People will tell you that having children changes your life, and opens your heart up in ways you never imagined. They’ll talk about the depth of love they didn’t know possible that has blossomed inside of them, or the relief that comes with putting someone else at the center of your concern rather than your own ego/career. Less common will be the more brute and obvious statements about the biological imperative, or the inescapable drive or desire to participate in the circle of life. Blah blah blah. Everyone knows the real reason to have children is so that you can prank them whenever you want and they can’t do shit about it. Haha. DUMB KIDS! For example, if you take your child to an amusement park and he or she falls asleep in their stroller, park the stroller directly in the path of the water flume from one of those log rides. They’ll get a hilarious wake up call that will almost make up for the lifetime of sleepless nights and crushing burden of being responsible for another human life. LOL.

The miracle of PRANKS.

Comments (11)
  1. Get out of that baby’s stroller, nine-year-old.

  2. Maybe his parents were trying to send him a message that kids who are old enough to do fractions in math class should probably stop using a goddamn stroller.

    • His parents probably forced him into the stroller. You get to go to the shorter lines that are wheelchair/stroller accessible! It’s the best!

  3. “Oh, NOW I get why they adopted all those kids.” – George Clooney.

  4. If getting your pants wet from a roller coaster is cool, then consider me the scaredy-cat Miles Davis.

    • HI FRANK LLOYD WRONG. I missed #HungerGamesChat earlier on the Teen Korner post and it is TOO LATE for me to post on that now because everybody knows nobody reads Vgum posts more than 30 minutes after they’re posted SO here is my update for all you and all the other New To Hunger Gamies (note: need to think of better nickname for club):

      The books finally arrived yesterday and I’ve just started on the second one today. The first one was really good, I don’t have a lot of complaints! I found the weird sci-fi technology and cartoonish costumes of the Capitol to be a little out of sync with the grittiness of the rest of the world Collins built up, but once I accepted that that’s just how things were in Panem I stopped thinking about most of it. The weird costumes I never fully got past though because although I know fashion is weird even in this world today (!!,) people who aren’t in to it generally are fully aware of how ridiculous and taccy it all is, whereas the tributes all seemed genuinely impressed with wearing leotards and capes made out of flaming streamers (I was picturing stripped tissue paper but that’s probably not what was intended), etc. This is sort of addressed when Katniss talks about how silly Effie (I think?) looks, but then at another point she talks about how “striking” Peeta looks in a “black suit with flame details”! I don’t care what kind of near-future dystopian world you’re living in, nobody will ever look good in a suit with flames drawn on it! That’s the worst. But that’s my only real Totally Valid Literary Criticism and it’s completely normal that I focused so much on it and I hope the movie proves me wrong and shows me that these stupid outfits can look chic or whatever. My other small gripe was **SPOILER ALERT**BIG OL’ SPOILERS HERE** the other tributes being reanimated and mutated for the final showdown? That was a bad concept to start with I think, but even worse – they didn’t do anything with it! Seeing Rue come back as a mindless undead monster that posed a serious threat should have been a source of real conflict for Katniss, but I got no sense of that. At least that section was over quickly.**SPOILERS OVER**NO MORE SPOILERS, YOU GUYS**

      Get ready for me to finish Catching Fire, which I hope I don’t find as disappointing as you said, so I can update you all on what I thought of the clothing descriptions in that book! Also I want to point out that, in contrast, the food sounded great. Berries and bread and even the soft tree bark sounded strangely appealing! I think I’m a terrible audience for this book!

      • Oh no, I posted this more than 30 minutes after this post went live! I didn’t follow my own rules and now my ramblings will be lost to the ages. Truly, this is the real Hunger Game.

      • I completely agree with your take on the costumes. Also, they address the muttations in the second book, because I had an issue with that part as well. (Also, muttations? *snicker*)

  5. My parents did the same thing to me. But we weren’t at an amusement park. We were at a Nap Park. And I wasn’t sleeping, but I was awake, and everyone else was sleeping. And I wasn’t doused with water, but rather chloroform. So, actually I guess not the exact same thing, but the exact opposite thing.

  6. My sister used to tell me that white people couldn’t watch black TV and that the TV would turn off once the censor noticed that white people were watching. She just didn’t want to watch Soul Train and I LOVED it. I still hate her to this day for doing that to me.

  7. Probably the meanest prank my Dad did to me was when I was in first grade. While on Spring Break he got one of his work buddies to call me at home, posing as the Principle, and tell me I had been skipping too much school and I am in a lot of trouble. I was fully ready to go to school until my G-ma told me I need to chill out. To this day, I have yet to fully recover.

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