Yesterday, some photos were leaked onto the Internet that Olivia Munn (Perfect Couples) supposedly sent to Chris Pine (Unstoppable) while they were dating. These photos were hacked (read: stolen) from her phone, and they’re NSFW, so we are not going to post them. I’m not even going to include a link to them. If you want to see them, I’m sure you can find them. I have some issues with the whole business. Stop hacking people’s phones, guys! It’s not very nice! I’m not even comfortable when people’s old yearbook photos pop up on-line, much less something as invasive and rude as this. But there are some things about it that are real curious. For one, am I living in some kind of Fringe alternate universe? If you’re in movies or on TV (or congress), how about you just DON’T sext photos of yourself to anyone. That’s an option still, right? Or do you have to do that now. Is that part of it now? If you were to hack my phone this instant you’d find a lot of pictures of my dog and a few photos of some various sandwiches I’ve eaten at different times and that’s about it, and I don’t even have a serious reputation/career to maintain! I know you’re all raging narcissists, but to quote a late night informercial for anything, “THERE’S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!” But also these sexy photos that Olivia Munn sent are covered in bright yellow text with drop shadows and arrows pointing to her genitals. Just to explain what I am saying, which would be so easy if I would just include a link to what we are even talking about here but I’m not going to and you do have to draw your lines somewhere, but to really put this into your brain the way it needs to be there: Olivia Munn took a sexy photo and then she LOADED AN APP to type words on it. Can you even imagine? Imagine it for a second. I’ll wait. Picture it.

Right? Ahhhh! “Hmm, what are some words that I can use?” That is Olivia Munn staring at herself on her phone. “Hmmm, I need some words.” (Incidentally, one of the photos includes TWO arrows and it says “put your cum here and here,” which is gross and I’m already starting to blur that line I just drew two seconds ago, but I do need to share the phrase “put your cum here and here” because it makes me laugh so much. Hot stuff!) Then, of course, there’s the minor issue of how many of the photos are full body lingerie shots, or photos of her from behind. Which means someone else took them or she put a camera on a tripod and set it on a timer, which is more likely and reasonable but so then the process involved finding the right connector cable and plugging her camera into her computer and THEN loading the photos into the yellow-text-drop-shadow app and then figuring out which words to use (“put your cum here and here”) and then what? Did she get yet ANOTHER connector cable and plug her phone into her computer and load the revised photos onto her phone and then SEXT them, or did she EMAIL them to Chris Pine? Did she include a subject line or did she leave it blank and have to click “OK” on that pop up window that says “Are you sure you want to send this email without a subject”? But the photos were stolen from her phone, so at some point she did have to nevermind my head is falling off. What I’m saying is, like, even regardless of the ensuing scandal and embarrassment when your photos are stolen off your phone and published on Gawker, or whatever, could be any site, who knows where those photos even are, but so even besides the mess that comes with those photos leaking, IT JUST FEELS LIKE A LOT OF WORK. Chris Pine was probably going to kiss you anyways. It was a nice gesture but maybe read a book or something? It’s too much effort considering all the dangers. You’re just trying to be sexy, not pull off the Thomas Crowne Affair. Minimize your risk!

Then again, none of this is even any of our business, so forget it.

Comments (68)
  1. What the fuck is with all the words in this post? I was led to believe there would be photo sexts being unpacked!

  2. Daaamn, Gabe, just show us the pictures, no need to write a whole sextbook about the subject!

  3. You goin to post pics of those sandwiches or what.

  4. I share Gabe’s reservations about stolen sexts, but holy moly did you guys see the stuff she wrote?!? That was some serious sexting, you guys.

  5. “Subject: RE: RE: oops [was: RE: FW: RE: FW: RE: "put your cum here and here"] — Oops, meant to add, ‘also put it here.’ Stupid app.”

    –Olivia Munn’s “Sent Messages” folder

  6. chris pine really did come out of nowhere. it was up to miss munn to instruct him on how to properly insert himself on the scene.

    “you don’t just jump into small ugly parts!” she said, referring to his role in Smokin’ Aces, “you need to firm up and go for the juicy bits,” like acting alongside Denzel Washington in Unstoppable, “before going for the money shot.” [As James Kirk in Star Trek Pine likely received the biggest pay day yet. - ed.]

  7. mmmm….sandwiches….

  8. How do these people hack phones, man, I am SO CONFUSED!
    And Olivia’s photo editing process seems lacking, WE NEED MORE DONGLES AND CONNECTORS

  9. Olivia Munn: Secret Devoted Rush Limbaugh Fan?

  10. Is this how the kids are doing it nowadays?

  11. Internet star, Olivia Munn, takes a cheesecake shot on her phone. At the same time, across the country, Gabe takes a photo of a sandwich with Munster cheese. Coincidence?

  12. These stories piss me off so much. Don’t hack people’s phones/computers/llamas/whatever, people! That is a really really really shitty thing to do! I don’t care if the pictures are of the owner naked, or the owner’s dog, or maybe just a folder full of pictures of the owner’s strangely extensive Tilda Swinton sockpupped collection. Leave that shit alone.

    I know that I am yelling in the wrong area regarding this but dammit, I have SO MANY FEELINGS about this, and it was either comment here or explode in a puff of rage.

    • I thought it would be a funny joke, but now I feel really bad for hacking Olivia Munn’s phone. Thank you lilbobbytables for changing my life.

  13. If you hacked into my phone, you’d find my tip calculator….TIP calculator….It’s a tip calculator if you want to calculate tips…..I don’t have a smartphone

  14. I totally understand taking sexy photos of yourself and sending it to your boyfriend, because we all know boyfriends NEED visual stimulation and a target (ew), but whatever happened to the days when couples in sometimes long distance relationships either a) had lots of phone sex that didn’t require any pictures or text apps, or b) just cheated on each other and then mum’s the word?

    I guess people still do those things in addition to sexting naked photos, but BACK IN MY DAY (last November) people, could be any one person or multiples of people, had the decency to not include their face in the picture. Stop putting your mugs in the photos people! DENY! DENY! DENY!

  15. Yes, sure, we were all going to kiss Olivia Munn anyway, but after getting a bunch of these sexts from her, wouldn’t it mean more?

    • Oops. I did not mean to post this. I was trying to think of a good joke and came up with bupkus and I thought I closed the window. Instead I sent it out into the universe. Put your downvotes here and here.

  16. I just assumed the text was added by the hacker.

    • Same here. If that stuff was added by her, that’s kind of a whole new ball of crazy. Except for the stuffed animal one. If a hacker added that text, then, well, I guess it’s a different kind of crazy.

  17. Once I lost my phone and they had to go through all my sexy pics of my dog and various trees I thought were neat and some mountains (no pervo) then they realized they could go on FB from my phone and emailed me from me to let me know they had my phone.

    The point is that Olivia Munn is known for being gross and untalented and very over-the-top-not-subtle-by-any-definition sexual more than, say, acting. So maybe she did it so people at the party would know whose phone they found.

    I have since gotten a landline and I called it “Me Inside The House” so people won’t ask if a small yellow dog actually owns my phone. (He does.)

    • I’m not even sure if that was English. I was up very late last night. I need a nap and then a very large coffee and maybe another nap just to be safe.

  18. So, there has been some question as to whether Olivia Munn is sufficiently geeky to be a “geek icon.”

    I think using an app to sext Captain Kirk pretty much puts that one to rest. My hat is off to you, ma’am.

  19. With regard to the ‘tripod’ issue and the full body shots from behind, it’s more likely that she just used her laptop’s PhotoBooth to get those pics.

  20. I feel like Gabe has only made the photos more tantalizing by not describing them in detail. Specifically, I keep imagining all the places the two arrows could be pointing to and I’m dying to know where she told Chris to put it. I’m trying not to think about it but my mind automatically keeps making up lists that alternate between what I think are actual possibilities (disgusting) and also funny places (I still haven’t thought of any but I mean places that are not part of her body or anything sexual and are meant as a joke like if she and Chris had some inside joke about a place they hate or love and she wanted him to put it there maybe? I don’t really know what sense of humor she has).

    Also I keep wondering if really I just want to see Olivia Munn nudey pics so my subconscious has created this distorted desire to unravel a mystery so that I can justify finding these pictures and then tell myself that it was to satisfy my intellectual curiousity (people look at Olivia Munn’s lady parts in order to satisfy intellectual curiousity right?).

    I’m so distracted that I just ate a sandwhich and forgot to take its picture.

    • Like her ear?

      • I think ear(s) is on my mental list (or it is now anyway) but I don’t know whether to put it under the Real Possibilities: Disgusting column or under the Funny Places: Like a Bad Restaurant Maybe? column. Incidentally, I’m extending the Funny Places: Like a Bad Restaurant Maybe? column to include body parts but ones that I don’t think someone would actually want it so it is a joke. It also includes other people’s body parts if maybe they thought it would be funny for him to put it on someone else for some reason. Do couples make those kinds of jokes about placing your cum on someone else? I would think not but I would also think not about sexting so I dont know.

  21. “Put your cum here and here, and initial here, and please print your name here, annnndddd cum on me here, here, and here. It’s been pleasure sexting business with you.”

  22. I may just be wrongly assuming that they want these pics out there for publicity purposes. It doesn’t occur to me that there is any other reason they would be doing it. I mean if you take a naked picture of yourself, chances are someone other than the intended party is gonna see it someday. In my case I’m begging people to look and not to cover their eyes, but I’m sure there is some perv who wants to see them SOMEWHERE.

  23. This is just viral marketing for Olivia Munn’s new hosting gig, ‘Attack of the Show Me Where to Come.’

    goodnight

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