Guys, seriously, NO TIME, there are a million trailers this week and we just need to get to it. “Aww, but Gabe, what about your completely pointless and unguided Friday afternoon pre-trailer ramble that is so clearly designed just to take up some space on the page before we get to the actual trailers which is the only thing we really care about and sometimes we don’t even care about that?” Too bad! Life’s hard! Let’s go!

Safety Not Guaranteed

This looks good, sure! Hi, everyone from TV but also fake Abed.

People Like Us

This movie looks totally fine in that it has pretty, compelling actors in it, and maybe a well-done dramatic story about real family stuff, who knows, but it’s also one of those movies like Rabbit Hole, or something, maybe not Rabbit Hole because that was 10 times more INTENSE, but one of those movies that I just imagine seeing on Netflix Instant and being like, well, no, I am not in the mood for that, I am going to finally watch Hot Tub Time Machine and see what that’s all about, and just do that forever and ever.

House at the End of the Street

Right. I do like that little laugh at the end of the trailer. That’s a good horror thing to do! If I liked horror movies I would be like “Yeah!” That being said this trailer is very confusing, but I guess that’s the point, but also I’ve been seeing a bunch of posters for Cabin in the Woods this week, is that going to be good? I’m curious about it!

Rise of the Guardians

Fine.

Hotel Transylvania

Fine.

The Fourth Dimension

This is REAL ’90s. A movie made up of four short movies directed by different arty directors with very splashy plotlines and cameos and insane monologues and stuff? Yeah, no, very very ’90s for sure.

French The Dictator Trailer

Uh, why wasn’t this the first trailer for this movie? Movies! Why do you keep releasing very weird and unappealing trailers for yourselves first and then later showing much better trailers? It’s weird but you keep doing it! This has such a more interesting and funny premise than was ever suggested in the original trailer and also a Jon Glaser cameo. Good job, trailer!

Total Recall Teaser

Whoa. I’ve seen teaser trailers before, but I’ve never seen teaser trailers that were literally teasers FOR trailers. Are. You. Guys. Even. Ready. For. This. Sunday. On. Yahoo’s. Trailer. Page. On. The. Internet. Or. Whatever?! Relax, Total Recall teaser trailer teaser trailer. I hope they got the same lady to do that Mars airport head explode computer glitch scene. Also this looks a little derivative of Blade Runner, aesthetically speaking, but that makes sense because Blade Runner was so great, aesthetically speaking. (Also other ways!) Colin Farrell? Fair enough. SEE YOU GUYS SUNDAY BRING SNAX!

Step Up Revolution

Hahha, YESSSSS! Honest to blog, I had more fun watching Step Up 3D in the theater opening weekend than I did watching Avatar. That’s a fact. So, yes, I am on board. Admittedly, I could do without the Flash Mob as Plot Point thing, and the only people who I would ever call to save the Goondocks are the actual Goonies, but HELLO, MACFLY, DANCE BATTLES!

The Giant Mechanical Man

Is it just me, or are half of the movies these days just a random assembly of infinite variations of your favorite television actors, worrying about what they are doing with their lives and who they are falling in love with? It’s just me? But did you see the Safety Not Guaranteed trailer five minutes ago?! I’m not complaining I’m just pointing out that–Fine. Just me. Whatever. The hell with you guys!

Comments (26)
  1. “Fake Abed”? You racist. That guy doesn’t look anything like Abed!


  2. What’s up with Topher Grace’s hair?

  3. The Dictator looks LOLtastic. Also, MANTZOUKAS!!!!

  4. “If we don’t get 20,000 YouTube hits in the next five hours, the mob boss is gonna turn the dance studio into an oil factory!” – Step Up 4 Tha Web

  5. When a trailer uses the tagline “Sometimes the past is a present”, my future will certainly not include me watching this movie.

  6. I’ll be honest. I scrolled down looking for Prometheus trailers, and then went to youtube to watch them when they weren’t here. No diss on Gabe or his hard work, but I only have room for one upcoming movie in my heart.

  7. OMG Gabe, I have come from the past to tell your future self do NOT watch Hot Tub Time Machine. Do whatever, I mean, it’s your life that will be wasted but please, everyone, re-watch Cosmos or just really just about anything else. I wish I could go back in a Hot Tub Time machine to un-watch that movie. Anyway, carry on.

  8. Wait. Is Santa Russian or Scottish?

  9. Kind of a busy day at work right now so can’t watch all these, but the trailer for The Dictator made me genuinely LOL when he slapped that guy across the counter! Reminds of “”Coming to America” or something, but with an edge. Also, was that Kate Beckinsale in the Total Recall remake? Too lazy to look it up on imbd. But yeah. I really don’t like Kate Beckinsale at all. That is all.

  10. House at the End of the Street. Cabin in the Woods. How many people were on the committee to come up with the titles for these movies?

  11. I am usually a big scaredy cat (or bear?) when it comes to horror movies, but I am seriously considering going to see The Cabin in the Woods in theaters; the early reviews have been super positive.

  12. But Gabe….I LOVE my favorite TV stars! Put them in all the quirky movies! Why isn’t Rashida Jones married to an asexual professor played by Alec Baldwin but having a crush on a circus dancing bear tamer played by Donald Glover? WHY? GIVE ME?

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