Hey, I wasn’t here yesterday and didn’t watch Mad Men until last night so it’s kind of like today is Monday for me and, well – MAD MEN? You guys definitely watched it, I can see. Did you all bring up how there was no Betty Draper at all, other than when the kid asked Don if he wanted to go inside and see her, something he probably ALWAYS does normally, and he said no? Well, did anyone bring up how maybe January Jones was unable to be in the episode not because she was pregnant but because she was BUSY PRACTICING WITCHCRAFT? From People:

Jones’s secret to staying high energy through the grueling shooting schedule? “I have a great doula who makes sure I’m eating well, with vitamins and teas, and with placenta capsulation.”

You read right: Jones is eating her own placenta. “Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins,” she explains. “It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

Jones has taken the capsules every day since right after she had her son, and also anytime she feels tired or down. Jones insists, “It’s not witch-crafty or anything! I suggest it to all moms!”

Uhhh, NO ONE brought up anything about placenta capsulation (certainly something that people probably have lots of opinions about, most of those probably being the opinion of yuck, but) being witch-crafty, JANUARY JONES! “I don’t know, I also have a smoothie every morning, it’s not part of a very elaborate witch-crafty routine my witch-craft advisors have set up for me or anything like that, haha, it’s just a smoothie, definitely nothing witchy or anything about it, I don’t even put on my witch had to drink it I mean I DON’T EVEN HAVE A WITCH HAT.” And speaking of that pregnancy, is there still no father? Could that be not because it’s your private life and/or the reveal of the father would be scandalous, but because the father is some kind of witch devil demon like if Rosemary’s Baby had been consensual? TELL THE TRUTH, JANUARY JONES! IT IS OUT THERE! AND IF YOU CAN, PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO MAKE MY HAIR TURN DIFFERENT COLORS LIKE THEY DO IN THE CRAFT!

Comments (31)
  1. Yep, she’s a total B (-witched).

  2. Can we all agree that she tried to eat the whole baby and just missed?

  3. eating your own placenta seems a small price to pay for that bod.

  4. I would looooooove to see the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce pitch for “Encapsulated Placenta!”

  5. “It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

    We’re also the only mammals who build fires, cook our food, and use typewriters, so unless you’re willing to give those things up, ya logic burnt, January.

  6. We’re also the only mammal that walks upright. Doesn’t mean we should start moving around on all fours.

  7. I don’t know. I’ve heard this “I’m not a witch” thing before, and I don’t recall it ending well…..

  8. The bat whiskers, mummified toenails, black cat fat, vampire blood, gargoyle sweat, troll teeth, broom sweepings, and newt eyes I put in my oatmeal today didn’t have a thing to do with witchcraft either.

  9. I’d probably like January Jones more if she were a witch. At least that’d be interesting.

  10. Didn’t Mel Gibson and his girlfriend bury their placenta in the yard? And look what happened to them. Maybe is DOES have mystical powers.

    (JK. Gross.)

    • Burying a placenta underneath your house is the polar opposite of building a house on top of an ancient graveyard. Mel Gibson pulled a Reverse Poltergeist.

      (JK. Simmons.)

  11. i think it’s weirder to be the person who makes these pills than it is to be the one who takes them.

  12. Gandalf … you ARE THE FATHER!

    Go back to the shadow. You shall not be my baby mama!

  13. The story and picture combination in this post is creating a whole lot of cognitive dissonance in my brain here. On one hand, GROSS, and on the other, THE OPPOSITE OF GROSS.

  14. Iron supplements work well too.

  15. She’s absolutely right — all other mammals dehydrate, encapsulate, and then eat their placenta. None of them just stick their snout in it and eat it like a giant meatball.

  16. Turned into pills rather than turned into seared tenderloin with a balsamic-placenta glaze over a bed of braised endive? Bobby Flay, you are NOT the father

    Pictured above: Bobby on vacation with his one true love

  17. Well I guess I know what I will be talking about when I get to hang-out with January. My wife did this after our son was born. I was the lucky guy who dehydrated the placenta, ground it into dust, and placed it into capsules. We regularly have tea with Gandalf, and Julian Sands. Seriously though my wife felt great while she was popping the pills.

  18. Am I the only one who cheered out loud when January Jones was blown up in “Unknown”? I have never seen Mad Men and watching her throughout the movie I thought there was something wrong with her character, as if she were brainwashed or something. Nope, that is just how she acts in everything apparently.

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