One of the most irritating things about when celebrities spill about shocking things from their past, like one time they had a bad haircut, or one time they didn’t even know that you can mix patterns as long as one of them is more striking than the other or whatever, is the implication that it is UNBELIEVABLE that these Celebrities have ever had to deal with these Human struggles. “Can you believe it.” “One time Ashton Kutcher had to get a mole on his back checked out but it was fine.” “One time Ashlee Simpson had lipstick on her teeth.” Uh, yes I can believe it? They are HUMAN BEINGS, as far as I know. I’m sure their human being bodies have failed them in the past, at least before they had teams of people trying to keep them looking Red Carpet Ready. I CAN BELIEVE IT! With that said, though, prepare to have your minds BLOWN with this shocking story from Salma Hayek’s disgusting past. From The Huffington Post:

“You want to talk about bad skin? I had acne. And this acne was so bad it sent me into severe, severe depression. Like I couldn’t leave the house. The next stage with that sort of depression is food – too little or too much. Guess what I did?… I was fat and broken out. I couldn’t leave the house and I couldn’t pay the rent!”

GROSS, SALMA HAYEK! How are you even famous now, you monster? Go back to your monster cave! WE REJECT YOU! WE REJECT YOU! Of course this segues nicely into Salma talking about her new skincare line, because celebrities are nothing if not just like us, constantly talking about when they were 25 and had acne oh and also by the way if you have acne you can buy something from our new skincare line. I just KNOW that if we hung out we would get along! So, please, next time you look in the mirror and you have acne and are overweightish (and can’t pay the rent because of it?), remember that you are just like Salma Hayek. And then go to your medicine cabinet and put on the lotion from your skincare line, because why haven’t you been using that all along? It’s yours! You are disgusting AND a dummy.

Comments (23)
  1. Salma Hayacne

  2. Check her senior photos out! Woof!

  3. This totally reminds me of the times I get zits.

  4. When I was looking for a good pun to make from the name of a movie she’s been in (there are none), I learned that Salma Hayek is one of those crazy pro-breastfeeding people. Did you guys know that? That’s so annoying! I liked her better when she just had acne!

    • One of those crazy pro-breastfeeding people like the Surgeon General? Man, I just HATE people who try to raise awareness about good health practices.

      • But everybody is aware of it! And nobody is arguing! I’ve never heard anybody say that breastfeeding is bad! Even the companies that manufacture infant formula concede that breastfeeding is a better option! There are all these crazies out there rallying for breastfeeding, and trying their best to defend the cause, but there’s nobody to defend it against! We all agree, you guys can relax!

        • Well, there are a lot of people who argue against breast feeding in public. Isn’t it related to that issue?

          • That’s something that is actually debated, but the majority of the arguments I hear are just how healthy breastfeeding is. Which we ALL agree on!

        • In my town, it’s actually quite challenging to find a child care center familiar enough with nursing moms to actually “allow” your child to have breast milk instead of formula. There are numerous incentives for them (the USDA voucher program for one) which encourage child care facilities to sign parents up for that program so that they will qualify for more federal funds, even though breast milk is free. And I know plenty of people at my office who roll their eyes when one of my colleagues, recently back from maternity leave, locks herself in the bathroom to pump. So yeah, maybe “everyone knows breast milk is best,” but the current support structure in place for working moms who nurse in our society could use some, well, support.

          • the answer? paid maternity leave for longer than the currently federal mandate of six weeks unpaid leave. i think the debate over breast milk is a major distraction from the actual problems facing working moms. we sure do love boiling everything down to personal choices rather than structural issues in this country!

        • Yes, the scientific evidence demonstrates that breastfeeding is superior to bottle feeding. But that doesn’t make a lot of difference when a working mom is stuck pumping in the office bathroom. Agreeing on the benefit leaves out a lot of the details of what actually needs to happen on a day-to-day basis over multiple months.

          I think we all agree that our overall messaging is breastfeeding is great, but acne is not.

        • Except that multinational corporations made a lot of money convincing women that formula was better than breastfeeding:

    • this weekend i was shown a youtube video of some news magazine show in England profiling a woman who’s 8 year old, and occasional 10 year old still breast feeds. she lets them decide when they no longer wish to do it.

      you should look it up, because i won’t.

    • I’ve always wanted to make a Salma Kayak pun, but her stories never have to do with lakes. Also I want to somehow change Brian De Palma’s name to Brian De Salma. Not sure how I’m going to do that one either.

    • As a gay man I can tell you I HATED breastfeeding. I even hated coming out of my mom’s you know what! I Used to make that spoon-fed-shit look whenever my mom wanted me to suck on her teat.

  5. I jus can believable!

  6. Acne can in fact cause depression. so its possible she’s actually telling the truth.

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