Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: What’s up
Gabe: i’m at the hospital
Kelly: No way, why, what happened?!?
Gabe: just kidding!
Gabe: IMPROV.
Kelly: OH FOR GOODNESS SAKES
Kelly: You scared me half to death
Gabe: this week, like all weeks, nothing much is up
Kelly: Great, same with me
Kelly: Aside from the fact that I’m at the hospital!
Kelly: Improv.
Gabe: zip zap zop
Kelly: So here’s something
Kelly: Bill Maher says that liberals should accept Rush Limbaugh’s apology about Sandra Fluke, because we look bad for not accepting it.
Kelly: Did you hear about that?
Gabe: who’s bill maher?
Gabe: BOOM!
Gabe: IMPROV!
Kelly: Holy moly you can’t turn it off!
Gabe: yes and Bill Maher
Gabe: i feel like he’s right and also wrong
Gabe: and i also feel like what is he even talking about


Kelly: hahah
Kelly: A wide range of feelings
Gabe: how does a vague and non-corporeal group of people “accept” an apology?
Gabe: everyone is just supposed to agree?
Gabe: to accept it?
Gabe: we’re going to have a flash mob
Gabe: at the 100th birthday party for Oreo
Gabe: and at the agreed upon time
Gabe: we will all simultaneously accept his apology
Kelly: You organize it, I’ll get Bill Maher on the phone
Kelly: But I guess he’s saying that everybody should just
Kelly: stop talking about it so much
Gabe: i mean, i do think it “makes liberals look bad”
Gabe: i guess
Gabe: but who cares?
Gabe: i mean look bad to who? a bunch of jerks?

Kelly: Right
Kelly: I’m sure liberals, as a group, are fine with looking bad by being too upset about this situation
Gabe: “Ugh, all he did was publicly vilify a young woman half his age for speaking her mind. Let it gooooo!”
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Also what is funny is that
Kelly: I believe Bill Maher’s call for acceptance of the apology came after Sarah Palin tweeting
Kelly: Twitter is where all of my news comes from I don’t know about you
Gabe: all of it, yeah
Gabe: same here
Gabe: wait, sarah palin tweeting what?
Kelly: Tweeting that Barack Obama shouldn’t accept Bill Mahr’s million dollars to his super PAC
Kelly: Since Bill Maher called her a cunt on his show once
Kelly: I MEAN a c word
Gabe: haaaaa
Kelly: And now Bill Maher is saying “guys let it go”
Gabe: did he agree? did obama turn down the million?
Kelly: Hahah yeah
Kelly: I think he called Sarah and they had a chat about it
Gabe: “Sarah has a point.”
Kelly: Then he gave the million to her super PAC as an apology
Kelly: And now she’s the president
Kelly: Haven’t you been on twitter recently?!
Gabe: shoot, let me get on twitter real quick
Gabe: oh whoa, you’re right i didn’t see this
Gabe: can’t believe she’s president now, that’s crazyyyy
Kelly: I know! Life is truly what happens when you’re busy making plans.

Gabe: i totally understand how bill maher
Gabe: as a person who sort of does the same thing as rush limbaugh
Gabe: and is often incendiary and speaks his mind or whatever
Gabe: and has had his own problems with the public and advertisers turning against him
Gabe: and threatening his career/livelihood
Kelly: Yes
Gabe: could be sympathetic with what Limbaugh’s going through
Gabe: but a) the rest of us don’t have TV shows, guys
Gabe: it’s not like “first they came for Bill Maher’s TV show and I said nothing”
Gabe: but far more importantly
Gabe: rush limbaugh wasn’t attacking a public figure like Sarah Palin
Gabe: or making a blanket statement about 9/11
Gabe: he was trying to destroy a civilian
Gabe: which is a particularly evil and unnecessary thing to do
Gabe: so, you know, fuck his apology? because also it’s not like he made a joke that just got taken out of context
Gabe: or maybe it was a hilarious joke
Gabe: wait, did i miss it? was it funny?
Kelly: Oh yeah it might have been over your head
Kelly: I’m pretty sure
Kelly: he was doing a bit?
Gabe: was it a character he’s working on?
Gabe: was it a Harold?
Gabe: it would be one thing
Gabe: if rush limbaugh got caught up in the heat of the moment
Gabe: and later was like, you know, that was a bit much
Gabe: and i’m sorry i said some of those things, even though i still disagree with this or that
Gabe: but to make a lazy apology only in the aftermath of suffering very serious consequences
Gabe: it’s hard to even feel like going to the flash mob
Gabe: to accept it

Kelly: Haha, right
Kelly: I think us liberals
Kelly: as a group
Kelly: Would be much more inclined to do the flash mob if his apology weren’t just, basically
Kelly: “I’m sorry you got mad at what I said”
Gabe: i mean, i actually don’t mind if he’s not sorry
Gabe: because i know that he isn’t anyway
Gabe: so just don’t be sorry!
Gabe: but don’t say you’re sorry when you’re not sorry
Kelly: And then no one HAS to accept it
Gabe: that is the part that offends me
Gabe: that and every thing he said about that girl
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Right those two parts are what get me too
Kelly: But sure, if he didn’t give a no-hearted apology that he didn’t mean
Kelly: We could continue to be mad and Bill Maher would like us again, because he’d have no reason not to.
Gabe: really this is just a case of Al Capone’s taxes or whatever
Gabe: people are mad about what he said, but also excited to just have a reason
Gabe: to be mad at him for EVERYTHING over the years
Kelly: Yes
Gabe: people thought maybe they’d get that when he was doing too much oxycontin
Gabe: but that time i guess we did have to accept his apology or whatever
Gabe: bill maher didn’t even have to force us
that time
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: This was a Rush Limbaugh jerk jackpot, and REALLY it only happened like a few days ago
Kelly: So I say
Kelly: Let’s everyone talk about it so much for at least a few more days.
Kelly: And then we do not accept his apology but we move on, and have the flashmob anyway
Gabe: ok, guys
Gabe: you heard kelly
Kelly: Will you get Bill Maher on the phone and tell him the new plan?
Gabe: sext him
Gabe: you slut
Gabe: now i run in front of the chairs and end this scene

Comments (43)
  1. I wish I was friends with these Gabe and Kelly guys.

  2. I cannot believe that there is a debate/fight/dumbassery over contraception in 2012. Unless I went back in time fifty years and did not notice. Is that what happened? I choose to believe that is what happened.

  3. Bill Maher didn’t get in trouble for making blanket statements about 9/11. He got in trouble for having the audacity to say that the terrorists who took over those planes, killed the crews in hand to hand combat, and were willing to die for their cause weren’t cowards. That’s how he lost his show.

  4. First, liberals need to accept Limbaugh’s apology. Then, conservatives need to all write thank you notes to all the liberals. Then, liberals and conservatives need to go out for an awkward dinner where they are all stilted and overly polite at the beginning and then start checking their phones and emails halfway through the meal.

    In the meantime, tea partiers, please keep hoarding cans Mary Kitchen Corn Beef hash and Solar showers in your end-of-the-world bunkers.

  5. Why is everyone telling everyone else what to do lately?

  6. Hearing Rush Limbaugh not even getting close to grasping how birth control works reminds me of when inept characters buy drugs on sitcoms and they’re all like, “I’d like four drugs, please,” which is weird, considering how many drugs Rush does.

  7. “What about when liberals refused to accept Rush Limbaugh’s apology? He’s just an entertainer, but he can’t make jokes without being attacked! It’s classic liberal behavior — they have no sense of humor, they demand everyone only speak in approved PC terms, and the whole ‘Mainstream Media’ supports them every step of the way.” — pick a dad, any dad, next time I go home.

  8. yo, Rush has a gold mic? that is pretty tight.

  9. You know, I would be a lot more sympathetic to Bill Maher’s call for compassion towards Rush Limbaugh if, 1) Rush Limbaugh wasn’t already obscenely wealthy, so who cares if he loses his radio show and his “livelihood”? He’s plenty rich, he’ll still be a bloated hog carcass with a sex palace in the Dominican Republic, whatever. The fat sack of crap isn’t going to starve, or anything (unfortunately).

    But also, 2) if this hadn’t come after a BUNCH of conservative pundits said, “How come you liberals give Rush Limbaugh a lot of shit over this, but not Bill Maher when he says horrible misogynist crap?” ANd then there was a bunch of liberals who — demonstrating that “liberal” actually IS a morally superior philosophy to “conservative” — turned to each other and said, “Hey, you know? GOOD POINT.”

    “Uh…guys there’s no…no reason to get excited about this…this whole misogyny thing. It’s not, I’m just saying, let’s all just agree that it’s not that big a deal, you know?” — Bill Maher.

    • it’s true, Bill Maher is probably way more concerned about defending misogyny than anything else

      coud a Limbaugh/Tyler the Creator/Maher collaboration be too far off??

  10. I’m not going to accept Rush Limbaugh’s apology for the greatness of America.

  11. Rush Limbaugh is free to be an ass and people are free to listen. What’s most interesting about this whole debacle is that it turns out that he and his team were sort of fudging the number of listeners and so the whole 15-20 million daily figure was from 93. He’s nowhere near that now.

  12. You know one way to get asshole loudmouths to go away? Stop talking about them.

  13. Nope, sorry. Well, wait, rephrasing: If Rush HAD apologized, I wouldn’t accept it (as if I could accept ‘on behalf of my fellow Liberals’). Because I’m female, see, and we still get paid less for equal work, and we still get raped and battered to an insanely disproportionate degree. And 1919 (women voting can do it inception time jamboree) is NOT THAT LONG OF A TIME THINGY AGO. (“what’s a thesauronius?? Much less a diptiollary? – signed, wiminn”).
    Not gonna do it. I’m old enough that in my childhood, I was told I couldn’t study computer programming because “it’s for boys only” (Mr. Krebs, Mendocino Middle School, 1702-ish). That still just gets under my exoskeleton like crazy (fun fact – women are exoskeletal!! Did You Know?).
    So no, for these and a billion other tiring, irksome, ridiculous, demeaning, infuriating, exhausting reasons, I wouldn’t accept Rush’s apology, even if A) he had made one, which no he did not; and B) This type of argument, i.e. – “You’re making yourself unpopular by your refusal to lie down and be demeaned and belittled!!!” – has been used against women seeking freedom and equal rights for like, forever. SO NO. Gabe and Kelly, usually I want to marry both of you with a shotgun and a merry hi-ho, but not today.

    • And don’t you just love the fact that after all the assinine shit Limbaugh has said, THIS is the thing he should be forgiven for? Cuz, you know, it’s totes ok to call women “sluts” and “prostitutes” for standing up for contraceptive rights (in 2012? WTF!!!), because women still aren’t even human. Gynephobes unite!

      Plz note: I really fucking hate Maher and Limbaugh. They are two sides of the worst coin.

  14. So is Bill Maher saying that liberals are the only ones that can be upset by gross misogyny?

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