Ah, the human wish to fly like a bird. A wish only below wishes such as, “more wishes,” “so much money,” “printers that print out food for free,” “the ability to point at yourself and be dressed for the day, like Sabrina is able to do in Sabrina the Teenage Witch,” “the closet from Clueless,” “all of the cool stuff they’re able to do in The Craft but without any of the negative repercussions, specifically the thing where they’re able to easily change their hair color,” “the ability to turn invisible,” “the ability to move throughout time, specifically the ability to own and operate well a Click remote,” “the ability to speak languages or really know anything or how to do anything with no effort at all,” “clean room,” “Twilight Zone box set,” et cetera. Man has had the wish to fly somewhere down their list of wishes since the dawn of time, I assume, and finally now in 2012, using a gigantic bird wing suit made after only eight months of testing by Jarno Smeets of Human Birdwings, man can do it. (Basically.) Goodbye, birds! You’re useless now! It was nice knowing you — NOT!

HAH. Take that, birds. You thought you were the only things that could fly? Give me a break. We can fly just as easily as you can, albeit much more awkwardly, for a shorter distance, and using a poor version of the same technology you do. But we can do it. Because we are humans and all you are is dumb old birds. BOOM. (Via TheHighDefinite.)

Comments (34)
  1. Kelly, you can stream all of the original Twilight Zone on Netflix! Save your wish!

  2. “Finally.” — Jeffrey Osborne

  3. Jarnodemic? Smeetsdemic? Nope, doesn’t work.

  4. Put a nerd on it

  5. I don’t speak a word of Dutch, although I’m pretty sure he was in the middle of saying something profound at the end before just going, “FUCK! Fucking unbelievable…”

    • Without watching the video, I assumed he was Finnish, since Jarno is a pretty common Finnish name. I did a quick search, and I guess it can be Dutch too, although according to Wikipedia, the only famous Dutch Jarno was “Jarno Hams, Dutch Strongman,” which is pretty great. If I wasn’t already committed to calling myself Facetaco, I would henceforth be known as “Jarno Hams, Dutch Strongman.”

  6. This is old news, I’ve been defecating on public statues for YEARS.

  7. I feel like there’s a potential metaphor in this somewhere…

  8. Whatever, still not as cool as the Jeff Daniels mama goose machine from Fly Away Home.

  9. What are parts 1-13? Him falling in fast motion while yakkety sax plays?

  10. SUCK IT DA VINCI!! Why don’t you go write another code for Tom Hanks to crack??

  11. “FUUUUUUUUUUU” – Icarus

  12. still ain’t as fly as this cat

    • We have this poster above the stove. Eye candy in my “lady zone”. I also have Prince William and Justin Trudeau calendars above the sink for the same purpose.

  13. Wait, you have to flap your arms too? Well that’s just not as much fun.

  14. Oh man, now you’ve pissed ‘em off.

  15. I’m not ashamed to tell you guys that my “flying like a bird wish” would fall well below my “does whatever a spider can” wish.

  16. Does anyone else think it’s crazy when birds walk? “Stupid birds, you can FLY!” — me, every time.

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