Oh man, you guys.
So, OK, Jack and Kate, WE’VE GOT TO GO BACK, all that. The lawyer with his maternity suit. I wish someone would take Aaron away from Kate. I wish someone would take everything away from her. Why can’t she be the one in the casket? Then there was Sayid getting attacked by the orderly in the hospital with Kate’s address in his wallet? What was that all about? Is all of this just Ben’s way of lighting a flaming arrow under their butts to get them to want to go back to Snap Island? We know that he hired the lawyer, but who hired the tranquilizer hitman? That woman from the bakery? “Just let me get these Cinnabons in the oven and then I will be ready to kill.” And why do tranquilizers have little pom poms on them? So many new mysteries. There is, of course, the BIG SPOILER that Jin is still alive, and is now safely back on the island (“but WHEN is he on the island” — Daniel Farraday, always) with a young Danielle Rouseau. But none of that is as impressive as last week’s revelation about Charles Whidmore. NOW THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE A SPOILER ALERT. We already knew Jin was still alive, didn’t we? Come on, didn’t we?
But bad news, you guys. Lost fumbled a bit last night. I caught them in a PLOT LOOPHOLE. Luckily, it’s absolutely the only thing on this show that has ever not made sense, because this show is basically an airtight ship of impeccable plotting always. But, remember when Locke and Sawyer and them all got back to the beach looking for the motorboat to take them back to the Orchid?
OK, now, sometimes the camp isn’t on the beach. Right? Because the camp hasn’t been invented yet. Similarly, last week, everyone was in the army surplus tents with Richard Alpert and the Others, but then when there was a time-shift, the army surplus tents disappeared because it wasn’t the ’50s anymore, or whatever. So it follows that when this time-shift happened, SHOULDN’T THE ARTISANAL HAND-CRAFTED ROWBOATS DISAPPEAR? Caught. I caught you, Lost.
Admittedly, this is why I hate time travel. Obviously it would be cool to go back in time and KILL HITLER, but otherwise it’s just too messy and complicated. Like, shouldn’t they be time-shifting in and out of their clothes? Depending on whether or not those clothes have “happened” yet? A: True. Especially Farraday’s skinny tie. That is a very time sensitive article.
“Time travel’s a bitch.” — Sawyer.