In the year 2000, long before we all set up our Nicolas Cage google alerts, and long before Nicolas Cage found a naked stranger at the foot of his bed wearing his leather jacket and eating a fudgesicle, the actor suffered another egregious tragedy — the theft of a rare comic book. Mr. Cage had to wait 11 years, but in 2011 the comic was retrieved from an abandoned storage locker, and finally, in the year 2012, Ben Garant and Tom Lennon had the perfect idea, honestly perfect, these guys are perfect, what a perfect idea, of turning this incredible story into a movie. From The Hollywood Reporter:

Lionsgate has picked up Action No. 1, a heist comedy from writers and Reno 911! creators Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon. The duo also is producing along with Peter Principato and Paul Young.

The story revolves around a group of nerds who attempt to steal Cage’s copy of Action Comics No. 1, the landmark 1938 comic that introduced the world to the Man of Steel.

The part of Cage was written with the real Cage in mind, but at this stage, it’s unlikely that Cage will play himself.

Uh doy, of course it’s unlikely that Nicolas Cage would play himself. How could Nicolas Cage play a parody of himself in this perfect movie, when he has so many terrible movies he has to play a parody of himself in already lined up?! Although no one does “Nicolas Cage” like Nicolas Cage(/Andy Samberg), I’m sure if we put our tiny little pea brains together we’ll be able to think of an adequate replacement. I will go first.

A Scary Mask?

A Wig?

Robin Williams?

A Ghost?

Someone Taking An Improv Comedy Class?

A Circus Conductor?

Vincent Gallo?

Michael McDonald As “Stuart” From Mad TV?

Barbacoa Burrito?

Chuck Bass?

Male Mannequin?

Aaron Paul?

Any of those would be great! Do you have any other ideas, or did you just have all of the same ones?

Comments (34)
  1. Ashley Olsen.

  2. John Travolta?

  3. The Nicolas Cage clone that definitely exists

  4. For your consideration:

  5. No Vincent Gallo, Kelly! Put the Brown Bunny back in the box!

  6. To Ireland we go, for the annual Nicolas Cage Perfect Lookalike Competition.

  7. I don’t really understand the tone of this article, because this is DEFINITELY a movie I would watch. No joke. Also, I think we can all agree that Gary Busey should play Nicholas Cage.

  8. Walter Mercado…

  9. Charlie Kaufman, but only if they let him also play Nicholas Cage’s fictional twin brother.

  10. For your consideration: Andy Serkis in a motion capture suit

  11. Charlie Kaufman’s twin brother.

  12. Why none other than his apprentice Jay Baruchel!

    • I love this movie so much!!!!!

    • Wait a second… Is that the Park Slope F train stop? I have seen that movie at least six times and they never went to Brooklyn and they definitely were not in Park Slope. Or is that another stop in Manhattan? Ugh, another sloppy and weird choice that will only make this movie more awesome upon further drunk viewings.

  13. Lindsay Lohan is said to be interested in this project.

  14. Obviously Glenn Close (1 part Albert Knobbs, 1 part Cruella De Vil, 1 Part Pirate from Hook).

    Either her or MAYBE Alfred Molina.

  15. An exotic chameleon.

  16. I guess the real question is, why would Nic Cage ever turn down a chance to be in ANY movie?

  17. Have you guys heard about the possibility of Con Air 2? John “The Raven” Cusack sort of said it might be happening.

    He’s morphing into Nicky Cage by the day.

  18. Let’s see if Meryl Streep and her makeup guy REALLY can do anything.


    Weird Nicolas Cage appearance in this web series call 13 Witches??

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