Guys, the Jewish holiday of Pesach, or “Passover,” begins tonight. This is a celebration of the Jews escaping slavery in Egypt. And what better way to celebrate this monumental event than with some BRAND. NEW. MOVIE. TRAILERSSSSS!

To Rome With Love

I feel like at this point new Woody Allen movies are just a public record of him verifying that the actors we like are good. “Yup! Love these guys, too, guys!” That’s Woody Allen. “Love these guys, fuck my daughter, want to fuck Scarlett Johansson.” That’s him exactly. But, so this looks pretty good if you like this kind of thing, which I do!

Savages

What on Earth? Oliver Stone + Taylor Kitsch + Blake Lively = IDK. Show your work! This is like a Natural Born Killers sequel meets some movie Quentin Tarantino wrote in the ’90s and sold on spec but didn’t direct himself? Something tells me the Savages soundtrack has an unfortunately high number of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult songs on it.

Bel Ami

WHAT. EVER.

Ted

I bet he’s a jerk in real life, that’s just my best guess bet, but I like watching Mark Wahlberg in movies so much. And so, yeah, this kind of just looks like a lowbrow-er version of The Beaver or something, and I’m not a big (haha) Seth MacFarlane fan, but fuck it! Wahlberg using his best “Welcome to Wahlburgers, may I take yer wicked ohdah” accent and I’m pretty much in.

Rock of Ages

Don’t care. Not even watching this one. How was it? Something something Glee? No idea.

Sparkle

Sure! In your face, Rock of Ages. Admittedly, it looks like a low budget Dreamgirls minus the Bey, and I didn’t even like Dreamgirls, but at least it seems like the music might actually be contained within the exegesis of the film, rather than people just bursting out into song to explain why they’re out of milk, or whatever. (P.S. I don’t like musicals!)

Comments (27)
  1. Gabe, you included a Take This Waltz tag but forgot to post a trailer/your thoughts? What do you think of this movie? Personally I think it’s cool that Seth Rogen’s comedic persona seems to work equally well in a dramatic role

  2. I’d watch Ted if the teddy bear wasn’t in it, but I’m not sure what they’d call it.

  3. Savages looks like it could be the next Smokin’ Aces….just pure bad-ass lunacy for 2 hours. I don’t like Seth McFarlane either, and TED is a perfect example as to why…squandered promise. the idea sounds awesome, but it’s nothing but shitty dick n fart jokes that clever high school kids could and have come up with. a damn shame.

  4. Also no one is surprised that Gabe hates musicals right?

  5. Sorry Oliver Stone. Sorry Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney. I’m not interested in any movie with Savage in the title unless it’s this one.


    (That’s not true, of course. This poster is by FAR the best thing about this movie. The film itself is SO BORING. I’m interested in SAVAGES, as I do like Taylor Kitsch, Benicio Del Toro, Salma Hayek, etc)

  6. bel ami. i think that title that reminds me of something, but…

  7. I was going to be angry that Alec Baldwin was in “Rock of Ages,” making me almost think about seeing it (there are few things I hate as much as 1980s “classic rock”), but he’s also in “To Rome With Love” so I’m glad I have a more appealing alternative to enjoy his talents.

    • It’s such a tough choice. Do I end up seeing the Alec Baldwin movie with Roberto Benigni, or the Alec Baldwin movie with Tom Cruise? Uggggh. Why didn’t Oliver Stone just cast Alec Baldwin in the Blake Lively role in Savages, thus creating the perfect film?

  8. Uh, maybe I am hearing this joke in the Woody Allen trailer wrong, but when he says ‘I have a 150 IQ,’ does his wife say, ‘You’re figuring it in Euros – in Dollars, it’s much less’? Because that’s definitely not true.

  9. robert pattinson(sp?) looks like a vampire in that movie too.

  10. I imagine this will be the only time Seth MacFarlane is asked to give a TED talk.

  11. is it racist to think that Rock of Ages looks better? it totally is, isn’t it.
    because RoA looks way worse and silly and is all white people (for no reason, whereas Sparkle is an all black cast for a specific reason)? but RoA knows it is ridiculous and and Sparkles does not and that’s the main factor for any musical. (I like musicals! but they are ridiculous no matter what! and technically Sparkle is not a musical but close enough! Whitney Houston!)!

  12. Savages looks horrible. Absolutely horrible. The Family Guy teddy bear movie looks better. And that is saying something.

  13. love how vamp rob pattinson looks in the last shot of that trailer.

  14. I sat through a lot of commercials before and after these commercials. Ya-Hooooooo

  15. the Family Guy teddy bear really looks great here. i like it

    Legacy

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