Guys, seriously, NO TIME, there are a million trailers this week and we just need to get to it. “Aww, but Gabe, what about your completely pointless and unguided Friday afternoon pre-trailer ramble that is so clearly designed just to take up some space on the page before we get to the actual trailers which is the only thing we really care about and sometimes we don’t even care about that?” Too bad! Life’s hard! Let’s go!
Safety Not Guaranteed
This looks good, sure! Hi, everyone from TV but also fake Abed.
People Like Us
This movie looks totally fine in that it has pretty, compelling actors in it, and maybe a well-done dramatic story about real family stuff, who knows, but it’s also one of those movies like Rabbit Hole, or something, maybe not Rabbit Hole because that was 10 times more INTENSE, but one of those movies that I just imagine seeing on Netflix Instant and being like, well, no, I am not in the mood for that, I am going to finally watch Hot Tub Time Machine and see what that’s all about, and just do that forever and ever.
House at the End of the Street
Right. I do like that little laugh at the end of the trailer. That’s a good horror thing to do! If I liked horror movies I would be like “Yeah!” That being said this trailer is very confusing, but I guess that’s the point, but also I’ve been seeing a bunch of posters for Cabin in the Woods this week, is that going to be good? I’m curious about it!
Rise of the Guardians
The Fourth Dimension
This is REAL ’90s. A movie made up of four short movies directed by different arty directors with very splashy plotlines and cameos and insane monologues and stuff? Yeah, no, very very ’90s for sure.
French The Dictator Trailer
Uh, why wasn’t this the first trailer for this movie? Movies! Why do you keep releasing very weird and unappealing trailers for yourselves first and then later showing much better trailers? It’s weird but you keep doing it! This has such a more interesting and funny premise than was ever suggested in the original trailer and also a Jon Glaser cameo. Good job, trailer!
Total Recall Teaser
Whoa. I’ve seen teaser trailers before, but I’ve never seen teaser trailers that were literally teasers FOR trailers. Are. You. Guys. Even. Ready. For. This. Sunday. On. Yahoo’s. Trailer. Page. On. The. Internet. Or. Whatever?! Relax, Total Recall teaser trailer teaser trailer. I hope they got the same lady to do that Mars airport head explode computer glitch scene. Also this looks a little derivative of Blade Runner, aesthetically speaking, but that makes sense because Blade Runner was so great, aesthetically speaking. (Also other ways!) Colin Farrell? Fair enough. SEE YOU GUYS SUNDAY BRING SNAX!
Step Up Revolution
Hahha, YESSSSS! Honest to blog, I had more fun watching Step Up 3D in the theater opening weekend than I did watching Avatar. That’s a fact. So, yes, I am on board. Admittedly, I could do without the Flash Mob as Plot Point thing, and the only people who I would ever call to save the Goondocks are the actual Goonies, but HELLO, MACFLY, DANCE BATTLES!
The Giant Mechanical Man
Is it just me, or are half of the movies these days just a random assembly of infinite variations of your favorite television actors, worrying about what they are doing with their lives and who they are falling in love with? It’s just me? But did you see the Safety Not Guaranteed trailer five minutes ago?! I’m not complaining I’m just pointing out that–Fine. Just me. Whatever. The hell with you guys!