paula_deen

Now that the Paula Deen Asshole Train has pulled out of the station, someone broke off the brake handle and this thing is Chris Pine’s Unstoppable! Look out for that bend! Paula Deen is going to fly off the rails and blow up the chemical plant! AHHHHHHH! Anyway, just weeks after it was revealed that the Butter Queen is suffering from Type II diabetes from the exact same garbage she’s been shoving into American mouths for years, but was keeping it secret until she locked down her endorsement deal with a pharmaceutical company, now Mrs. Heavy Cream is being sued along with her brother Bubba for creating a terrible work environment at their restaurant, Bubba’s Oyster and Seafood House (real name for a real restaurant owned by Paula Deen!)! Most of the accusations center on Bubba, who used to watch porn in the office, made racist comments about Barack Obama, and spit in the plaintiff’s face during an argument. But here is the real bombshell featuring Mrs. Type II Deenabetes herself (from Radar via Dlisted):

According to the court documents, Jackson states that she was appointed by Deen to handle the catering and staff for Bubba’s wedding in 2007, and she asked Deen what the servers should wear: “Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n***ers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around,” Jackson alleges Deen told her. “Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn’t it? But we can’t do that because the media would be on me about that.”

Ugh, don’t you guys hate the MEDIA and how they’re always ON YOU? Can Paula Deen live? For the time being, neither Paula nor Bubba has responded to the charges, so it’s all simply the word of one woman, but I do feel like if this ever went to trial the judge would just dismiss the case without hearing any testimony because OF COURSE Paula Deen is racist. Would you sue the sun for shining? Would you sue the rain for being wet? YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Comments (39)
  1. “Fuck this bitch” -McKay Hatch

  2. I can’t wait to see the photoshopped Paula Deen meme for this one…

  3. Look – I love mercilessly mocking celebrities who say or do dumb stuff as much as the next guy, but it’s probably important to note the context of the accusation. It’s in the complaint for a lawsuit that is mostly centered around her brother.

    Now, if I were an unscrupulous plaintiff’s attorney and this case walked into my office, my goal would be to give the defendant a reason to agree to a lucrative settlement quickly. So maybe I’d decide that the best way to accomplish this goal is to include a vile (and tbh, sort of over the top) statement supposedly uttered by the defendant’s very famous sibling who is going through a rough PR patch and stands to lose a lot if the world thinks she’s racist.

    I don’t know if that’s the case here, but even if Paula Seen is a racist, doesn’t that quote seem a little bit much for her to have actually said to the plaintiff’s face? Just sayin’.

  4. Nobody tell Paula Deen what Shirley Temple’s married name is.

  5. I’m having some trouble focusing on Paula Deen right now because I just clicked that “can I live” link and WHAT THE FUCK, NICK CANNON? Holy shit, I’ve always been pretty neutral towards that guy, mostly because I know nothing about him, but like thirty seconds into that song he jumped to the top of my most hated list. Did everybody else already know about that song? Fuck you, Nick Cannon, seriously.

  6. To be honest, this is really starting to feel like a witch hunt. This is passing down judgement on someone based on one unsubstantiated testimonial, despite the fact that, to my knowledge, she has never publicly done anything else even remotely racist. And then, to top it off, it’s posted as a “duh afficionado” post, as if this is something we should have just been assuming all along.

    I really think it’s time for the Videogum reset button on this one. Let’s all take a step back, take a deep breath, and get back to mocking the GOP candidates, with their proven record of documented racism.

    • I mostly agree with both you and R2. I think it’s too big a jump from “asshole” (accurate) to “also racist” (unsubstantiated claim). It probably would have been better as an “Oh brother, Paula Deen is also maybe racist?” post.

      • I agree too. R2 and facetaco make good points, but what’s the fun in that? What’s the fun in being fair and balanced like Fox news?

    • Your honor, it goes to credibility! Essentially the witness is known to have sold poison to millions of people while secretly investing in poison antidote. Is it likely or unlikely that such a mass murderer and profiteer is also a racist?

      Furthermore, your honor, I believe you’ll see we’re outlining circumstances here which establish the high probability that our characterization of the witness as racist is accurate. Her restaurant is named the “Oyster AND Seafood House,” your honor, but oysters are well known to BE seafood; if anyone named a restaurant the “House of Steak AND Beef” or perhaps the “Lettuce with Tomatoes and Dressing AND Salad House,” that would be taken as proof of mental deficiency. And mental deficiency is required for virulent racism.

      What’s that? Your honor will allow it? I will now be seated?

  7. “Some of my best friends are Black(berry cobblers)”

  8. Paula Deen riding things wearing white hoods

  9. She’s trying to keep her racism secret until she lands an advertising deal with the NAACP.

  10. Lately I’m starting to feel, when reading Gabe’s posts, like I’m at Thanksgiving dinner and my uncle is ranting, and it was really funny at the beginning because he is a funny guy and usually pretty nice if a little crazy, but then he keeps yelling until everyone gets uncomfortable and people start looking at each other and quietly start eating their pie?

    I miss funny Videogum. Or rants that were intelligent and based on more than hearsay from a plaintiff in a lawsuit or dumb offhand quotes from celebrities that didn’t even mean anything. Posts as of late feel really angry? For no reason? For instance. The Anne Hathway post.

  11. She butter find a good PR person before she’s fried in the media.

    Also, lard.

  12. obviously this is currently just an accusation, but sadly, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was true. she’s a late middle aged white lady from savannah. she grew up in the jim crow south. now, that doesn’t mean that she is definitely a racist, but it does mean that she has a pretty high chance of saying stupid racist shit sometimes. :(

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