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This week feels hard-earned. Do you feel like you earned this week? If you don’t, there’s still just a little bit of time. You should get out there and earn it. The rest of us will wait, but if you don’t mind, we’re going to take our shoes off and put our feet up because good GOD with this week already. While you’re out earning your week, would you mind picking up some snacks? Thanks. Anything is fine, just something to nibble on before dinner. Also bring dinner. And some cocktails. And wine. A bottle of sparkling grape juice for people who don’t drink would be polite and it’s a nice way to make things seem fancy. Or maybe not, actually. I’m not sure! One time I had a party and I got sparkling apple juice for people who didn’t drink, and they had a little bit, but I think they were the ones being polite and the reality is maybe having sparkling juice for people who don’t drink is kind of condescending or weird. Forget the juice. Just bring snacks, dinner, cocktails, wine, a sleep mask, a DVD to watch, a warm bath, and a gun. LET’S MAKE THIS THE BEST WEEKEND EVER! We earned it or are in the process of earning it!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the A Thousand Words On RottenTomatoes Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#4 Polythene Pam | Mar 12th Score:57

Not completely alone…

Posted in: Hey, You And Chace Crawford Have The Same Dream Date!
#3 Tommy | Mar 12th Score:71

Grimes, stop trying to tell Carl that Dale’s death wasn’t his fault. Because…um…guess what? IT WAS TOTALLY HIS FAULT.

Posted in: The Walking Dead S02E12: Two Shanes Enter, One Shane BRAINS!
#2 catweazle | Mar 13th Score:73

Tomatometer = 0%

Audience = 61%

The movie industry, explained.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: A Thousand Words On RottenTomatoes
#1 Patrick M | Mar 13th Score:99

Meanwhile, the same premise with white actors gets critical acclaim.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: A Thousand Words On RottenTomatoes

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Great job, guys! And a special congratulations to Patrick M for winning both the top rated comment AND the caption contest this week. Really hitting it out of the park. And PolythenePam, I enjoyed your image when it was in the comments, and I enjoy it even more seeing it for the second time today. Great work, great work to all of you, we are all very proud.]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1

Andrew Schultz | Mar 12th Score:-27
So, why do you guys watch this show and spend so much time writing about and analyzing it if you hate it so much?
Posted in: The Walking Dead S02E12: Two Shanes Enter, One Shane BRAINS!

[Ed. Note: It's nice to know that it's 2012 and we are still having to answer this question. BECAUSE THAT IS HOW WE PAY THE RENT, DUMMY! Also, those recaps are filled with GREAT JOKES! It would be one thing if it was just 5,000 earnest words about why the show is not enjoyable and we regret having watched every second of it. But it's a comedy routine, buddy! Also, if you want to read a website about how much someone likes something and thinks it's so great and such a good use of their time and energy, you will have to write it yourself, because that's not actually a thing that exists. (Because no one would read it. Because who cares.) Thanks for reading!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Patrick M | Mar 13th Score:99

Meanwhile, the same premise with white actors gets critical acclaim.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: A Thousand Words On RottenTomatoes

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Patrick M! You earned it. ]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

R2D2, Esq. | Mar 15th Score:52

Thank you, Kelly.

Posted in: The One Where I Took The TMZ Tour Of Hollywood

[Assoc. Ed. Note: You're welcome!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

the wurst | Mar 15th Score:13

Gabe, I like your glasses.

Posted in: The One Where I Took The TMZ Tour Of Hollywood

[Ed. Note: This is a great comment. Thank you to the wurst and to ALL of the Videogum commenting community.]

Comments (72)
  1. I was riding high on 13 downvotes in last week’s ball and then Andrew Schultz shows up, is a genuine troll, and ruins everything.

  2. GIF DANCE PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. You’re welcome.

  4. I’m actually getting to comment on Monsters Ball before 30 other people got to it?! AND I’m going to Karaoke tonight?! And it is 65 degrees outside in the middle of MARCH!?!? Holy fuck I need to go slut it up to celebrate!

  5. Guys: just a reminder that tomorrow is the day you sing “Las Mañanitas” outside my door and then rush in to exchange hugs and good wishes (source: 8th grade Spanish). Have a good weekend after you do that!

    • I’ll be outside your door singing “When Irish Eyes are Smiling” with my EYEBALLS!!!!

    • Don’t think we’ve forgotten the rest of that tradition, Patrick…

      Happy birthday!

      • It’s just the Day of my Saint! If it were my birthday, you would have to rush in and exchange hugs and Pappy Van Winkle 20-year.

        • Ohhh, because your name is Patrick! Good lord I’m slow.

          In Mexico “Las Mañanitas” is a song they sing on your birthday (before they shove your face into cake). It sings about celebrating the “day of your saint”, which over there is just a synonym for your birthday because a long long time ago everyone named their babies after whichever saint’s day it happened to be when they were born. So you would have been Patrick because you were born on St Patrick’s Day.

          But we’re not in Mexico, so today I am that baby and that cake is my shame.

          • In my country, you get bday presents on the feast day of the saint you were named after, which would suck for me, as my saint’s day is 2 months after my birthday. People wised up and get presents for birthdays and feast days.


  6. Happy Friday everyone hope you get messed. up. for the super special holy day tomorrow!

  7. Keep fighting the good fight, you guys.

  8. Hey guys, last week Steve said I may have to do another installment of this week’s Reverse Ball, and then earlier today on twitter I got an @relpy from someone that read, “Are you ready for the Reverse Monsters Ball?” So I wrote this up and unless anyone says different this is this week’s Reverse Ball.

    *ahem*

    Hey it’s the end of the week. We did it, you guys. Hopefully between cute animal videos and celebrity gossip we all got out in the world and made at least a small dent in our overarching life plan to achieve our dreams. Even if some of us didn’t, not to worry, another week is right around the bend, so get yourselves ready. The future is… NOW! And even if we didn’t get to our dreams this week, at least we finished the week.
    I would also like to quickly add that I went to dinner and a ucbla show last night with two fellow Monsters to see many talented stand-up comedians just doing their thing very well, and I can’t recommend doing that highly enough. Monster meet-ups are a wonderful thing, and if you get the inkling to do one then just do it! What’d I just say about dream achieving! And If you ever find yourself in a restaurant that serves a White Russian Milkshake then you better order one because they are delicious. Anyway. It’s time for another Videogum Dot Com Reverse Commentator Ball Re-Cap Analysis where we check out the top five best blog posts of the week, the worst blog post of the week and the editor’s choice.

    Top Five Best Blog Posts of the Week:
    #5. The Walking Dead S02E12: Two Shanes Enter, One Shane BRAINS!
    #4. A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Jon Hamm And Kim Kardashian Celebrity Feud
    #3. The Olive Garden Restaurant Review And Why The News Shouldn’t Talk About The Internet
    #2. Do Something That Terrifies You Every Day
    #1. The One Where I Took the TMZ Tour of Hollywood
    [Ed. note – Let’s see here. We got a recap at its fever pitch of a show whose awfulness is at its fever pitch. We got a rousing discussion about idiot celebrities and the celebrities who hate them. W got a great critique of how the news covers the internet. We got a hilarious video of a screaming man with a message of hope. And we got an in-depth, gonzo/T14TT-style report of The Nightmare, beautifully conjured into our lives all thanks to a bet lost. That’s a pretty stellar week’s-worth of bloggin’. Congratulations! You earned it.]

    Worst Blog Post of the Week:
    What Is Michael Bay’s New Reality Show?!
    [Ed. note – This barely beat out ‘Jennifer Lawrence Compares The Hunger Games To The Kardashian Wedding, Obviously,’ but the Hunger Games and the Kardashians are a fictitious depiction of reality tv and a real example of fictitious reality tv, respectively, whereas Michael Bay’s reality tv show is another key piece of the puzzle that will eventually blur the lines between the two until they are one and the same. To expand on that:
    I’ve mentioned this about me before on Videogum, but I always get simultaneously elated and repulsed whenever a comedian’s absurdist bit becomes actualized in our very own reality as humanity hurtles itself fontanelle-first toward its own demise (a sure thing) then rebirth (quite a gamble). The elation comes from seeing a joke manifest itself in front of my very eyes. I can’t believe it! How absurd! Hahaha. The repulsion comes from the fact that there are now people who have INVESTED TIME & CAPITOL into a joke to make it a serious, real, and potentially profitable thing backed by market research. How awful! In this instance, the joke is from Patton Oswalt’s ‘No Reason To Complain’ special, where he addresses the rise of reality television and how we will eventually record all of reality. At that point a towering wall of white noise will approach and sweep away the last vestiges of unplanned, sincere moments of life experience, prompting filmmakers and creatives to then write our realitiesy for us. A man can’t just wake up anymore, have a cup of coffee and go to work! How boring! Ninjas need to attack him, or he’ll thwart a terrorist plot! Vampires! Something! I’m not doing the bit any justice here, but it is definitely worth checking out if you haven’t, because it is fantastic. It will also not be a joke anymore very soon! If anything, Patton’s ‘wall of white noise’ is actually a ‘fog bank of white noise’ in which we are already engulfed; subtle enough at the start with a few wisps, then before we know it we are in our own nightmare blockbuster movies known as LIFE UGH. The announcement and production of Michael Bay’s reality show is a substantial addition of that fog bank, designed to eventually twist our views of the absurd and make them commonplace. As well it should! Wait- what? What am I saying?! You know what? I’ve changed my mind. The sooner this happens the sooner we’ll all be engulfed in nanobots, manipulating energy and matter into whatever we please, and I would like to be alive for that.]

    Editor’s Choice:
    Super Sick Willy Wonka Remix Jam
    [Ed. note – This is our generation’s previous generation’s Christian Bale Freak Out Remix http://youtu.be/CRF9mfKgknY “You want me to go fucking trash your lights?! It’s fucking distracting! What don’t you fucking understand?!” is 100% “Wrong, sir! Wrong! Clear as crystal! Black and white! Black and white! You get NOTHING! You LOSE!” How dare Charlie and the rest of them trash Willy’s scene! Classic film. Another classic remix. That’ll do, internet. That’ll do.]

    Have a good weekend, everybody! If you suddenly feel compelled to do something crazy, like, oh, I don’t know, hop on The Nightmare and take it for a terrifying spin of despair, just remember, you ARE free!

    • D’oh! Great minds think alike this time you jinxed my battle ships

      • Happy to oblige, Steve.

        I got a little wordy tho on that Lowest Voted. Bit of a tear. Not too happy about it, but I didn’t have the heart to cut it down any further.

        Will you be back for next week’s?

        • I couldn’t decide if I should have include it in the post, but after re-reading it just now I would be remiss if I didn’t list the comedians at the ucbla show I attended last night (seeing as there were three shows). The show was hosted by Rob Delaney and Dave Holmes, and featured Chelsea Peretti, Chris Kelly, Will Weldon and our very own Gabe Delahaye! It was quite a treat! Would do business with this seller again.

    • This is excellent. How do I find everyone on Twitter? (I know how Twitter works, but do you all just use your commenter names as Twitter handles? OR ARE THESE YOUR REAL NAMES?)

    • I believe that we, the ad-clickers on this website and thus the revenue generators, should demand that Gabe be sent on more expeditions in similar fashion to The One Where I Took the TMZ Tour of Hollywood as these are some of the best writing done in the history of this site. Recalling the entry in which Joe Mande attends the Brokencyde concert in New Jersey, these experiences enrich us readers’ lives deeply without putting us in the line of fire; a lot like Shark Week. Therefore, I wish to initiate a petition to send Gabe, Kelly, or even Joe (in a volunteer role) to some sort of terrible thing or another once a month. All those in favor, give an upvote!

  9. Need sombody to step up and do the Reverse commentator ball aka the top five best blog posts of the week, the worst blog post of the week and the editor choice. I can not do it this week.

  10. Hay guys. Let’s Friday chat! http:///tinychat.com/videogum

  11. My first Associate Editor’s Choice! Thank you, Kelly.

  12. This is one of the greatest days of my life. THANK YOU, VIDEOGUM.

  13. i was so close! in more ways than one!

    sorry i missed the ball, i was drinking with co-workers

  14. Happy weekend! And happy spring break, if you get to enjoy that sort of thing. I don’t! But I ‘ll celebrate with you in spirit!!

  15. Re: [Ed. Note: ... Also, if you want to read a website about how much someone likes something and thinks it's so great and such a good use of their time and energy, you will have to write it yourself, because that's not actually a thing that exists. (Because no one would read it. Because who cares.) Thanks for reading!]

    Sorry Gabe, but such a website exists. Done by my Oakland buddy, Mark: http://markwatches.net/reviews/ In which he does recaps of episodes from popular tv shows that also happen to be his favorite tv shows. He has yet to do The Walking Dead, and who can blame him.

  16. This was my first week commenting. Got some upvotes, got some downvotes. Had a good time. See you all next week. Now dance.

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