HEY GALS. It’s friday. Do you have any plans? Do you know what you’re going to wear? The problem with this weather is that you want to wear no jacket and shorts and skirts with no tights because it’s warm during the day, but then the second the sun goes down it’s very cold. How is someone even supposed to deal with that? Stay inside and just go to bed until it’s over? Wow, that’s a very good suggestion. This is why I like talking to you. So, ladies, has anyone proposed to you yet? If yes, I’m sorry but I don’t think this will apply to you. If no, YOU’RE IN LUCK. I found the perfect diamond ring for your sweetheart to propose to you with, and for you to refuse to marry your sweetheart UNTIL he buys it with you to propose to you with. It costs $70 million and comes with this INCREDIBLE promo video of a party someone threw about it. Also it looks like garbage! WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?

Your sweetheart: Sweetheart, will you marry me?
You: Ooohhh…Ummm– How much of that ring is diamond?
Your sweetheart: What do you mean? It’s not a fake diamond, if that’s what you’re asking.
You: Sure, but, like, the band? Is the band diamond, too, or just like…?
Your sweetheart: No…Just the diamond is diamond.
You: Ohhh…
Your sweetheart: You wanted the entire ring to be made out of diamond? Are you serious?
You: I just thought you loved me enough not to skimp on the diamond part of the ring.
Your sweetheart: SKIMP! THIS RING COST [A LITTLE MORE THAN NORMAL RING AMOUNT]!
You: You don’t have to get upset. I should be the one getting upset.
Your sweetheart: Ok, well, you are clearly not the woman I thought you were.
You: Funny how you didn’t take me for a woman of TASTE.
Your sweetheart: I can’t believe I was going to marry you. This relationship is over.
You: GOOD.
Your sweetheart: Hahahaha
You: Aahahahahhahahhaha
Your sweetheart: Ahhh, that was funny. Of course I got you the full diamond ring. Here you go.
You: Thanks! I do!

Scene

(Via TheHighDefinite.)

Comments (15)
  1. First

    diamond ring

  2. Is Jesus, my date, gonna buy me that?

  3. So when my brother was going to propose to his then-girlfriend, my mother seemed to be against the idea. She didn’t SAY as much, but she gave him every stupid suggestion that could end the relationship. Given that he is a rampant mama’s boy, I’m amazed he had the common sense not to take any of them. My favorite was when she suggested giving her a cheap-ass fake engagement ring as a “joke.” Second best was her suggestion that they rent the wedding dress.

  4. Looks like you’re stuck with that size….extra jumbo? And if they can make it smaller, do you get to keep the scraps?

  5. I just want one of those classy diamond mushrooms. Nothing says high fashion like a fungus.

  6. Whichever Sierra Leone orphan found that diamond must have got, like, a whole nickel or something!

  7. We are the 0.0001%.

  8. It looks like one of those rings I wore in middle school (although I was more into fluorescent, or at the very least, striped). Here’s a quartz version though:

  9. So mad I watched that whole video.

  10. I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day next year. I’m gonna buy some sucker dinner and tell him Martha Stewart says he owes me this all-diamond ring.

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