First, an IMPORTANT correction. Sean, a reader, sends this email:

To whom it may concern,

This message is for “Gabe” the writer of The Walking Dead recaps, couldn’t find any other way to contact him. Dude, I love the recaps, fucking hilarious and shows just how awful the show really is. HOWEVER!!! Please, please, PLEASE for the love of flying spaghetti monster, STOP saying they driving in a Honda Fit, it’s a Hyundai Santa Fe, 2 completely different vehicles, one is a crappy Japanese 4 door compact car, the other is a crappy Korean wannabe SUV.

I’m sorry and I don’t mean to be a dick or anything, but no one seems to notice in the comments section and maybe it’s just because my OCD won’t let me let it go. I’m a loser like that. Attached are images of the two cars for reference.

Oh jeez. Obviously, my sincerest apologies for all of the PAIN and CONFUSION that “I” may have caused. I’ve already spoken to Ira Glass and he agreed to dedicate next week’s This American Life to a full retraction. It will also appear on The Moth. Obviously, I understand how betrayed and angry everyone must feel, so I totally understand if you don’t want to read the recaps anymore. Lord knows I wish I didn’t have to write them. I’m just a blog looking at a “Sean,” asking him to shut up. LET’S GOOOOO!

We start deep in the heart of the deserted Big City where stray zombies are eating…something. It’s not important. The point is: gross. Suddenly, a helicopter flies overhead and a zombie stops what it’s doing and looks at it. I think this is supposed to show us that all of the zombies followed the noise of the helicopter out of the city? Sure. So there are, what, 3.5 million zombies walking in a single file line out of The City until they get to The Fence. Obviously a few of them must have gotten stuck in the Swamp of Sadness or whatever because they’ve dwindled from 3.5 million to, oh, let’s say three dozen zombies. It’s still a lot of zombies, but it’s definitely not, like, a city’s worth of zombies.

The zombies push through the crappy fence that is seriously so crappy what is that fence even supposed to keep out? Then the zombies are just walking through the forest as zombies will when they hear the second gunshot from last week. Not the first gunshot for some reason, but hey, who’s writing this show counting?! And so that is how the horde of zombies that is descending upon Carl and Grimes at the end of last week’s episode was created. By some fucking helicopter or something. Chain reaction.

Carl and Grimes are slowly making their way across the field, completely unaware of the 3.5 dozen zombies approaching, despite the fact that you’d really think that many zombies would have some sort of ambient groan or at least a visible stench. Carl asks Grimes how Shane died. Every father dreads having this conversation with his tween, but he’s about to tell him about the Shanes and the Bees when he finally (FINALLY) notices all the zombies coming towards them. “Go go go” he whispers. Haha. Uh, you can just talk at full volume. The whispering is kind of beside the point, probably. Anyway, Carl and Grimes seemed to have a pretty good head start and should just make it back to the farmhouse, but apparently they don’t have a head start at all, because now they are just in the middle of the zombies. They hide in the barn.

Meanwhile, inside the farmhouse, Glenn and Daryl have returned and explained that Randall was a zombie but he didn’t have any bites on him. Daryl also points out that Shane and Randall’s footsteps were overlapping but that “Shane wasn’t no tracker.” When there were two sets of footprints in the sand, that was Jesus TRACKING you. Lori asks Daryl to go out and find Grimes and Shane, because these dummies don’t even know that Shane is dead. Daryl goes out on the porch, followed by Glenn and Andrea, and they see the zombies so OK, we’re all aware of the zombies now. Now what?!

A bunch of stupid stuff. It’s just a mess. Apparently, remember how last week they decided they needed to batten down the hatches and put survival gear in the basement and stuff? Well, it was all for nothing. Completely meaningless. It’s not clear why. Just go hide in the basement and wait for the zombies to walk away! But, so, everyone gets their guns and gets into their Hondas Fit and start driving around shooting all the zombies. This makes no sense. Everyone keeps saying that there are too many of them, so what’s the point of driving around shooting SOME of them? Either organize a strategic emergency exit plan, or hide in the basement hoping for the best, but just driving around wasting ammo and fucking up your car transmissions and probably getting bitten by some zombies seems like literally the single worst thing you can all be doing. Similarly, Grimes and Carl pour gasoline all over the barn and Grimes sends Carl up the ladder with a lighter and tells him to drop the lighter when he gives the signal, which, so far so good, but then he opens the door for the zombies and heckles them to come and get it.

Why? They’re clearly doing everything they can to come and get it anyways. So just run away and let them come into the barn and then burn ‘em up. Why do you also need to tease them? Nothing makes sense. But it is scary and gross. And completely different in tone from anything that’s happened on the show thus far. Cool?

This is sort of the crux of the whole episode. It’s practically a different show. And on the one hand, considering how many problems some of us, could be any of us, it’s impossible to tell, have had with the show as it’s been, you might think this would be a welcome change, but the reality is that it’s off-putting and confusing. At this point, whether we hate it or hate it, the show has established its characters and been relatively consistent in style and tone. Now all of a sudden we’re in the midst of an actual horror movie, which is surprising but not terrible. It’s better than being in the one-credit Community College survey course of “The Ideas of Samuel Beckett” that’s been the rest of the season. But then some other stuff happens later, especially with our Hero, that just doesn’t fit with every single thing we know about him. And OK, sure, people change over time and that is called dramatic arc and character development, but this isn’t so much change over time as it is watching a Different Show about Different People. Whatever. Fine. Who cares. Back to the farm:

Everyone’s screaming and dying. Lori finally realizes Carl is missing and loses her mind. If there’s still time, you better cancel that order for one Mother of the Year mousepad from CafePress. Glenn and Maggie are driving around shooting some zombies and they get surrounded by zombies and Maggie says she can’t get through, which doesn’t seem quite right. You’re in a car. You can get through. Just drive the car? Glenn tells her to leave the farm. She cries. Get over it. They leave the farm. Grimes’s plan to lure the zombies into the barn only ends up burning, like, six zombies. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good barn. That one dude whose only line this whole show has been “I’ll help!” pulls the RV up to rescue Grimes and Carl from the room only to get eaten in the RV. Somehow Grimes and Carl are able to clamber down from the RV and make it to the farmhouse even though there are still just as many ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE as there were five minutes ago before they went in the barn in the first place but don’t worry about it too much. Herschel is just standing on the front lawn blasting zombies because this is his farm, goddamnit.

Sophia’s mom, Lori, and those two dumb girls who are not even anything make a run for it and one of the blonde ladies, like, seriously not even sure who she is supposed to be or how she is related to anyone gets eaten by zombies. So what.

Sophia’s mom gets broken off and is about to get eaten, but Daryl rescues her on his racist motorcycle. Ugh. Really, show? You kill Dale and Shane but Sophia’s mom lives? Herschel looks like he’s about to get Jack Attacked from behind by a zombie, but that is when Carl and Grimes surprise show up and are somehow, like, pulling up the rear even though before they couldn’t even outrun a couple of zombies? I don’t get it, but they convince Herschel to leave the farm. Andrea gets abandoned but you know she didn’t get abandoned abandoned. But so everyone is driving away and all that’s left are some zombies and the burning barn and the zombies don’t even seem to give a shit about the farmhouse, which seriously makes me think that they should have just hidden in the farmhouse? If you’re going to suggest that they’re not safe in the farmhouse, then you kind of need to show the zombies just Project X’ing the farmhouse, but what was a frantic and horrific scene of utter chaos ends pretty casually. Shrug Town, population Zombie Horde.

As dawn breaks, everyone is in their separate cars and trucks and motorcycles, freaking out and not quite sure what to do next. Well, that’s not entirely true. Mainly it’s just Lori and T-Dog having a dull fight. Oh, and Maggie and Glenn pull over to fuck just kidding but they should, that would be more interesting than the conversation they have about whether or not everyone’s alright. Herschel, Grimes, and Carl go to the spot on the highway where the season began. Oof. Do over? Carl says he won’t leave without his mom, which, yes, but also shut up, Carl. We get it, but you’re not in charge of anything. If you had a room, you’d be sent there for too much backtalk (and wandering). Grimes is at the end of his rope. Herschel tells him that his only duty now is to keep Carl alive. “Nature may have thrown us a curveball, but that law still holds.” HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Good point, Herschel. Nature may have THROWN YOU A CURVEBALL. That’s just a good way to describe what’s going on. “You follow baseball? It’s like a baseball thing, this hellish nightmare.” Just then, all the cars and motorcycles pull up at the same time and they are “saved.” That was almost impossible timing! If only everyone was that organized in escaping the farm, the one dude no one cares about and that girl whoever she was might still be alive and Andrea wouldn’t be running through the forest pistol-whipping zombies. Daryl suggests they go back and save Andrea, but even Grimes is like no, despite the fact that Grimes would drive 100 miles to save a sandwich if he thought the walkers were approaching the Subway. What’s important is that they have each other. And this bottle of Gatorade. And these garbanzo beans.

About Andrea: she’s running through the forest, pistol-whipping zombies. Again, just like back on the farm, she wastes way too much time and ammo shooting zombies who are not even in her way since there are more zombies than she’s ever going to be able to shoot, but so then she falls down in the leaves and uh oh here comes a zombie and she has been running so long and is so tired and I guess this is the end of Andrea except oh, no, phew, SOME FUCKING DRUID HAS A SWORD.

NERD ALERT. As if a sprawling show about zombies with a post-show recap by Chris Hardwick wasn’t already catering to the nerds enough, we are now introducing capes and swords into the mix? Haha. OK. Congratulations, nerds. (Before I get another email from some Sean out there letting me know that the druid with the swords is a heroine from the comics, don’t bother, I already know that and it changes nothing.)

Rick is out of gas and the gang pulls over. He says they’ll camp here for the night and go on a gas run the next day. “Does this feel right to you?” someone asks. What? What feels right at this point? Someone asks what they’ll do if another horde of zombies blows through. Uh, the last time that happened you had a perfectly good farmhouse but instead you ran around the front yard screaming, so I’m not sure what you want. Rick says they’ll find a place. Not just a place where they hole up, but a place where they fortify. GOOD FORESHADOWING! The talk then turns to how come there are zombies without bites, and that is when Rick reveals the big secret that the doctor from the CDC whispered in his ear before he DETONATED THE CDC (lol): everyone is a carrier for the zombie virus. HAHAHAHA. Good secret. Very important to keep it a secret. Somehow, for absolutely no good reason, everyone loses their minds that Rick knew this the whole time and didn’t share it with them. WHY? THE FUCK YOU CARE FOR? Bear in mind, there are no doctors or hospitals or cures and just seriously who fucking cares? The world is over. Get a grip. Glenn says that when he found out about the zombies in the barn he told everyone. Right. No, it’s totally the same thing, Glenn. Maybe you should be the leader of the group now, you silly clown.

Rick needs to gather his thoughts. He is followed by his loving wife and the mother of his child, Lori. Without any real prompting, he launches right into how he killed Shane after being lured into the woods in a surprise ambush and having his friend point a gun in his face. Hearing this news, does Lori, who not two days earlier had warned her husband that Shane was a dangerous lunatic, go to her husband and embrace him and apologize for ever cuckolding him with Shane in the first place, and attempt to provide whatever small comfort she have in the face of this horrible, traumatic event? Does she reassure him that he acted in self-defense against a monster who she raw-dogged in the woods and thank him for being brave in the face of unspeakable evil? No. She gags and then pushes him away. Welp! It’s official! The word “hate” no longer describes how I feel about Lori!

That night, by the light of the fire, everyone is whining about some fucking thing. Sophia’s mom is complaining about Rick. She tells Daryl that Rick is just going to drag him down. Oh good grief. After everything he did for this bitch. Daryl is like “What do you WANT?” which is a GOOD QUESTION. She says that she wishes that Rick was a man of honor. WOWOWOWOW! Not even sure how that one tracks, but as far as I’m concerned, Sophia’s mom got eaten on the farm so talk to the hand, Sophia’s mom, because nobody’s listening.

When a stick cracks in the forest, everyone loses their minds, which is fair because that would be scary, but then everyone’s like “Rick, do something!” Do what? Build a time machine and go back to kill Hitler (first) and then stop the Zombie Apocalypse from ever happening (second)? Rick gets mad. “I killed my best friend for you people!” Wait, that’s why you killed Shane? Whoops. I totally thought you killed Shane because he wanted to kill you and fuck your wife and called your son weak. But it was for the group, somehow? OK. My bad. I get so confused! Everyone is clearly very disturbed by this news. Personally, I think it has a lot to do with the way Grimes keeps telling this story. He might want to lead with the part where Shane tricked him into the woods in order to execute him because he wanted to fuck Lori. That seems like at least a good starting point. Grimes says anyone who wants to leave is welcome to, even though three seconds earlier he said no one’s leaving. Slow down, Grimes! Just gather your thoughts and unmix your messages. “There’ the door,” he says, which is a very funny thing to say in the middle of the woods during a Zombie Apocalypse. “Don’t let the door hit you on your way BRAINS!” Then he says that if people are going to stay, that they need to recognize that he’s in charge, and that this isn’t a democracy anymore. Oh, PS, apparently it used to be a democracy. Grimes is so mean now! I guess it’s really true what they say about how killing your best friend in self defense and escaping a horde of zombies in the middle of the night as your last sense of safety is torn away only to have your shithead wife turn her back on you in your most desperate moment changes a man.

The camera pans up from the woods to show an abandoned prison 10 feet away.

HEY, THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO FORTIFY YOURSELVES SINCE IT’S LITERALLY A FORTRESS! Just an idea. This show sure does love using shots of buildings as “exciting cliff-hangers.” The department store roof! The CDC! The farmhouse! Now this! Fair enough! The end!

Comments (160)
  1. I have never watched this show and didn’t read this recap. I just wanted to comment to say that the top image made me giggle.

  2. Good grief. Last night I read this episode’s plot synopsis on amctv.com in preparation of Gabe’s recap. Then I re-watched the first three episodes of Breaking Bad season 3 because I love that show. Pizza on the roof!

  3. “here is where we’ll spin our wheels next season…..”

    - final shot of Walking Dead seasons

  4. My reaction to everyone bitching at Rick around the fire at the end…especially Carol, who between her flower patch crying sessions and wailing about Sophia has no right to call out Rick:

    Also: T-Dawg. You ALMOST had those white women with you on the way to the coast. I feel for you, bro.

  5. I stopped recording this terrible show at the beginning of this season, but I dutifully watched last night’s episode just to read “Gabe”‘s recap today. Well worth wasting an hour of my life.

  6. I’m so glad that Gabe not only stuck to his guns on the Honda Fit thing, but also correctly pluralized all the Hondas Fit.

  7. Did anyone else notice Herschel’s shotgun holds like a thousand shells?

  8. I read a small spoiler regarding the graphic novel that may bring me back for another season…

    POSSIBLE SPOILER AHEAD

    Lori and her baby are killed in a bloody way in the prison. (Google the illustration) OF COURSE, they are in no way bound to the novel but the thought alone… See you in October!

    • (jumps up and down while clapping)

      You’re right! I forgot about Lori and Judith* getting all dead! I want to believe this will happen, I really do.**

      * Judith? Really? For a today baby? A modern-ass-zombie-wasteland-world baby? Judith?

      ** Not about the baby dying, (sadface). But Lori getting killed? Yes please!

    • Oh, I get it! So the comic is sort of like a prequel to Cormac McCarthy’s The Road? Is it just going to be Rick and Fucking Carl left in the end? I mean it can only be a matter of time before the living people start turning cannibalistic, right? I hope Daryl eats Carl like a lollypop, no pedo.

    • Stop posting spoilers. Nobody wants to read them, you clown.

      • Lori dying next season isn’t a spoiler. It’s something to look forward to. Of course, Shane outlived his comic equivalent, so it’s only a spoiler for the comic, and a potential spoiler for the series (which is only slightly more accurate than random speculation or hope).

    • It’s hard to say what is and isn’t a spoiler based on the graphic novel. I haven’t read it, but based on conversations with people who have, the show has already taken some huge liberties with the characters and plot.

    • i hope each episode of the next season is just 45 minutes of a single, locked-off camera shot of a different character getting slowly devoured by zombies, and then at the end of the last episode we all get men-in-black-flashy-thing’d.

  9. I thought for sure you (Gabe) were going to mention Daryl’s racist comment about Glenn’s driving!

  10. I’ve found that when I actually like an episode I’m considerably less motivated to see Gabe rip it to pieces. Truth is, that finale was pretty great. Nice to get a glimpse of Michonne and the prison before the writers fuck it all up next season.

  11. This was the best recap yet. This show is goddamn awful. I can’t believe we have to wait until the fall to read another one of these awesome recaps, although I do feel Gabe was a bit hard on Sean, even though Sean was pretty cool with his nit-picking. In conclusion BRAIIIINNNS!

  12. Best thing about this episode was the hooded character at the end, mostly because it reminded me of the devil type character in Hawk the Slayer, which is one of my all time favorite movies. Plus, this might not be the time nor the place to make such a request but I would like to see Hawk the Slayer featured in the Hunt for the Worst Movie series, not because it is the worst movie but because it would be great to see it under the videogum microscope. It meets all the qualifying qualifiers: major actor involved is Jack Palance, was on heavy rotation on showtime in the early 80s and imprinted on my child mind not unlike Taylor Lautner imprinted on the psyche of the unborn Mormon vampire fetus in that Twilight movie. True fact: Hawk the Slayer is the only movie that uses silly string as a legitimate special effect.

    ANY WAY I liked this episode of Walking Dead because actual stuff happened. If every episode had this much action and less vapid dialogue with furrowed brows it would be a fun show. Too bad.

    • Micchone is my favorite character in the series. I think you will love her if they do her character right. So far they haven’t been doing the character’s so well, although they seem to be improving.

      • I’m glad she’s a cool character, but…I’m so annoyed at how assumed it is that everyone has read the books and so we all know her name and whatever. Watching the Talking Dead they wouldn’t shut up about the stupid Micchonne character and whether they would be true to the comics and all I could think was how much more intriguing it is for those of us who didn’t read the books to see such a mysterious character and be actually intrigued and suspense-filled. But no…Robert “Walking Douche” Kirkman has to talk about season 3 all the time instead of talking about what actually happened in the finale (which finally had stuff happening instead of just talking!).

        Same with the helicopter – that’s actually really intriguing to me because a helicopter signifies larger bodies like government or police or hospitals or something and that’s fascinating to me because I had believed the whole series was separate bands of survivors who run into each other, but the helicopter suggests there are larger forces. Let’s talk about that! Not the stupid prison that I only care about if I read the books.

        But I’m glad that people who read the books are getting more of what they like…it seems like there’s good stuff in there.

        • I think the helicopter was supposed to have been flying over Atlanta a while ago. Since Rick’s group had traveled by car, and the zombies meander at a slow pace, I think a lot of time had supposedly passed. Who knows if there are still larger forces. I doubt it.

          How much time has passed since the zombie outbreak started?

          • Don’t know the exact timeline but I would think that the helicopter flew over atlanta sometime after Rick & Glenn & everybody were in downtown atlanta because otherwise they would have seen either the helicopter or the zombies traveling in a herd in one direction (and been like ‘man, let’s never go in that direction!’) or else the presence of Rick & Glenn would have disrupted the migration towards the farm. So…if the helicopter was after they were downtown, it was at least sometime during the first two seasons, so there’s still something bigger happening!

          • but i’m perfectly willing to concede the likelihood of plot holes…

          • A helicopter flew by when Rick was in Atlanta. He saw it and then I *think* that’s when he rounded the corner and all those zombies ate his horse and he hid in the tank.

          • Did it? I didn’t remember that. Well if so it just goes to show that if it were truly an interesting plot point, it would have been beat to death on Talking Dead. Anyway…thanks for helping. I guess there’s nothing larger than bands of survivors :(

          • Here we go (from wikipedia, the plot synopsis for episode 1):

            Rick arrives in Atlanta and finds the city in an extreme state of devastation. He then searches the streets on horseback, finding an overrun military blockade. Rick hears a helicopter pass overhead and tries to follow it, but rides straight into a horde of walkers.

            If memory serves me, I believe the helicopter is seen (by Rick) in a reflection off the windows of a skyscraper, but he nor the audience gets to see it first-hand (probably to make it seem like a mirage or a hallucination).

          • Okay… Thanks for looking that up. bummer.

          • truckasaurus, don’t give up hope (if you have hope in the show). I won’t be specific (but this may be slightly spoilery, but I’m only talking about the helicopter, so *BE WARNED MINOR MINOR SUPER-MINOR SPOILER*), but in the comics there is a helicopter that does lead to something. They are probably going to combine the Atlanta helicopter from the show with the helicopter from the comic books, and it will lead to one of the bigger storylines from the book. I’ll just say there has been more casting news (besides Michonne) for one of the more infamous WD characters, and they are tangentially related to that helicopter. *END OF MILD SPOILERS*

            Hopefully that wasn’t too spoilery.

          • Okay that’s good. And no worries on the spoilers. My whole thing with the helicopter is that if there are just random groups of survivors, the question of “what’s the point of living” becomes harder and harder to answer – if the walkers don’t kill you, post-apocalyptic human power struggles will. But larger forces can mean technology, unity, the idea that you’re not completely lost or forced to start over. That’s why the CDC was so hopeful for the group, right, because someone’s working on solving the problem, not just surviving it. But from what I hear I’m not sure there is much hope, even if there is a helicopter.

            Plus, if we’re trying to answer “what kind of world are we leaving for our kids” then the only kids we’re talking about are Carl and Lori’s zombie baby so…um…who cares?

      • Also that’s not an attack on you, heimaey, I’m glad you liked the books. Just an attack on Robert “Walking Douche” Kirkman and everything he ever says publicly.

      • this “heimaey” person has an apostrophe catastrophe, should read “characters” plural not “character’s” singular possessive.

  13. I’d like to say that Sean’s “correction” is incorrect. Shanathan’s vehicle is a Hyundai Tucson, not a Sante Fe, and the Honda Fit is a 5-door subcompact, not a 4-door compact. Now that I have enlightened you all, I’d like to end this comment by stating my disappointment when I saw that Carol wasn’t going to be ripped to pieces while trying to defend herself with a crappy bat.

    P.S. When Herschel, Rick, and Carl were standing on the highway and a walker came, they had to hide? Every other time they’ve managed to find an unlikely weapon to melee them with (screwdriver, scissors, etc.) and yet this time they were completely defenseless?

  14. Thanks for the recaps, Gabe. Always a fun chaser to a show I find myself looking forward to, and then end up glancing at the clock for the whole hour wondering when the action is going to pick up.

  15. Look at how concisely wikipedia lists the plot of the comic book up to where the plot of the show is so far:

    After a fatal zombie attack on the camp, Rick criticizes its leader, his former police partner Shane. Shane pulls a gun on Rick, but is shot dead by Rick’s 7-year-old son Carl. Now de facto leader, Rick decides the survivors need to find a safer home.

    Rick’s early settlement attempts are disastrous. A mother is killed after the survivors move into a gated neighborhood infested with zombies. A farmer, Hershel, invites the group to stay on his land — until zombies break free from his barn and kill several members of his family. The group’s fortunes improve when they discover an abandoned prison with a zombie-proof fence.

    Shane should’ve been dead by the start of episode 4. That mother character mentioned dies in that gated neighborhood. They get to Herschel’s farm by the end of episode 5. Episodes 6, 7 and 8 is Herschel’s zombie farm, then cliffhanger 8 with them finding that prison.

    It boggles my mind how they needlessly tightened up the group to such a small number yet wasted so much time over the past 18 episodes just sitting at the Atlanta camp and then the farm.

    That prison would have been best served in the show by having it be their first chance to actually take a breath. There should still be somewhere around 15-20 survivors in the group, LOST-style. If they had swiftly moved from their first camp outside Atlanta to the infested gated community to Herschel’s farm to the prison, most of the people already dead would still be around. Instead it’s just been arguing over nothing and contradicting themselves scene after scene after scene.

    • Oh. Disclaimer- I cut out the beginning part of the wikipedia summary about Grimes waking up, meeting Morgan, getting to Atlanta, meeting Glen and reuniting with his family. That was the moment this show veered away drastically from the comic, but still fits into the episode structure I mentioned with Shane being dead by the end of episode 4, instead of Grimes and Co squaring off against the vatos in the old folks home…

  16. This is a sad show and the saddest part of it all is that I need to wait until the Fall for another Gabe recap. I have only been watching this series in order to fully enjoy the recaps. Gabe, I will watch every episode of this show forever just for your recaps.

  17. Lori and Sophia’s mom need to take a brisk walk off a cliff and Darryl needs to kiss me. Also when rick was yelling about it not being a democracy anymore was I the only one to yell it’s a cheerocracy? Did anyone else think the mad men walking dead commercials were super weird?

  18. When are we going to get re caps of Eastbound and Down? That’s a rad show. Could use some recap action.

  19. Also, what’s with the captive armless zombies?! Why the hell would you want to have those around?

    • I haven’t seen the episode and I can’t tell from that screenshot if it was clear or not, but those armless zombies are also jawless (or at least they are in the comic).

    • Might provide good cover, you could loiter around the chained harmless zombies so that active non captive zombies might pay less attention to you? Who can say. Best thing for him really his therapy was going nowhere.

    • It didn’t make sense to me that the captive zombies weren’t trying to eat alive humans. I realize the aren’t able to, but they can’t think or realize that themselves, can they? Wouldn’t they still attempt to attack and eat humans, instead of hanging back?

      • Zombie behavior is something rarely explored in the comic book outside of classifying the ways zombies attack (biters, roamers & lurkers), but it is something the group notices and asks Michonne about, and she does give an answer.

  20. This show is EXACTLY like Lost, starting with the terrible leader who should absolutely not be the leader (Jack was a terrible leader. And also, seriously. WHY isn’t Darryl leading them again? I know he’s a racist redneck, but forget about it, Grimes. It’s Zombietown!) down to me arguing with many idiots who love it for no reason except “It’s good.” No, it’s fucking not.

    I LOVE how they quit travelling even though there was plenty of sunlight and then reveal the prison, ten feet away. You couldn’t have sent super scout Glen or Darryl out to see what was what? No! NOW WE DEFEND OURSELVES! IN THE OPEN NIGHT AIR! Good choice, Grimes. Good choice.

    This recap was great, but I am severely disappointed in this lack of enhanced Carl faces, from which there were many to choose.

    • SPOILER ALERT

      I think she keeps them around, armless and jawless, so she is seen (smelled?) by other zombies as “one-of-us-gooble-gobble” and not “delicious food.”

      They kept this in the show because the show likes to play fast and loose with it’s own internal logic, zombies can’t smell you if you’re covered in guts or around other zombies, unless they can and then RUNNNNNNNNN.

      • ugh that was a reply to abr above, I am convinced this magic mouse hates me.

        • Thank you – it makes more sense to me if they are also jawless. And I guess they could mask the scent of the living too. However, I for one would not trust them. Nor would I wear a hooded cape and drag them with me through the woods. Seems to me that’s the kind of thing you’d only do after living for many years in the zombie apocalypse, having slowly gone mad and moved beyond the thunderdome. Could this really happen after approximately one month?

          • Keep in mind that this is a world where, long before the zombie apocalypse broke, Carl’s birthday cake included some demeaning quotation marks around his name and a photo was taken of said cake so that the moment could be savored for years to come. So people were pretty messed up before hand. Makes sense.

          • Maybe it says”Carl” on the cake because his real name is Finnegan, and they regretted their name choice (like most of their life decisions), but were too lazy to get it legally changed. It makes sense given that he could be in front of a horde of zombies, yet for all Lori knows he’s in the master bedroom of Herschel’s house.

  21. Zombie horde descends and everyone magically becomes a SHARP SHOOTER!! Nothing but head shots! In the dark! From moving vehicles! Best survivor group ever!!!!1

  22. That shot of the burning barn in the background with Herschel capping the zombies was great. Herschel is the man.

  23. Don’t call that guy who died, “the one dude no one cares about!” I cared about him, in fact he was my favorite. He didn’t live long enough to be as horrible as everyone else is.

  24. If this is anything like that first Darabont prison show, I got five on Carl breaking the first night.

  25. Yo mama’s so undead, George Romero is starting principle photography on his new film, titled “Yo Mama”!

  26. Tom and Lorenzo from tomandlorenzo.com made a great statement, and I don’t know any Lori’s so I’m all for it – “if we didn’t already know people with the name, we’d start an online campaign to turn “Lori” into a synonym for bitch, as in “if you want to be a total Lori about it…”

    Haha!!! And why was everyone so mad that Rick kept the secret about the infection to himself? What help would it have done if he’d told them sooner? Everyone would’ve just freaked out and propbably would’ve lost all hope of survival. I watched a few minutes of Talking Dead and they brought up a good point; that Rick didn’t know if the CDC guy was telling him the truth cus he was kind of nutty….he only realized it was true when he saw it happen to Shane. God damn, people!!

    • Hooray! TLo!

    • Why were they mad? They’ve all been trying fairly hard to survive, yet retain some humanity….so – let’s say you’re out with Lori, huntin’ fer truffles or some rocks in a stream so you can beat the stains out of Rick’s speedos – one of you gets killed and ye olde survivor thinks it would be nice to take yer warshin’ buddy home for a real nice ceremony, oh wait, but you never make it, because buddy ate your brains, when you had yer back turned and was all emotional, with some truffles and a nice chianti. Worse yet, you just get bit, so it takes a while to turn and you make it back to the farm with this news to make sure everyone else knows this vital info and Rick just looks at you and says, “Duh.” Then they bury you in an ‘I’m With Stupid’ (arrow pointing at remainder of head) and you become the punchline of all their post-apocalyptic campfire jokes.

  27. Oh and I love how convenient the height of the RV was in relation to the barn! And why didn’t Rick and Carl just hold onto the roof and yell at the kid to drive away? It’s not like the zombies were gonna scale the RV, they can’t even figure out a fucking ladder.

    Oh and RIP Dale’s RV :(

  28. I’m a little surprised that no one has commented on Dr. Zombie who as at the front of the zombie horde for when they reached the farm. Must be very helpful to have a skilled zombie surgeon in the group. I’d imagine a zombie seeking medical attention would like to consult someone he can trust.

  29. There is utter chaos, people are getting their faces chewed on, the barn is burning, but don’t worry. Carl made it out with that goddamn stupid hat.

  30. And the award for Biggest Dumbass During a Zombie Apocalypse goes to this guy:

    Seriously, what the hell was he doing? Hmm…just looking around at the all the zombies – oh shit, I forgot to close the door, I guess?

  31. Who else is hoping for a zombie baby? Anyone? ZOMBIE BABY!

  32. Can someone make a gif of Rick shaking the gas can so we can enjoy it during the weekly monsters ball “it’s the weekend, let’s dance” gif-fest?

  33. Darl a few weeks back “do it dad. do it” (tough)
    Darl this week (half way through)–”i’m not leaving without mom” (tougher)
    darl by the end–”I’m freezing!” (lower case ‘d’ darl)

    Good to have you back, you piece of shit

  34. I didn’t watch ‘The Walking Dead’ last night. NO SPOILERS before Gabe’s recap.

  35. So I’m late to the party but I just have to say that when Sophia’s mom was whining to Daryl about how Grimes needs to be a “man of honor” and then complained that she was a BURDEN, I was just so floored!!! Um….yes! You ARE a burden!?!? And how is it Grimes’s fault?????? Also, Lori, freaking out about how Carl was mysteriously gone from upstairs, when she never seemed to give 2 shits before during this entire SEASON, which basically could have been subtitled “Carl’s Unsupervised Walk through Zombie Woods.”

  36. Oh look…. a prison!

    • Not only is it a few miles away, but we can safely say these folks are all from around Atlanta and I’m pretty sure that at least Rick and Shane, if not all of the adults knew exactly where that maximum security f**ker was.

      • IIRC, Rick and Shane are actually from Kentucky and served a Kentucky police force, so might not know that there’s a prison near Herschel’s farm, just to give the two cops the benefit of the doubt. Besides, by the end of the finale, Shane’s dead anyway, so he’s not around to remind the group that, hey, guess what, guys? A prison!

        OTOH, I am surprised that Herschel and his family, as long-time residents of the area, don’t know about the prison…

  37. Just read a couple dozen issues of the comic and, to be honest, the plot is stronger but the dialogue is even worse than the show. This program has faults (lord knows) but the comic is hardly a pristine original.

    • If you’re judging comic book dialogue with a a tv dialogue’s ear, don’t. That being said, I’m not about defend Kirkman’s dialogue. I will say that even Alan Moore’s Watchmen dialogue sounds weird when said out loud, but it’s good stuff.

    • Regarding the comic – It’s a fun book, although slow at times. The show has blasted Walking Dead forth into the public consciousness and it has become a grossly overhyped franchise just being fed money (boardgames, videogames, Talking Dead, etc etc etc).

      I have been reading the book monthly for most of its run. It’s a never-ending zombie soap opera. You read 22 pages. You go about your business for a month. Then another 22 pages comes out.

      It’s genre fiction in a serialized format. It is hardly a comic that has changed the face of all comics (like your Watchmens, or your Dark Knight Returns, as everyone likes to reference). It’s just a book that– even before the show– had ever-increasing sales every month for the past 8+ years, and was able to jump mediums because of it. The success of the terrible show has actually made me nervous about the book’s quality. I think I’ll know for sure by the end of the current arc.

      This isn’t a defense of the book towards your statements, pedagogy. I just wanted to take the moment to clarify what are maybe some misconceptions about the source material, as well as commiserate on it as well. It’s not Shakespeare. It’s hanging in every month to see characters get eaten by zombies.

      • Totally respect your experience, KajusX & Chainsaws. Was only responding to the notion that, somehow, a cruddy television show had ruined a perfectly good comic.

        I’ve read almost thirty issues in two days, so there’s something that’s bring me back. It’s totally decent. I’m hooked.

        And, as I mentioned, most of the features of the comic totally school the television writers in how to plot a story. It interesting to track all of the changes that have been introduced as well as those that have been excluded. Almost everybody, though, is way less annoying.

        And, to be honest, the abandonment of T-Dogg as a substantive character is especially disastrous..

        What are they thinking?

        • Sure thing, pedagogy. I am not one to subscribe to anything ‘ruining’ source material. It’s like when Alan Moore was asked in an interview about whether he worried that a film adaptation of Watchmen (still in turnaround hell at the time) would ruin his book. He pointed to it on his shelf and said he doesn’t see how it could ruin it, as the book is right there, unmolested (of course, this was back in the day when he kept a copy of Watchmen in his house).

          What worries me about Kirkman’s ever-swelling head and increased involvement with the show(s, plural, because Talking Dead counts) is that it will negatively effect his comic work. In addition to Kirkman’s WD I also read Invincible, and I look forward to the two books every month. Like I said before, not revolutionizing the medium, but definitely fun with a lot of good cliffhangers and banging art, especially on Invincible.

          I haven’t heard people claiming the show is ruining the book. I’ve just heard people’s opinions on the show.

          • I just read the entire run of Walking Dead in the past week and I have to say it’s pretty incredible. I would probably feel different if I had had to wait a month between reading issues, but taken as a whole, it’s an amazing and epic story. And the current story arc seems to be leading to some interesting places. Of course, Kirkman could always hit the reset button at any point, and then we’re right back to our characters wandering through the woods. But I don’t think he’d be lame enough to do that now. He’s on the verge of something unique in the world of zombie fiction, he would be stupid to drop the ball now.

            I never had a problem with the dialogue. At least, it was never as bad as it was on the television show. But the story is absolutely engrossing. If they don’t stray too far from the storyline in the comics, the next two seasons of this show should be incredibly compelling. (despite all the idiocy that Gabe rightly calls attention to)

  38. Here’s my plan for our one shot to light this barn on fire: drop the lit lighter. No, don’t light some f*cking hay and then drop that. Drop the lit lighter that could shut when it hits the ground. Yeah, that’s a much better idea.

    Hey the zombies are coming – why not send one vehicle out beeping and making noise since now apparently zombies will instantly walk toward loud sounds? But nooo, let’s all waste bullets shooting at the mob of walkers. How come all the walkers weren’t chasing the cars and the gunfire? Why did they spread out? Don’t they know their own f*cking rules about noise?

  39. OMG A TWIG SNAPPED
    Let’s keep talking out loud making noise instead of poking our heads out to see what it is or taking any kind of preparatory action – arming ourselves, guarding the exits, etc.
    IDIOTS.

    OMG WE’RE OUT OF GAS
    Let’s not get into the other vehicles and go find somewhere safe to spend the night and come back for the empty gas vehicle tomorrow sometime. Yeah, we realize we’re going to have to leave it here anyways when we go get gas, but it’s much more stupid to stay here all night in the open, so let’s do that.

    I AM GOING TO TALK TO YOUR BACK AND YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO THE AIR IN FRONT OF YOU
    Yes, when I have a conversation I like to stand directly behind you. Makes it so much harder to hear but I like that. Yeah, well I’m going to stand in front of you and look straight ahead and keep talking. I don’t even know if you’re still back there but I’m just going to keep talking.

    • Also, you are the survivors of a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE on a farm in the middle of nowhere and you don’t have a plan for if/when the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE breaks your two-dollar plywood fence and camps out on your lawn? They should have named this episode “Chinese Fire Drill Braiiiiins”.

    • About the gas – wouldn’t you signal to the other cars that you were running low? Before you have to pull over in the middle of the woods because it’s making that thumping sound? I get nervous when my gauge drops just below half, and I don’t have to contend with zombies. The again, I don’t have guns with unlimited ammo nor can I score head shots, in the dark, while leaning out the window as someone else drives fast and makes turns.

  40. I would like to submit without an ounce of irony or humor that this show is just terrible.

    Hilarious recap, as always.

  41. What’s been bothering me about this series is that T-Dawg is clearly a name someone else calls you. Like, it’s a nickname. When all of your friends, and neighbors and what not are dead, wouldn’t you stop going by T-Dawg? And also, let’s say out of force of habit you introduced yourself to a bunch of people who would never call you T-Dawg without being asked, wouldn’t you later on say “You know what guys, my name is actually Terry. Just call me Terry”?

    • One time my friend Mike and I wound up at a small gathering of co-workers and their friends. Mike introduced himself to this stoner-hip-hop kid sitting in a chair closest to us, and this was how their introductions went down:

      MIKE: “Hey, how’s it going? I’m Mike.”
      GUY: “Whaddup! I’m Smurf.”
      MIKE: “Ok, Smurf. What’s your real name?”
      GUY: “Derek.”
      MIKE: “Nice to meet you, Derek.”

    • Maybe his name really is Dawg and the T stands for “The?”

  42. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  43. Whoever you are, Gabe, you sound like a whiny bitch.

  44. Hey Herschel and your family who have lived on this homestead for 250 years you aren’t aware that there’s an enormous PRISON about 15 minutes away from your farm?

    Really?

    No, really?

  45. some genius on tumblr created “get out of here carl”, the official tumblr of carl being unsupervised and everywhere he isn’t supposed to be.


    (http://getoutofherecarl.tumblr.com/)

  46. ….Why is it that 2 of the 5 black zombies are shown in chains…jus’ sayin’…also, fuck Lori!

  47. Can we please start referring to Lori as “New Kate”?

  48. why does rick always hold the back of his gun above his eye level?

  49. I feel your pain. But… remember every sickness isn’t death. Just think about all the people that’s gone and didn’t die from AIDS complication. It’s always someone in worst situations than we are. Count your blessings my sister. I’ll keep you in my prayers — we gotta remain strong. If he brought you to it.. he’ll pull you through it. GOD BLESS!! He don’t put no more on us than we can bear!!! feel free to email me when you’re feeling down, even if you just wonna chat email:bishopjakesmore@gmail.com

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