Oh no, you guys, we have a HOLLYWOOD EMERGENCY! Johnny Depp has been cast to star in a remake of the 1934 film The Thin Man, about a former private detective and his wife. In this movie, Johnny Depp will need someone to play the wife. And that’s where the emergency comes in: SO MANY ACTRESSES WANT TO BE HIS WIFE IN THIS MOVIE! Deadline has the scoop:

Rob Marshall next week begins meetings to find who’ll play Nora in the Billy Ray-scripted Warner Bros remake of The Thin Man. Here are the named I’m hearing who are interested in cavorting with Johnny Depp, who’ll play the tipsy socialite-turned-sleuth Nick Charles: Eva Green, Amy Adams, Emma Stone, Carey Mulligan, Rachel Weisz, Kristen Wiig, Emily Blunt and Isla Fisher.

Really, Johnny Depp’s character’s name is Nick and his wife’s name is Nora so I THINK HOLLYWOOD ALREADY SOLVED THAT PUZZLE, but if they MUST search for a new Nora it’s only right that we, the experts, help them out. Please vote in our poll to help them (Hollywood) out.

Who Should Play Johnny Depp's Wife In The Thin Man?

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Thanks for voting! She’ll let you know when she hears back from Hollywood!

Comments (22)
  1. It should be Amy Adams AND Isla Fischer. #olsentwinningit

  2. In a week filled with placenta-eating and unusual baby-feeding, it’s amazing that Kelly’s tacit endorsement of bestiality is only the third most disgusting thing we’ve talked about in the past 5 days.

  3. Johnny Depp in drag duh

  4. There’s nothing Fishie about this poll.

  5. If they HAVE to remake it, which I do not think they do, just get a dvd player, Hollywood, and rewatch the original, it is great, but if they HAVE to, I vote for Melanie Laurent. Or Tilda. But she should also be Nick. And the titular Thin Man. And everyone else. And also the writer/director/producer.

  6. Clearly our generation’s Schwan’s Drug Store is my spank bank.

  7. Wow, that’s some great suggestions from Deadline there. My choice from that list would definitely be 23 year old actress Emma Stone, who is still in a stage of her career where she largely plays high school-age characters. I can’t imagine a more natural casting for the part of a woman who has dated, married, and lived to the retirement of a detective played by Johnny Depp. Job done. Sorry, Birdie. Role’s taken.

  8. the good news is that Uggie will be getting more work.

  9. Using modern computer technology, I enhanced the blue dot and discovered his leading lady is none other than Smurfette!

    Or maybe Paris is holder her breath…

  10. or maybe I meant to post this image too….Enhance!

  11. i was really hoping they would forget about this plan. just fuck off, johnny depp. you will never be william powell.

  12. For a second I thought it said ‘Who Should Play Johnny Depp’s Wife In the THIRD Man?” and I got so excited to make some references to the many lives of Harry Lime and “He’ll have you in a dither with his zither!” etc. Oh well.

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