It’s crazy how long you and Geraldo have been together. We’ve all had our share of serious relationships and long-term commitment, but for those of us without a decades long relationship under our belts, the time you two have put in together is a straight up INSPIRATION. How do you make it work?! My guess is that you are just constantly surprising each other, and renewing your vows of awfulness. Like this morning when your boyfriend went on Fox and Friends and said that Trayvon Martin was killed because he was wearing a hoodie. Eek! Aww! From TPM:

Rivera told his colleagues at Fox and Friends that he thought Zimmerman “should be investigated to the fullest extent of the law and if he is criminally liable, he should be prosecuted.” But he also said there was another culprit in the 17-year-old’s death: his choice of clothing.

“I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was,” Rivera explained.

“That’s my man!” – You

Good grief. Geraldo is a grown man, a news professional, and it is the year 2012. So it shows a particularly powerful strain of confidence and assholeishness that he feels completely comfortable going on national television and pulling out some archaic, blame-the-victim bigoted bullshit like this. Trayvon Martin was ASKING FOR IT with his SLUTTY OUTFIT. No. And in case you were worried that Geraldo Rivera, your lover and your best friend would simply detonate a nightmare bomb like “Trayvon Martin got killed for wearing a hoodie” and then drop the lavalier mic and walk off the soundstage, DON’T FRET! He gets way worse when he starts explaining his position in detail:

“What’s the instant association? It’s crime scene surveillance tapes. Every time you see someone stick up a 7-11, the kid is wearing a hoodie. Every time you see a mugging on a surveillance camera or get the old lady in the alcove, it’s kid with a hoodie,” Rivera continued.

“Remember Juan Williams, our colleague? He got in trouble with NPR because he said Muslim formal garb at the airport conjured a certain response in him? That’s an automatic reflex. He wasn’t defending it. He was explaining that’s what happened when he sees these particular people in that particular place,” Rivera opined.

“When you see a Black or Latino youngster, particularly on the street, you walk to the other side of the street. You try to avoid that confrontation,” he said. “Trayvon Martin, god bless him, an innocent kid, a wonderful kid, a box of Skittles in his hands. He didn’t deserve to die. But I bet you money, if he didn’t have that hoodie on that, nutty neighborhood watch guy wouldn’t have responded in that violent and aggressive way.”

GUHHHHHHHH. YOU LURHV HIM SO MURCH! What a piece of shit. Yeah, DO YOU remember when Juan Williams got in trouble? You could argue that the punishment was overly severe, but the punishment was in response to some racist nonsense. He didn’t just say that Muslim garb at the airport elicited a specific response in him, Geraldo, you lying, obfuscating, racist dick. He said that he gets SCARED EVERY TIME he sees a Muslim on his airplane. That is called racism. The end. When are you guys going to make it official and get married? You and Geraldo and Juan Williams? TRIPLE WEDDING!

Comments (72)
  1. Also everyone knows that skittles are the candy of choice of thugs, if he had sour patch kids and a diet coke and was wearing a blazer he’d still be alive today

  2. Also you’re afraid of latino youths Geraldo Rivera? You are half-Latino



  4. I blame Crisp for everything.

  5. I see where Geraldo is getting his inspiration from.

  6. A BOX of Skittles? He wasn’t coming from the movies, Geraldo, nor a Blockbuster Video, because those don’t exist anywhere anymore. #GeraldoHatesCandy

  7. If Geraldo ever gets whacked, you know it’s gonna be the mustache’s fault.

  8. Michael Cera better watch his ass!

  9. I do not want to actually wish ill on anyone but I hope that Geraldo walks barefoot of a million miles of legos. Fuck everything he said there. Fuck that he did not actually look into the case. Fuck that a national news station gave him a platform for this. Just, fuck.

  10. Speaking of reflexive associations Geraldo, that mustache makes you look like a pervert.

  11. If I were to get shot every time I was wearing a hoodie and eating candy, I would be shot a loooooooooot.

  12. I wish Geraldo would put on a hoodie. And then jump off a cliff.

  13. Story Time: Years ago, at this restaurant I worked at, Geraldo came in with two other dudes. It was quite busy and there was a bit of a wait. One of Geraldo’s friends came up to the host stand. This was their exchange.

    Geralbro: “I need a table for 3. It’s for Geraldo Rivera.”

    Co-Worker: “Yeah? Who the hell is that?”


  14. ““When you see a Black or Latino youngster, particularly on the street, you walk to the other side of the street.”

    Every single time, Geraldo. It’s crazy how well he knows me!

  15. ugh. yesterday i was watching cnn while on the treadmill, and a lady newscaster- i think soledad o brien, perhaps?- was speaking to a woman who was on a bus travelling from atlanta to florida to attend a vigil and protest for trayvon. and the woman was talking about how she worries about her own young black male son, and how easily she could see something like this happening to him, etc. and the lady newscaster was like, “have you talked to him about what how he should or should not behave in certain communities?” barf! the interviewee was basically like, “i dont think it’s ok to have to tell my child that he has to be worried about getting shot just for being in a place and being a young black male”. watching cnn at the gym, i’ve learned, is the best way to maximize my general rage into running very fast for very long periods.

  16. “I’m getting seriously worried about this rhetoric on hoodie control, guys.”

  17. I just did a search down this page and upvoted every mention of Crisp. Good job guys! #MakingItInAmerica #hoodies #providedyouarenotLatinoorBlack,duh

  18. Little bit of truth in what Geraldo is saying. I interpret the hood up as usually meaning up to no good.

  19. “When you see a Black or Latino youngster, particularly on the street, you walk to the other side of the street.” This would make it impossible for me to go home since there are soooo many Latinos in the building next to mine and on EITHER SIDE of my apartment my actual neighbors are of the black persuasion.

    On a related note, the building up the hill from me once hosted a Neighborhood Watch meeting and the flyers specified there’d be free food, so I went. It turned out to be a roomful of senior citizens worried that all the Latinos on our block were in a gang. “Well then we should be a gang of our own!” someone yelled. It was decided we would choose a color and get hats and shirts made, for when we patrolled our block. We would be called the “Ivar Hill Hawks.” It was also determined that we had endangered our lives just by attending the meeting, because the gangbangers were sitting outside memorizing the faces of everyone who’d walked into the building, and they would learn our schedules and then steal our TVs when we were out, or kill us when we were in.

    The food was decent. I never got a shirt, though.

  20. Geraldo Rivera then left the Fox News studio, shooting every jogger he saw in the fucking chest.

  21. Don’t the facts in this case sort of argue that we should actually be crossing the street to avoid the neighborhood watch, though?

  22. Geraldo makes a poor, insensitive argument that pretends to be realistic or worldly. I just want to point out how wildly inaccurate is his point about hoodies being “gangsta” signifiers, and that Geraldo would probably get himself into less trouble if he weren’t such a sham journalist before the insensitivity even enters the picture.

  23. You may love your boyfriend, but you don’t always have to like him. Especially when he says stupid shit like this just to get attention because he’s terrified of fizzing into oblivion.

  24. tumblr_m1crz04R7z1qbt59oo1_500.jpg

    Probably up to no good. “Stand your ground.”

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