GAME. OF. THROOOOONNNNNNNNNNNES! Welcome back to all our old pals! And hello to some new ones! (I’m talking to you, RED COMET, hello, welcome!) Admittedly, last night’s episode was a little light on nubile young women emerging from steamy baths only to be taken from behind, but still lots of excitement. Tons o’ baby killing. That first scene when Peter Dinklage returns as Tyrion Lannister and is just straight SMIRKING his way through King Friday’s Castle is so goooood. Although my very favorite part was when Mayor Carcetti was like, “knowledge is power,” and Queen Blue Lagoon was like, “uh, no, power is power,” because SERIOUSLY. This whole “the pen is mightier than the sword” bullshit is exactly that: bullshit. Give me a coterie of armed guards over a Moleskin notebook any day of the week. Let’s see, what else: Joffrey stinks but of course, OF COURSE, he’s mostly just interested in interior design. That one wolf. That new witch. It’s fun! Guys? Nerds?

Comments (85)
  1. How long until Robb lops off Joffrey’s head and adds him to the spike collection?

  2. I thought it was kind of fun have Tyrion point out that aside from being a ruthless bitch, Cersei Lannister is also a fucking moron. You’d think that someone who spent their entire life immersed in court intrigue and whatnot would have gained a clue about strategy, but nope! And then she slaps Joffrey in front of all those people! What did she think her sociopath son WHO IS THE KING was going to do? Just be cool with getting slapped around in front of commoners?

    She’s right when she says that power is power, and Little Finger just about pooped his tunic, but she doesn’t have a clue where power comes from or how to keep hold of it.

    • There’s jut something about Joffrey’s face that draws people into slapping him…

    • it wouldn’t surprise me if he has his mother beheaded before The Starks get their ultimate revenge on the Lannisters. I don’t expect Cersei to last through this season. Although I wouldn’t mind a Cat vs. Cersei final battle royale!

      • I have not read Martin’s books and have no idea what’s going to happen.

        I have heard the phrase about Martin, which is something like “every time a fan pesters George R. R. Martin, he kills a Stark.”

        I would love for justice to prevail for the characters I like on the show, and fuck the Lannisters forever for Ned Stark (except Tyrion, of course), but something tells me we’ll be getting the story we need, not the one we want, and justice will play little part in it as an end result, but will certainly be a motivator.

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          • You spelled *spoiler alert* wrong.

          • Don’t just start extolling the spoiler-ish overarching plots of the books because a person not in the know wonders aloud the fates of the characters, man! Have you taken leave of your senses?

          • So right about that, “You want this? . . . Fuck you! You get the opposite” in general when it comes to Starks.

            [Minor minor spoilery]
            Martin does give some good beat downs on people that deserve it. Cersei’s cannot be predicted I believe even though when it happened I was like, “Of course!”

          • Ahhh, sorry all. Got a bit ahead of myself.
            If it makes things any better (it probably doesn’t) I only meant to follow up
            KajusX’s point in saying that Martin isn’t a very nice author. He is mean to the good folks,
            but I think we already knew that?

            Sorry again monsters, didn’t think i was spoiling that much. I shall be more wary next time

          • KajusX & Chainsaws, you make an excellent point and I’m somewhat guilty of it myself. I wonder if maybe there’s a possible forum for people that have read the books that can be full on spoilers?

            Most of my friends love the show but haven’t read the books and I’m DYING DYING DYING to talk about and speculate how stuff will play out on the show.

  3. I didnt care for this program but it was the first time I’ve ever seen it so maybe I just dont have all the references.

    True fact: when the horse keeled over and died in the desert I said, “Hey I didnt realize we were watching Luck.” Earned some LOLs action.

  4. Okay, Bing, let me search for that.

  5. “A bit corpse-y, yes.”

    ooooooooo the urbanity!

  6. What’s up now, “King Slayer”?

    • When he told Robb “3 victories doesn’t mean you’re a conqueror” and then Robb said, “It’s better than 3 defeats” and then BOOM! he set his WOLF on him!!!! SO GOOD!! Also good–Tyrion, Jon, Dany, Jorah Mormont (soooo different in this than when he was Sir Richard Carlisle), Arya—glimpses of all our old pals!!! And OMG. That Red Witch BITCH. Exactly as I pictured her in the books. HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Even though last night’s episode was understandibly light on stuff actually happening, there were so many great character moments. Sansa slighting Joffrey, Tyrion’s joking to the prostitute, John Snow trying to get into the good graces of the weird incest king, Bran as the new lord of Winterfell, all wonderful stuff. Plus all the things they’re setting up? I’m so excited! I already can’t wait for the next one.

    Somewhat off topic: how did Melisssandre come across? Because as a Dutchie I love Carice van Houten, but I felt her just having the Dutch accent was such a weird choice for her character. Still, the character was really bad-ass.

  8. I need a .gif of Tyrion smirking and taking a sip of his wine after calling Cersei “the disappointing child.” Holy shit, that was awesome.

  9. Dire wolves be growing…

  10. Joffrey reminds me of mind-reading Bart Simpson from that Twilight Zone parody in Treehouse of Horror. And also the kid from that Twilight Zone ep.

    What a little nightmare. This is why you don’t have babies with your brother or sister, you guysssss.

  11. “When boys and girls live in the same home, awkward situations can arise.”

    Characters really took the opportunity to go “BAM! inCESTed!” this week.

    • The way Robb said this was basically perfect.

      • I mean, I am definitely Team Lannister (not Joffrey, obvs, but uhhhm I actually do ship Jaime and Cersei…? uhhh) but at the same time I am SO up for all these sweeeeeet icy burns (and the thing is, Tyrion is so great at them. Probably the best at them. Keep the burns in the family). MY POINT IS, Sansa and Robb are consequently my favourite Starks.

  12. Cersei getting called out on her shit after a whole season of getting away with fucking EVERYTHING was a definite highlight, as was Tyrion’s sick, sick burns on her and Joffrey. Love how everyone BUT Joffrey at this point knows he isn’t actually Robert’s son.

  13. Not enough Sam

  14. In my on-going “Hottest in Westeros” poll, Robb Stark is holding down the number one spot and likely will not be relinquishing any time soon.

    He’s so badass and sexy and he loves his Grey Wind. He’s the best.

    • Counterpoint: Jon Snow. (Robb is quite attractive though.)

    • Since the death of my sun and my stars, I can no longer find other men attractive…

      Just kidding! They’re all really good-looking! This is a very good poll.

      • Exactly!!! But our Sun and Stars wasn’t technically in Westeros, I don’t think, so I think he was not included in the poll? I’m sure that’s it. Because he wins all the polls by default.

        • He is a very VERY attractive man.

        • These are very interesting points about the poll….last season I definitely had Drogo in the number one spot, Jon Snow number 2 (for the first few episodes), then Robb. Around midway through S1 though Robb just out-hottied Jon, mainly because he got to be all king-like and he told off Jamie (“We’re not doing it your way” – so hot).

          This season so far:
          1) King in the North…AND OF MY THIGHS
          2)Rakharo…seriously where did he come from? I remember S1 thinking “oh HEY” but I must have been blinded by Drogo. But I noticed him last night and helloooooo Rakharo!
          3) Jon Snow. He is pretty. And pouty. Pretty pouty.
          4) Jamie Lanister. So awful, but so handsome.
          5) Davos Seaworth. Older hottie!

      • I’m kind of a Theon Greyjoy girl, myself.

  15. OK, this was great, but:

    1) That comet was done in MSPaint, I think, and

    2) Someone gotta teach Daenerys how to look at a CGI thing.

  16. OH MAN WHAT A GREAT PREMIER! The awesomeness of this episode far outweighed my annoyance at the changes that where made from the book. The high points were Tyrion (duh) and Melisandra, but my favorite part had to be Jaime being scared shitless by Grey Wind. I was worried they wouldn’t be able to make the direwolves look big without seeming using obvious CG but it looked pretty realistic.

    • Yeah, the effects for the direwolf and the dragon looked surprisingly good. I’m sure they’re spending a shit-ton of time and money on that, so I hope we actually get to see more of them than the quick glances like in this episode.

  17. I can’t take any credit for this, but it sure makes me laugh. Joffrey Baratheon = Nellie from Little House on the Prairie.

  18. I’m late to the party, but GIFS, PLEASE!!!

  19. Hopefully we get to see more of this this season:

  20. Wonderful thread. Can we please have weekly episode recaps, please please please?

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