In the great Jennifer Lawrence VS Miley Cyrus feud (I mean WAR) of 2012, the majority of war voters chose Jennifer Lawrence, Kate from The Hunger Grahams, as war winner. An understandable choice when matched against Miley Cyrus, someone whom you are all clearly just so jealous of. But how will Ms. Kate Evergreen face in the battle against the beloved animal rights/nude celebrity organization PETA?! YOU BE THE JUDGE AGAIN! From Peterson’s Hunting (of course):
Pass the squirrel guts on PETA bread, please. The Hunger Games‘ mega-hottie and Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence is apparently as cool in real life as she is playing Katniss, a bowhunting super badass survivor girl in the blockbuster movie.
The 21-year-old beauty gutted a squirrel in the most talked about scene for her role in 2010’s Winter’s Bone, (for which she was nominated). The scene was not faked, she told Rolling Stone magazine: “I should say it wasn’t real, for PETA,” she said. “But screw PETA.”
Screw PETA?! How dare she not lie and say that scene that she probably didn’t have a whole lot of control over in the first place wasn’t real, and HOW DARE PETA not have been successful in removing it from Hollywood history already. DO YOUR JOBS! Unfortunately, PETA has declined comment JK.
We’ve contacted PETA, and president Ingrid Newkirk told us this morning, “She’s young and the plight of animals somehow hasn’t yet touched her heart. As Henry David Thoreau said, ‘The squirrel you kill in jest, dies in earnest.’ We are told that this squirrel was hit by a car, but when people kill animals, it is the animals who are ‘screwed,’ not PETA, and one day I hope she will try to make up for any pain she might cause any animal who did nothing but try to eke out a humble existence in nature.”
And all was right and balanced in the world again. Rather than decide whose side we are all on in a cold, crass poll, please vote in your hearts: Jennifer Lawrence or PETA OR Henry David Thoreau? Kiss it up to God.