The other day, Chelsea Peretti had a tweet about Eddie Murphy’s new movie, A Thousand Words, that still makes me laugh every time I think about it. “WHEN EDDIE MURPHY TALKS —– LEAVES FALL OFF A TREE???!!!!?!?!!! NOW THIS I GOTTA SEE”. Haha. Every time! Haha. The voice of her generation. Did you know that they actually made this movie four years ago and then it got stuck wherever movies get stuck but now it’s finally coming out because I guess the timing was perfect? It’s probably a pretty amazing snapshot of the way we used to live. Like, all the cellphones in the movie probably use the Edge network. And there’s probably a scene where Eddie Murphy says “I can’t wait to host the Oscars produced by Brett Ratner in a few years and I promise that there’s absolutely nothing that would make me change my mind or drop out of this project.” Life is what happens when you’re busy making other movies about a magical Buddhist tree four years ago and then waiting for four years to release it only to discover nobody wants it. That’s what the well-plumped throw pillow on Eddie Murphy’s Eddie-Murphy’s-face-shaped bed says. Now let’s all get a little closer to death (oh, did you know that Eddie Murphy will DIE in the movie if he talks too much? Fun. It’s called stakes and you have to raise them) by captioning this screengrab!

Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, which is already more accolades than A Thousand Words will ever receive. (Image via BWE.)

Comments (61)
  1. Wait – how long is this caption supposed to be?

  2. “If you liked Jack and Jill, you’ll love this!!” — no one. Literally no one.

  3. In the sequel Eddie Murphy tells his wife she will die if she doesn’t shut up and he goes to jail

  4. “I am the 0%.” -Eddie Murphy, in a joke 3 years ahead of its time

  5. Tomatometer = 0%

    Audience = 61%

    The movie industry, explained.

  6. “I give it one thousand stars” -armond white

  7. I’m the last leaf on the tree the autumn took the rest but they won’t take me I’m the last leaf on the tree
    the autumn wind blows them all
    gone flutter to the ground as they can’t hang on there’s nothing in the world that I ain’t seen the green ones, the new ones becoming green
    I’m the last leaf on the tree the autumn took the rest but they won’t take me I’m the last leaf on the tree
    They say all I’ve got here on the tree

    I’m the last leaf on the tree the autumn took the rest but they won’t take me I’m the last leaf on the tree
    I fight off the snow I fight off the heat nothing makes me go I’m like .. I’ll be here til eternity if you want to know how long If they cut down this tree I’ll show a little song
    I’m the last leaf on the tree the autumn took the rest but they won’t take me I’m the last leaf on the tree I’m the last leaf on the tree I’m the last leaf on the tree…

  8. You know what’s cooler than a thousand words? Millions of dollars lost on production costs and marketing.

    Wait no it’s not.

  9. “It makes Tower Heist look like Norbit!” – At Least 3 Movie Critics

  10. I literally am at a loss for words.

  11. True story: This awful AWFUL guy I know is in this movie… and he’s insufferable and it took all the social graces in the world to not respond “NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS HORRIBLE MOVIE THE NIGHT IT COMES OUT YOU FUCKING DIP SHIT. I WILL NOT HELP INFLATE YOUR WEIRD EGO THAT IS BASED ON A BIT ROLE IN A SHIT MOVIE AND TWO BEER ADS. YOU ARE 35 AND HAVE NO DISCERNIBLE SKILLS.”

    So, if I seem extra cranky, it may actually be because of this movie.

  12. tomato meter for reviews that include the headline ‘beverly hills flop’

  13. One thousand turds

  14. Meanwhile, the same premise with white actors gets critical acclaim.

  15. This movie is like the Mississippi of movies; the one whose existence all the other movies are happy about because no matter how poorly ranked they are by every measure, at least they’re not as bad as this one.

  16. Hi I’m new. One time I worked at a video store back in the late 1980′s when you all were born. We had a whole big section just for porn. It was walled off with a shower curtain so impressionable youngsters wouldn’t be emotionally scarred for life. There were plenty of crazy movies in there, let me tell you. I learned a lot that summer I worked at the video store. My friends dad used to come in allll the time for the bounty of porn we stocked, and his favorite titles were ones that were rip offs of Hollywood blockbusters. On Golden Blonde, A Sexwork Orange, and Lawrence of A-labia are ones that I can remember. It was very difficult to keep myself from telling my friend that her dad was a perv, but I didn’t. Even when she went out with my ex-boyfriend without even asking me if it was cool with me (who does that?) Anyway, the porn title of this movie would be A Thousand Whores.

    What’s my prize?

  17. A worthless picture?

  18. “Check out Tyler Perry’s ‘A Thousand Words’ A heartwarming story of one thousand men, each named Word. ALL of them are played effortlessly by Eddie Murphy. Deserving of an Oscar? I daresay it should win one THOUSAND Oscars! One thousand thumbs up from this movie critic!” — That movie critic

  19. OK. I have to go to a client dinner, so I have to get these out in one shot:

    FLW Pun Lightning round starts… now:

    1. Nice to see Eddie Murphy going out on a limb for a role.
    2. I’d attempt a decent caption, but the point is probably mute.
    3. Eddie Murphy can’t talk or a tree dies, son of a birch.
    4. I daresay no one is pining to see this.
    5. A Thousand Words, truly silent but deadly
    6. Eddie Murphy, just quiet. (Whoops, misspelled the word “quit.”)
    7. Can’t spell lame without Elm
    8. I wooden wish this movie on my worst enemy.
    9. This movie gave my eyes dutch elm disease.
    10. This movie is just like the Giving Tree because they both made me cry, but for different reasons.

    OK. Gotta go. These all pretty much suck. FLW out.

  20. someone once said a pictures worth a thousand words, this picture seeks to debunk that theory

  21. Why isn’t the “+ WANT TO SEE IT” button working on that frakking screen grab!?

  22. I dont know where you live or what kind of a person are you but you are clearly stupid. EDDIE MURPHY IS IN 1000 WORDS, A MOVIE WHICH IN 4 YEARS HAS BECOME ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES. THE LIVE PREMIERE LEAVES PEOPLE APPALLED AND THE INGENIOUS COMEDIC PERFORMANCES ARE SO GOOD ITS ADDICTIVE. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO KNOW 1000 WORDS AND THEIR MOVIE, INCLUDING THE PAPARAZZI SO PLEASE BEFORE YOU WRITE AN ARTICLE ONLINE GO FUCK YOURSELF

  23. How hard is it to not say “A Thousand Words?”

    GUY: “Hey, how many words is it if you have 999 words and you add one more word?”
    EDDIE: “Ten hundred words.”

    The premise is absolute horse shit.

    (Aaaaand that’s about all I’ve got. I have nothing to say about this movie, nor do I have anything of real substance to contribute to this caption contest!)

  24. A Thousand Words With Friends
    Every time Eddie Murphy spells a word, the price of apps go up $1.

  25. One thing this movie will not explore in depth at all, guaranteed, is how the premise proves that BUDDHISM IS TOTALLY REAL, and if that’s the case then what the fuck is Eddie Murphy’s character so worried about?

    It’s like how in Bruce Almighty, Bruce gets GOD’S POWERS, and he doesn’t, oh, I don’t know, EXPLORE THE FUCKING UNIVERSE. Instead he just makes Jennifer Aniston’s breasts bigger and clears the street for his car to drive on and potty-trains his dog. FUCK YOU, MOVIE!

  26. A Thousound Words??? I suggest four. Beverly Hills Cop IV

  27. Coming Soon Pluto Nash 2: Even Nashier

  28. Available in $.99 cent bins within 48Hours.

  29. Sure, but I’ll still bet this movie nails what that ‘buddhism’ shit is all about.

  30. “I loved that movie!” – everybody’s mom

  31. If only “Shrek” had the same premise.

  32. Spoiler alert: It was the picture.

  33. RottenTomatoes doesn’t care about black people.

  34. Eddie Murphy’s got 999 problems, but his pride ain’t one.

  35. Do you want to see the movie A Thousand Words?

    I want to see it: 61%
    I don’t want to see it: 19%
    I don’t know: 20%

    *Mississippi poll result

  36. He should do a remake of Paris is Burning and play Dorian Corey

  37. This is what happens when you ban Armond White from Rotten Tomatoes.

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