat? No thanks. Not even comfortable enough to go rowing in for any extended period of time. Which brings me to my question: Is there a worse way to watch a movie than in a rowboat? I’ve thought of a few other scenarios to inform your decision:

  • In an empty parking lot just on the ground
  • Standing
  • Sitting in a grocery cart
  • On an almost broken kitchen table chair in an acquaintance’s home
  • Bleachers

Please take some time to think about it and vote in our poll:

Is There A Worse Way To Watch A Movie Than In A Rowboat?

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Thank you for voting. Titanic 3D in theaters now. (Via reddit.)

*Probably not true, actually.
Comments (40)
  1. In a rowboat with Mel Gibson, and you’re watching a movie about the Macabees.

  2. The worst is when I’m trying to watch a movie but then my neighbor closes his curtains. To this day, I still don’t know if that sexy pizza was ever delivered in Extra Large All-Undressed.

  3. I can think of one way that could be worse:

    How about watching a bootlegged version of”Meet The Browns” twice in a row on a Megabus due to technical problems that prevented the driver from ejecting the disc, whilst having to listen to a d00d in the seat behind you talk on his cell phone about the profitability of Bank of America for 4 hours?

    That could’ve happened to anyone really. It’s hard to know who, specifically, that happened to. But I’m sure it happened. And I would watch Titanic in a rowboat ten times over to remove it from my memory.

    • or how about watching scooby doo 2 on a bus somewhere in the mexican desert where the spanish over dub is ridiculously loud and a tiny girl sitting across from you is repeatedly vomiting into a towel, and this represents hour one of a 26 hour bus ride and the “valium” you purchased at a drug store in mexico city is obviously not real?

  4. In an apartment full of roaches.

  5. Maybe watching Silence of the Lambs in a skin suit? Or not. Depending on how much lotion it had put on its skin.

  6. Watching War Horse with everybody sitting atop easily-spooked horses that have just had a whole feeding bag of buttered popcorn.

    • What about one of those horrible “swim in” scenarios in which you’re in a public pool with a bunch of dirty kids who are peeing in the pool and you’re on a half-inflated raft and that movie is like 18 hours long and the only good part is when that guy gets chopped to pieces in the propeller and you’re laughing because FINALLY but then a bunch of 12-year-old girls start giving you the stink eye because that’s not funny at all. Yeah is, girls, yeah it is.

  7. Watching any movie starring Gwyneth Paltrow WITH Gwyneth Paltrow. (Yikes)

  8. Watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes in a zoo enclosure full of apes.

  9. With Zac Efron trying to put the moves on someone in the row behind you. Or in front of you. Horrific either way.

  10. With your brother and your friends who are also siblings, and it’s The Lion King, and you sit in the front row and spill your giant tub of popcorn on the floor right at the beginning and you’re in hysterics the whole rest of the movie and Mufasa’s death therefore is not moving because you can’t stop laughing. Later you’ll go to your friends’ house and play poker and keep laughing about nothing (literally, the words “cup” and “dollar bill” will set you off and it will be a running joke even 17 years later at your friend’s wedding). Actually that’s probably the best way to watch a movie.

    How about Armageddon with your extended family, where you’re sitting by your dad and you just sob and sob and sob when Bruce Willis sacrifices himself for Ben Affleck and it’s super embarrassing? That was a bad way to watch a movie.

  11. Those row-boats look really comfy Kelly, getting in and out of them might be an issue, but I can imagine enjoying such an experience. Don’t get all crotchety like Father Gabriel.

  12. Everybody who actually showed up just misheard when they were told that they’d be watching a crappy movie with a bunch of rowboats.

  13. On a broken-off wall panel only able to support one person’s weight?

  14. In 100 years are people going to watch Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close from atop a pile of rubble while donning old-timey early aughts clothes? #yes

    • no way, they’ll be watching everything is illuminated whilst sitting atop thousands of piles of boxes with labels like “forgotten lace collars of 1936 hairdressers” and “fragments of poems written on gingko leaves”, and they will be donning ill-fitting suit pants and kangol caps!

  15. When I first looked at that picture, I thought those people were watching Harry Potter dressed up in robes in boats like when the First-Years arrive at Hogwarts, and I got excited because I thought how fun that would be!

  16. Well, the boat could be sinking… that would be worse.

  17. Watching 127 Hours standing up with your arm trapped under a boulder.

  18. Sitting in front of Pee-Wee Herman.

  19. I watched a movie called Lucia y el Sexo with my mom because I was looking for Spanish language movies and the guy at the video store suggested it to me saying it was about a girl who stalks an author then they fall in love or something (“Hey mom, I have this movie for us to watch together! Can’t wait to have a definitely appropriate mother-daughter movie night with you!”) which, it turns out, it about a woman named Lucia who has a shit ton of graphic sex and features a cameo from a young lady who masturbates to her mother’s sex tapes while trying to seduce her step-dad.

    I think that scenario would have maybe been made more comfortable by watching it in a rowboat. It certainly couldn’t have been any worse.

  20. While drowning in the ocean and Christina Hendricks, who’s in a rowboat, is trying to sell you water.

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