In the great Jennifer Lawrence VS Miley Cyrus feud (I mean WAR) of 2012, the majority of war voters chose Jennifer Lawrence, Kate from The Hunger Grahams, as war winner. An understandable choice when matched against Miley Cyrus, someone whom you are all clearly just so jealous of. But how will Ms. Kate Evergreen face in the battle against the beloved animal rights/nude celebrity organization PETA?! YOU BE THE JUDGE AGAIN! From Peterson’s Hunting (of course):

Pass the squirrel guts on PETA bread, please. The Hunger Games‘ mega-hottie and Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence is apparently as cool in real life as she is playing Katniss, a bowhunting super badass survivor girl in the blockbuster movie.

The 21-year-old beauty gutted a squirrel in the most talked about scene for her role in 2010’s Winter’s Bone, (for which she was nominated). The scene was not faked, she told Rolling Stone magazine: “I should say it wasn’t real, for PETA,” she said. “But screw PETA.”

Screw PETA?! How dare she not lie and say that scene that she probably didn’t have a whole lot of control over in the first place wasn’t real, and HOW DARE PETA not have been successful in removing it from Hollywood history already. DO YOUR JOBS! Unfortunately, PETA has declined comment JK.

From Gothamist:

We’ve contacted PETA, and president Ingrid Newkirk told us this morning, “She’s young and the plight of animals somehow hasn’t yet touched her heart. As Henry David Thoreau said, ‘The squirrel you kill in jest, dies in earnest.’ We are told that this squirrel was hit by a car, but when people kill animals, it is the animals who are ‘screwed,’ not PETA, and one day I hope she will try to make up for any pain she might cause any animal who did nothing but try to eke out a humble existence in nature.”

And all was right and balanced in the world again. Rather than decide whose side we are all on in a cold, crass poll, please vote in your hearts: Jennifer Lawrence or PETA OR Henry David Thoreau? Kiss it up to God.

Comments (31)
  1. I bet she wouldn’t be as mean to Peta if he was bigger.

  2. what we’ve just witnessed is the rare instance when PeTa, a natural bully if there ever was one, did not strike first.

  3. The PETA you screw in jest, insufferably patronizes you in earnest.

  4. If Jennifer Lawrence isn’t careful, she will usurp James McAvoy’s spot as #3 in my heart (following Swinton and Sandwiches, naturally).

    FIGHT FOR MY LOVE, HOLLYWOOD STARS WHO HAVE NO IDEA I EXIST! WIN MY AFFECTIONS!

  5. I think Jennifer’s initial insight was right on the money. Everyone should just start lying to PETA, even about completely harmless stuff that doesn’t matter.

    • This is a good idea. From now on, I’m going to preface all my white lies with “For PETA’s sake, let’s just say…” And I’m going to start lying a lot more.

  6. No one in this story is quite as insufferable as Gothamist: “We’ve contacted PETA…” Good job, that was a totally necessary thing to do!

    • We’ve contacted Gothamist, and they told us this afternoon, “Hey! We’re a real place of journalism! Stop being a meanie pickpocket!” And then they cried.

      • You shouldn’t mock them. They didn’t just get some nobody copywriter in PR. They got the PRESIDENT!!! A position with so much responsibility that she has time to respond to “journalists” about ALL matters.

      • Oh! Messica! Since you just posted I’m going to assume you’ll see this reply. I’ve been wanting to compliment you on your choice of avatar for the past couple weeks! Gillian Jacobs has the BEST FACE for expressions, and you’ve picked a great one! I want a coffee table book of Gillian Jacobs faces. It would be such a good reference guide.

    • Seriously. Investigative journalism is a fucking joke these days (not at all a broad sweeping statement, for sure), so it’s nice to see it still getting walked in the celebrity sensationalism circles to relay the BORINGEST of faux-controversial messages.

    • Heh, I stopped reading Gothamist after they ran this piece of crap:

      “NYC Native In Tokyo: U.S. Media Is Fearmongering”

      http://gothamist.com/2011/03/15/nyc_native_in_tokyo_says_us_media_i.php

      Some douchebag who happened to be in Tokyo rants about how Fukushima is no big deal and that the American media is exaggerating the situation. Turns out he was kinda spectacularly wrong.

      I know this term is used and abused to the point that it has lost all meaning, but ugh, hipster journalism is the worst.

  7. Next thing you know, they’ll be killing tributes for real in Catching Fire. “Meh, at least they’re not squirrels.” – PETA

  8. All this hubbub has taken our attention away from the real issue, that the squirrel in question was a notorious tax cheat and deserved to be eaten.

  9. Winter’s Bone is crazy good. That is all.

  10. I’m sure this is so obvious that I’m just wasting all of our precious time even writing it, but nobody caused any harm to a squirrel that was already dead from being hit by a car . Unless they purposefully sought the squirrel out with their car (in this case, I’m assuming Jennifer Lawrence was driving) so they could use it in the movie because lord knows there just isn’t enough squirrel roadkill available in today’s market. Or if the squirrel was only injured by the hit and run and was still alive while being gutted. Or a combination of the two, which is the most likely scenario if we’re all being honest with ourselves.

    • If Sugar Bush Squirrel had volunteered as Tribute in The Hunger Games, shit wouldn’t have went down like it did. #GatheringNuts #WinterIsComing #HungerGames #GameOfThrones #MarkyMarkWahlberg #911NeverForget

  11. If Sugar Bush Squirrel had volunteered as Tribute in The Hunger Games, shit wouldn’t have went down like it did. #GatheringNuts #WinterIsComing #HungerGames #GameOfThrones

  12. Snarkiness aside, if they had purposely killed a squirrel just for a goddamn movie starring baby Mystique, that would be seriously gross. That squirrel could have done much bigger things with his life.

  13. I think the real issue here, is that judging from the above photo, Jennifer Lawrence is starring in a reboot of Baywatch.

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