The Discovery Channel has “terminated its relationship” (read: we are not idiots, you fired him) with Bear Grylls! From Yahoo! (via RatsOff!)

Discovery Channel has terminated its relationship with Bear Grylls, the British television personality and star of the network’s Man vs. Wild. The severing of the relationship, which began back in 2006 when Man vs. Wild launched on Discovery, comes after the network has allegedly been unable to get Grylls to participate in two unannounced projects he was contracted for, say sources. The sixth season of Man vs. Wild wrapped in August.

Are you guys NUTS? Don’t fire Bear Grylls! And I’m not saying that as someone who cares one way or the other about Man Vs. Wild. I haven’t been able to watch that show since this. But, like, the dude squeezes the water from elephant shit into his mouth FOR DEMONSTRATION PURPOSES ONLY. He gave himself an enema on television to show you how he stays hydrated. And who could forget the very special 127 Hours tie-in promotional episode when he sawed his own arm off with a dull blade just to show you that Aron Ralston wasn’t a fluke and it could always be done if necessary? (That one may or may not have actually happened. There is no way for us to know.) The point is: never fire Bear Grylls FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. Bear Grylls is just another word for “nothing left to lose.” The dude doesn’t want to film a couple of crappy specials that no one would watch anyway? DROP IT! Let it go. Move on with your lives while you still have them. Unless you’re just so desperate for conversation topics at your dinner party in heaven with Einstein, Beethoven, and Rodney Dangerfield. “Funny story, Ms. D’Arc, I’m actually here because of a boring contractual dispute with a fucking lunatic. Please pass the cloud wine, Mr. Rogers.”

Comments (33)
  1. Am I the only one who thinks “Bear” is much too rugged a name for an Englishman?

  2. Who’s supposed to drink Marie Osmand’s pee now?

    Oh, wait. Probably Marie Osmand.

  3. he’s currently still in the 26th floor conference room at Discovery HQ. when they shut the heat off over night he made a fire with his contract. for breakfast he ate the banana peel in the waste basket and is propping himself against a desk chair in order to drink his own pee.

    if he’s able to crack the Wi-Fi password, he plans to write an Op-Ed for the NY Times describing why he’s not working at Discovery anymore.

  4. They should hire Michael Scott instead. #RIPMichaelScott

  5. Oh god, I hope he doesn’t go on a pee bender.

  6. He’ll be OK. I just read that he is going to be the new face for a line of stripped down hotplates for easy camping called Bear Grylls’ Bare Grills.

  7. It’s okay, guys. I found the perfect replacement.

  8. So Discovery Channel announced they’re going to stop working with Bear because Bear refuses to work with them? Sounds a lot like how I “break up” with girlfriends.

  9. The untold story in all of this is that the picture Gabe used in his post was taken right after Bear Grylls rammed himself into a tree, and right before he snapped the cameraman’s neck. Art imitates life!!

  10. I don’t know if I can Bear to live in a world without Mr. Grylls on the teevee.

  11. It’s too bad we won’t be able to get up in Bear’s grill anymore.

  12. “WHAT?” — Beethoven at that dinner

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