jesus_bachelor

You can take your grilled cheese sandwiches and your wallpaper water stains and you can shove them where the nobody cares because this is how Jesus appears to true beliebers, in a cell phone photo taken of a TV screen during The Bachelor, from TheChristianPost:

A woman in Port St. Lucie, Fla., claims Jesus made a rather unique divine appearance by showing up in a cell phone photo she took during an episode of ABC’s “The Bachelor.” Guera Maurice says she was watching the final episode of “The Bachelor” this week when she saw a design she liked on the screen. When Maurice tried to take a picture of the design with her cell phone, however, the phone immediately died.

It wasn’t until the next day that Maurice noticed her phone had risen again and was now working properly, but with a very strange image inside. “When the phone (lit) up, I say, ‘Oh my God.’ I flip the phone now, and I see Jesus’ picture,” said Maurice. “I said, ‘Oh my God, where did that picture come from?’ I said, ‘This is Jesus,” and I was shaking.”

In the image, the face of bachelorette Courtney Robertson is obscured by a white streak, which could be seen as a man with long white robe and a bearded face popping up in front of the part in Robertson’s hair.

Wait, this happened in Florida? That’s odd. If you gave me a choice of all 50 states where someone took a cellphone photo of The Bachelor and decided it contained a sign of Jesus, I’m sure Florida would be, like, my 49th or 50th guess because that state is so normal and everyone in that state is normal and this whole story sounds super legit. You just know the whole thing is real because it’s so clear WHY Jesus would appear in a cellphone photo of The Bachelor. His message is almost too clear. They say that God works in mysterious ways, but not this time! Amen.

Comments (22)
  1. There’s no confusing it, that’s definitely Jesus. Case closed. Next mystery, please.

  2. Didn’t see it. White Jesus.

  3. If her phone died and then rose again, isn’t the phone itself Jesus? iJesus?

  4. In elementary school, grade 3, one of my classmates was convinced that someone had put cocaine on her Fruit Wrinkles. She made a whole big fuss about it to the class and the teachers, she cried a whole lot and shook and acted weird all day.

    Now, for starters the wrinkles were Yogurt-covered Fruit Wrinkles. So there’s that. And then also, who would waste good coke on a bag of kids’ candy? That stuff ain’t cheap. To fill a whole bag of fruit wrinkles would cost upwards of 100 bucks. I didn’t know this in grade 3 obviously, but I did know about the yogurt covering because I loved those gross stupid things. And also that girl was historically an attention junkie drama queen and regularly cried and made a fuss to draw focus on to her.

    Anyways, anytime someone finds jesus in a thing it reminds me of that girl for some unknown reason.

  5. No need to get all excited. This is just a cross promotion for Real Housewives of Arimathea

  6. They were also going to have Mary Magdalene appear on a cell phone photo of the next season of The Bachelorette, but she was unable to to a contractual conflict from her appearance on TVLand’s “The Cougar.”

  7. She should take this as Jesus’ message to stop watching The Bachelor.

  8. A few of my sext pics have had Jesus appear on them…

  9. “Enough.”
    - Jesus H. Christ

  10. the lord has come down and made an appearance on “the Bachelor” as it so greatly protects and embodies the sanctity of marriage.

  11. Jesus was watching the bachelor? That must be why he never showed up for his date with the chick from yesterday.

  12. Although Jesus was originally kicked out by the bachelor, he was miraculously given a second chance, and three days later, he gave Jesus a rose.

  13. The best argument against that being Jesus in the picture is that God clearly has no idea Florida exists.

  14. You can tell it’s Jesus because you can see the Holy Ghost taking a golf swing right in front of his forehead.

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