Daryl is beating up Russell in the shed. Right. No, yeah. Last week, Grimes kept saying “I need a night to think about what to do, and Daryl needs a night to beat up Russell in the shed.” This poor kid. First he gets his leg impaled on a wrought iron fence, then he gets “saved,” then he gets left for dead, then he gets saved again, and now he’s getting his lights punched out. Lots of mixed messages here. If I was this kid I would be like, “Guys? Can you stop punching me in the face and/or saving/abandoning me for a second because I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here.” Daryl is trying to get information about the guy’s gang. Why? Is that going to change anything? How does that change anything? If he punches the kid in the face enough times will the Zombie Apocalypse be over? Daryl digs his knife into the kid’s leg. Eesh. Relax, Daryl. He asks if the kid has ever had a scab before. Wait, is there someone on Earth who hasn’t had a scab before? He says when you have a scab you pick at it for awhile, but eventually you have to rip it off. Yeah, Daryl, everyone knows how scabs work, genius. The kid finally “gives up” the information that there are 30 people in his group, including women and children. “We’re just like you,” he says. Not really sure why he endured Daryl’s interrogation tactics for so long in the first place. The world’s over, boys. No more secrets. But then the kid goes on to tell some story about how the men in his group would go hunting and then one time they raped a couple of teenagers in front of their father. But the kid didn’t participate, says the kid. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, duuuuuuuuuuuuude? That’s a weird story to tell when no one asked you to tell it. Like, just to clarify, Daryl wasn’t like, “have you or anyone in your gang ever raped any teenage girls by firelight in front of their father and then left them for dead, out of curiosity?” The kid just brought it out all on his own. Rest your case! Rest your case! Objection! SUSTAINED!

Back at the campsite, everyone is asking Grimes what the plan is. “We’ll know soon enough,” he says. Know what? I’m so confused by this whole Abu Grahib situation. As far as I can tell there are three options: you kill the kid, you let the kid go, or you let the kid stay. That’s it. And no amount of punching the kid in the face or poking at his miraculously well heeled leg wounds that were supposedly going to leave the leg unusable two episodes ago but now are not even an issue with a knife is going to change these three options. Daryl walks up and explains that the gang consists of 30 men with heavy artillery who aren’t “looking to make friends.” He then says that if they find the farm, they’ll kill the men and the women will “wish they were dead.” Haha. It’s funny to start with a cute euphemism like “they aren’t looking to make friends” and then close it out with “you’re all going to be raped and murdered.” Way to keep it light, Daryl! (When Sophia’s mom asks him what he did to get this information he looks at his bloodied knuckles and says “we had a chat.” The guy knows how to dole out information AS NEEDED.) Grimes says that it’s decided. The kid is a threat. They have to eliminate the threat. Dale tells Grimes that he can’t just kill the kid. And thus begins a painfully long Community College Reading Level Debate about the moral fabric of human nature. Well hold on, then. If we’re going to do this, Grimes is going to need to put on a brand new white shirt that he found somewhere who knows where.

Dale says that there needs to be a process and that Grimes needs to give people time to think. Grimes says that people are scared and that it’s his job to keep them safe. Shane really did a number on Grimes with this keeping people safe business. He’s a broken record with it now. As if somehow he’s going to keep them safe by just saying that he needs to keep them safe often enough. Dale tells Grimes to think about Carl and the message that he’s sending to him by executing an innocent man. Ah, here is where Dale loses me. You can make the argument that protecting human life continues to be important and perhaps more so than ever in protecting our humanity in a lawless society, but I could give a FUCK about Carl. What does Dale think this is, Zombie Reading Rainbow? Who cares what Carl thinks. Look at him!

Grimes agrees to let Dale walk around the farm all day begging people to join Team No Murder, and they will reconvene at sunset for a House Meeting. Ugh. Dale gets all day? Give him five minutes. WE GOT 2 KEEP THIS SHOW MOVING, BOYS! First, Dale talks to Andrea in the RV. Did you know that she used to be a civil rights lawyer? LOLOLOL. OF COURSE SHE USED TO BE A CIVIL RIGHTS LAWYER ALL OF A SUDDEN! A civil rights lawyer. Now that is rich. Dale asks Andrea to guard the boy so that Shane doesn’t shoot him in the next five minutes. What is even going on in this camp at this point? What delusional concept of the world is Dale trying to protect? She says she’ll do it, but “not because [she thinks he's] right.” Well why then? Wait, why? Andrea? Andrea? Why? Andrea?

Shane walks up and finds Andrea guarding the shed. People on this besieged farm in a nightmare world sure do have a lot of time for just wandering all over the place and bumping into casual conversation. Andrea asks Shane what he wants to do about it. “Rick is the leader of this group. It’s Herschel’s house.” That last part is definitely true, although for as much as people whine about Rick’s leadership, they sure do come to accept it in a way that is hilarious. “Well, he’s the elected President of the Farm and if we want a new President we’re going to have to wait 18 zombie moons as it is written in the Zombiestution.” Shane says he wants to lock Grimes and Herschel in a room and take away their guns. WHOA! Now we’re talking. “I don’t know,” Andrea says, “that could get out of hand.” HAHAHahaha. UH HUH! It could definitely get out of hand if you’re not careful. Oh, it might go GREAT. But also it could get out of hand? “No it wouldn’t,” Shane says, “I wouldn’t let it.” OH WELL IN THAT CASE. These two should get married at the Apple Genius Bar and then have their honeymoon in the cannibal basement of that cute little bed and breakfast from Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.

Carl sneaks into the shed and looks at the chained up guy with dead eyes. “We need to talk about Carl,” or whatever. This whole episode we are supposed to be worried about him. Is he growing up too fast? Is his heart hardening? WHO GIVES A FUUUUUUUUUU. This episode is operating under the completely false assumption that there is any possibility OTHER than Carl becoming a deeply fucked up human being. He’s done. It’s over. Let’s move on. Shane finds him in the shed and yells at him. Carl doesn’t want to be grounded. Shane explains that it’s not about getting in trouble, which is totally true, although if you don’t at least have that to threaten Carl with it’s only a matter of time before he becomes some kind of violent Jungle Despot lording over his own sex slaves. At the very least, you have to be able to take his dessert. Carl, go to your blood-stained tent that smells like b.o. and feces and think about what you’ve done! NO ZOMBIES ALLOWED.

Dale keeps talking to everyone. It’s boring. Him and Shane something something whatever.

Sophia’s mom says something to Carl about Sophia being in heaven, and Carl gives her some sassy talkback. He calls her an idiot. Boom! Carl droppin’ bombs. Naturally, Grimes and Lori just happen to be conveniently walking by (seriously, what are all these aimless strolls everyone is constantly on this week?) and Sophia’s mom tells them that they need to do something about their disrespectful son. Oh who cares. Will someone please just “curve a bullet,” Angelina Jolie in Wanted style, and put everyone out of their fucking misery? It’s exhausting just watching these grumps complain to each other about every little thing. Grimes tells Carl to stop talking and start thinking. I’m pretty sure that’s embroidered on a throw pillow in the farmhouse. Carl wanders off some more. So much fucking wandering, it’s ridiculous. Doesn’t he have some math problems to do, or some potatoes to peel, or some cyanide pills to take? He finds a gun in a saddle bag on Daryl’s Nazi motorcycle underneath the squirrel butts…

…and walks off into the woods to play with a zombie stuck in the mud.

Herschel gives Glen the pocketwatch that was hidden in Christopher Walken’s ass.

Finally it is time for the gang to discuss the fate of the boy they have chained up in the shed. It is supposed to be a very important scene. Dale is the lone voice of “reason” about how they’re turning their backs on their own humanity and they’re no better than the theoretical gang they’re so scared of. Well, wait, is that true? I mean, those two dudes in the bar were very creepy and threatening and tried to kill Grimes and when their friends showed up, they tried to kill everyone, too, and then you have the completely unasked for story about raping the teenage girls. Just in general, there is mounting evidence that this other gang actually IS kind of scary and not the same as this rag tag gang of mopes. But, so, Dale finally convinces Andrea, who opens her eyes wide and says “he’s right.” Ugh, why does Andrea think that she’s such a genius every time she has a sustained thought. She’s constantly reactionary and suicidal and then the second SHE stops wanting to kill herself or agrees with something that someone else has been saying the whole time, she acts like she’s fucking Queen of Eureeka’s Castle. “He’s right!” Shut up, Andrea. Besides, the two of you are outvoted. Dale goes for a walk. Is there nothing to do on this farm besides debate our fundamental existence and go for walks? Must be nice. They should turn the farm into a graduate program.

Grimes, Shane, and Daryl take the boy out to the barn to kill him. Shane ties a blindfold over his face. Grimes asks if he has any last words. Suddenly, Carl shows up. Ugh. CARRRRLLLLLLL! “Do it, dad!” he says. “Do it!” Gross. What a piece of shit. Will no one ground him? And by ground him I mean shoot him and bury him in the ground. Pow! You’re grounded! Grimes, of course, has second thoughts. He puts his gun down and says “take him away.” Uh. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO, KING GRIMES? Daryl leads the guy out of the barn because Grimes said to take him away. What on Earth? If I was a member of a rag tag group of survivors in a collapsed society surrounded by flesh-eating undead corpses and someone said “take him away” I would tell that person to go fuck himself. And then I would go for a leisurely stroll around the property, apparently, because that’s what one does it turns out.

Speaking of leisurely strolls around the property, Dale is walking all by himself through the dark for no reason. Like, I know you’re mad about this execution thing, but why are you going to wander alone through the dark a mile away from all of your friends? Even in the Non Zombie World that’s not the smartest idea. He sees a cow with its guts all torn off and turns around only to find a zombie all up in his grill.

That’s the thing about zombies, though. You either see them coming from a mile away, or they sneak right up on you. It all depends on what makes more sense for the writers. Anyway, Dale screams and the zombie tackles him and now they are rolling in the grass and everyone is running to help him but he’s so far away and out in the darkness because he’s got morals, I think? I think that’s why. The zombie is getting closer and closer but also kind of taking its time, and then the zombie RIPS OPEN DALE’S TUMMY WITH ITS HANDS! Did you know zombies could do that? Surprise!

That is when everyone runs up. If only they had arrived 10 seconds earlier. Shoot. Sliding Doors.

Grimes is like “We need Herschel,” which is hilarious. Not only is he a veterinarian and you’re out in the middle of a dark field in the middle of an uncaring universe, but also LOOK AT DALE’S GUTS ALL OVER. Herschel tells Grimes it’s no dice.

Carl sees that it’s the same zombie he was playing with in the forest. Carl is totally going to defriend him on Facebook. He burrows his head into Lori’s bosom. Grimes goes to shoot Dale in the face but he can’t do it. So Daryl does it. “Sorry, brother,” he says. Ew. Can you imagine if that was the last thing you heard before you died? You’d want to kill yourself! Sorry, brother. Yuck. We cut to black as a gunshot fills the air. So powerful. Our lone voice of reason is dead. Just kidding. This show isn’t real! Goodbye, Dale. You are in heaven now, wearing a tank top made of clouds and making bug eyes at the angels.

Comments (85)
  1. This made me laugh way too loudly at work. Every week I just want to grab that kid and shake the shit out of him and tell him, “No kids are named Carl, Carl.”

    • Agreed. I knew this would be a great recap just due to the fact of so much Carl in the episode. Oh, Carl. You stupid stupid child. Why is no one ever watching him? He can steal guns, go off into the woods, go to the barn to watch the killin’, and no one even notices he’s gone? I guess they all dislike him as much as we do.

      • Carl-As-Plot-Device is terribly lazy.

        For the record, he is kept under a pretty strict watch in the comic books. Rick and Lori freak out immediately if he’s ever out of view, which isn’t much, and when they are watching after him he’s never getting shot while trying to pet a wild buck that was probably going to maul him in a panic.

        • well, they’ve pretty much wiped their butt with the comics
          …….as far as i can tell from reading the wikipedia about the comics.

          • “Carl”

          • It does feel that way now, at this point (and also at all previous points).
            To be clear, I’m not even saying I want the tv show to be the comic (Sin City very much made it clear to fans of comics what a film looks and feels like if it was just the comic frame by frame). I appreciate adaptations to new mediums, and try to remove myself from being subjective when I’m familiar with source material. It’s hard at times to not be subjective, but all I can do is try.

            So when an adaptation immediately presents a series of flawed ideas, red flags go up in my brain attached to arrows pointing at all the source material. Then I tell myself to be patient– that maybe I’m not seeing something that the writers are building to in this version of this thing I know about– and I wait cautiously. After a time, when nothing is followed up on, I finally go “Why didn’t they just do it the way it happened in the comics? It wasn’t so needlessly complicated and boring.” I can only make that comparison when the stuff in the show comes from the comics.

            so all of Daryl’s and Merle’s stuff, the vato caregivers and the CDC from season 1, and the search for Sophia and Carl’s shooting from season 2 are things I experienced with no reference point, just like anybody else. That stuff was not in the books. And all of it still seemed needlessly complicated and the most damning thing of all, BORING (with the exception of Michael Rooker just being fun to watch act, but after a while, still BORING).

            And that’s what feels so unfortunate. If they’re going to scrap adapting perfectly good story arcs from the book for new content exclusive to the show, that new content needs to at LEAST be on par with what it’s replacing.

      • We just spent 7 miserable episodes looking for Sophia, who wound up dead, so what do the gang do? Let Carl go off by himself and screw around in the woods. That’s just quality writing right there.

        Ugh… I need to rewatch last week’s Justified to wash the taste of this show out of my mouth.

        • Does anyone watch Talking Dead? Anyway, the host had a poll about “what should grimes have done when he saw that Carl was there right before he was supposed to shoot randall?”
          Did anyone else yell “Shoot Carl!” at the TV?

          • What I don’t understand is, after Carl’s appearance prompted Rick to tell Shane and Daryl to take Randall away, why didn’t Daryl and Shane tell Rick to take care of his kid and THEY’LL proceed with the execution?

      • Why in the hell doesn’t Carl have a (crappy)southern accent like his parents? Just another small reason this show sucks big time zombie dick.

    • I know. I have to read them at home now because Gabe’s writing is literally LOL. I wish I could highlight some of these sentences that are pure genius.

  2. Seriously, if Angelina Jolie from Wanted zombie showed up*, I would so watch this again. Heck, just a ‘day in the life’ episode from the Zombie POV would be aces. Or even a POV from a squirrel, in the woods, doing squirrel things. I really want to like this show because zombies, but argh, characters, have you tried not making terrible decisions?

    *something something James McAvoy something. I am guessing by this time my opinion is known on that subject.

  3. There’s just one thing this show is lacking: some phony character building “back story” flashback filler segments to mix things up a bit and imply some deeper larger meaning just beyond reach. Ha ha ha just kiddin’!

  4. Not that this matter is of vital importance, but I think the kid in barn is named Randall, not Russell. And yeah, every time I see him put pressure on that leg WHICH WAS ALL BUT EVISCERATED last week, I think “aw, c’mon, show”.

    • If there’s one thing this show has taught me, it’s that hospitals should hire veterinarians as surgeons, because they can magically fix any horrific injury. “Normally there would be nerve damage, but I gave you a pill for heart worm, so you should be fine.”

  5. I stopped watching after the first episode back from hiatus, and I do NOT miss the show at all. It’s just… bad. Really bad. And frustrating, but not even frustrating in the LOST way where I got enjoyable moments pretty consistently. I know that’s some “duh aficionado magazine”-level analysis, but it’s nice to be able to admit that and not try to convince myself the show is ever going to get better. It probably won’t. The recaps here practically justify the show’s existence, though.

  6. That zombie was a real stick in the mud.

  7. I once again did not see this episode, as I have no cable and am sheepish when it comes to finding online sources. But I did read a couple show recaps and found out about Dale before the show even aired on the west coast. I can’t attest to the quality of any of these episodes, having not seen any of them, but I have to keep up for Gabe’s recaps alone (and that i read the comics so I’m not terribly inconvenienced by any spoiler-y things on the show).

    All I can say is what I said earlier to djfreshie: Dale’s death temporarily has thrown the scent off for anyone who has read the books (emphasis on TEMPORARILY), meaning that Dale is around for a very long time in the books. That being said: Anything Dale did in the books (ex: Andrea), any of these characters can be written to do on the show, so bye-bye Dale!

    I have something else I want to share about the Walking Dead Minisodes(!) (no spoilers), but this comment is long enough, so I’ll wait until there are some more comments on the page.

    • P.S. I know I just wrote “(no spoilers)” in that post, but I totally just talk about what happens in the web-isodes in the comment further down below. So, you know, there are actually spoilers, if you care.

  8. Dale’s death scene was genuinely scary and disturbing, and if this show had any guts (GUTS), there’d be more scenes like it.

    Also, I know it’s more fun to talk about how terrible the show is, but this episode seemed like a step in the right direction with its neat self-contained arc (although they really should have killed Randall to wrap that bit up) and foreshadowing that actually foreshadowed things.

  9. So I’m kind of sad about Dale because when you think about it, Dale was a pretty cool guy, right? He cared about Andrea (somehow!). He was moral. He argued for humanity.

    Then I realize he was fucking annoying and it makes me sad how much the writers of this show can ruin any kind of good thing by making it FUCKING ANNOYING.

    RIP Dale. Well, kinda.

    • What pisses me off about Dale (AND THIS SHOW) is that he was a good character on paper. I SHOULD have felt sad when he died, because he WAS moral and cool in theory, but I didn’t because NOTHING IN THIS SHOW HAS DEPTH. What passes for depth on TWD are just hamfisted moments of manufactured gravitas and I am so offended that this is supposedly one of “the better shows on TV.” Ugh. Maybe I’ve just been spoiled by Breaking Bad and its ilk?

  10. Eureeeeeka! Eureeka’s Caaaastle!

    Last week I wished for less Dale and Carl, and neither were in the episode. I should’ve known it would backfire on me. Last night I yelled at the screen more than I ever have before, and my boyfriend is worried about the level of hate I have for a fictional child character and his stupid fucking hat.

  11. Do you guys think Carl will be suicidal in the next ep? I’m really interested to see where the characters stand on the issue of suicide, as it’s a theme that hasn’t really been explored on the show yet.

  12. I couldn’t get over how straight the zombies teeth were.

  13. Note to self: When walking in a field at night, with evidence of zombies in the immediate area, walk in the direction where you don’t see any zombies, because if there aren’t any zombies in front of you, they’re probably behind you.

  14. So, Dale’s stomach was made out of bread dough? Ok. Just checking.

    • right??! the same zombie who was stuck in THE FUCKING MUD tears open stomachs like a bag of chips.

      • He was a gym rat when he was alive, but he only worked on his arms.

      • Oh my god thank you- here’s what I don’t get about this- how many scenes have we had where the zombies have been right on top of Grimes, Shane, whoever, and they heroically fight them off seconds before they are able to bite them? Are you telling me all this time they’ve had stomach ripping powers but chose not to use them? or are they EVOLVING?!?!?!

  15. I watched the Walking Dead webisode series “Torn Apart” on hulu last night. 6 episodes. Total running time of 19:35. It tells the story of the last days of ‘Bicycle Girl,’ who eventually becomes the torn in half zombie that Grimes shoots in the face at the end of the very first episode of the show.

    It has as much cringe-worthy, eye-rolling, cheesily-acted, plothole-pock-marked-interpersonal-drama-and-inane-bickering mixed with suspenseful zombie effects and gore (and a zombie cameo by Scott Weiland!) as a whole six episode season of the regular show, but it’s all crammed in and done before you know it.

    And Bicycle Girl? She has the dumbest death ever, and fuck her she deserved to be half a torso and Grimes should’ve let her drag her stupid zombie body around forever. She literally gets in an abandoned muscle car in the middle of the street, she motions to her kids to get in the car, a BACKSEAT DRIVER ZOMBIE sits up and gingerly bites her arm without even grabbing hold of it first. Just mouth-to-arm-bite that she’s completely oblivious to. Then she shoots the zombie in the head, gets out of the car, hands the revolver to her kids and is like, “Run away, guys! I love you!” Then the kids run away as zombies nonchalantly walk up behind her and proceed to eat her to pieces. Fade to white. Fade back in, she’s a zombie laying in the grass with no hips or legs. Good! She could’ve at least ran with her kids to insure they got to safety before she succumbed to her bite, or she could’ve blown her brains out, but no. Take me zombie hordes!

    As an aside, the actress who played Mom/Bicycle Girl was SO liberal about where she pointed that gun it was nerve-wracking, over the course of running from the front door of their house to the first car sitting in the street with her kids in tow she must have swung her arm and pointed the barrel at them at LEAST 16 times. I almost thought it they were going to make it a plot-point that she’d shoot one of them by accident, Planet Terror-style.

    • I always just assumed that zombie got her pant leg caught in the bike chain.

      • Oh my god. The bike. At one point as she’s looking at all the destruction after waking up from her car accident (because it’s required that all zombie story protagonists need to ‘wake up’ to the horror) you see her look at a(the?) bike with it registering as, “There’s a bike on the ground that I am looking at.”

        She never rides a bike, of course. She’s referred to as Bicycle Girl simply because that’s the reason Grimes came across her next to the bicycle he picks up (which is fine. If she was literally a girl on a bike who just rides into a wave of zombies and gets eaten- – - actually, that would be fine too).

  16. In the comic, Dale ended up hooking up with Andrea. Later on, Dale gets bit and infected but before he can turn he gets abducted by a small group of cannibals. He has the last laugh, revealing that as they were eating him piece-by-piece they were also now infected.

    In the tv show, he’s walking around late at night alone and a zombie gets the drop on him. Cool show, cool stories!

    • Not to mention that the group still rescues Dale from the cannibals, and he gets to say goodbye to everyone before Andrea puts him down.

      • I’m just going to say that I would not want to see a Dale/Andrea hook-up on the show. I felt like it was more of a father/daughter relationship so that would have been gross. Also a little squeamish on the cannibal storyline although it sounds pretty awesome. One of those things that I don’t have trouble reading about but wouldn’t want to really see it.

        Has anyone discussed that the actor who played Dale looks a bit like Richard Dreyfuss? And then I couldn’t stop thinking about Darrell Hammond playing Richard Dreyfuss in the Star Wars audition sketch so I couldn’t ever take him seriously? Just me?

        • In the books Andrea and her sister actively flirt with Dale so they get primo living spots on his camper while the group is on the road (which is most of the time). After Andrea’s sister dies their relationship develops, but really slowly (which in this instance, that slow pacing works fine). Dale knows he’s being used, and wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone Andrea’s age anyway. She develops feelings and I think the most you ever see is hugging and a kiss or two. But they’re also acting as adoptive parents to some kids that are in the books but not in the show, so they’re operating as this ramshackle family unit.

          Then the stuff mentioned above happens and Dale’s taken out of the picture.

        • Really? I though Dale looks like Jeffret Tambor when he was on Arrested Development.

  17. Do people who become Zombified automatically go to Heaven? Bcuz I mean if the zombie who scratched up Dale real good is in Heaven too and Dale’s there now. Does Dale have the right to be pissed at this guy if they meet?

  18. In that 15 seconds when Grimes called for Herschel after Dale was ripped apart by what is apparently the strongest and quietest zombie on the planet, I was 65% sure Herschel was going to somehow put Dale’s insides back where they were supposed to be and Dale would be puttering around the farm again in the next episode with a slight bellyache. It would not have been unprecedented.

  19. I can honestly say that I would have had no problem killing the kid with the magically healed leg. He told Carl that his hat was cool. Obviously he is a fucking liar that can not be trusted.

    I also never realized bellies were like chicken pot pies to zombies, and they could just start digging around in there to pick out the carrots. Good to know.

  20. I dont have cable, so i usually scrounge around on the internet for this show.
    At 16 min in, my stream stopped, and I had just been to 16 minutes of Carl Darl driven plot without a single Zombie. So I just said fuck it, and came here.
    I really, really hate this show for it’s brain-eating boredom (get it?), but I think i’ll keep scrounging for episodes cos these write-ups are that fuckin funny, and moreso, when you watch the show.
    So, thanks, Gabe, but also, Fuck you!

  21. *At 16 min in, my stream stopped, and I had just been subjected to 16 minutes of Carl Darl driven plot without a single Zombie.

  22. Would this show be better or worse if Carl goes all “Ender’s Game” and becomes the gang’s ruthless killing machine? It seems like the world and maybe the writers are setting him up for that. He has stared death in the face, he can steal and tote guns, he fearlessly wanders a corpse-strewn forest, and now he sees that if you give a muddy inch, a zombie will take a mile of ripping open your stomachs.

    “NO INCH. KILL EVERYONE”–Carl in a few episodes

    I will rely on Gabe to tell me if that happens because there is no way I am watching this show.

  23. Wait, so a hungry zombie is on top of Dale and tears at his flesh, but doesn’t eat it the moment he gets a handful?

    They just goddamn finished beating us over the goddamn head with “I’ll smear a tiny bit of blood here and all the goddamn zombies will come lick it because they’re all ravenously hungry they drop everything when they smell blood”

    But noooo, this zombie that has been stuck in the mud for weeks just wants to fight Dale?

    Dale’s innards are now outards! You can scoop some up and eat it! WHY DON’T YOU EAT IT YOU GODDMAN ZOMBIE

  24. Hey Darryl so you finished punching that guy a lot and so now you’re finished don’t you want to wipe his blood off your hands? No? You want to walk all the way back to the camp and have a conversation with super bloody hands? Okay whatever you say, you goddamn squirrel eater.

  25. Just by moonlight, Dale can see a cow corpse 20 feet ahead of him in grass that’s taller than the cow but he can’t see a zombie walking toward him?

    How come the zombie is silent? The nanosecond he saw Carl he lost his sh*t and went ARHHHHHHh ARHHHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHG

    But stumbling through the field he sees/smells Dale but says/grunts nothing? DAMMITALL

  26. I really hope that at the season finale we find out that the zombies were divine sent to kill the gang before they killed the rest of humanity with their lack of character depth and poor decision choices. #OperationZombieTerminator.

    Carl could travel to the next state and back before anyone notices he was missing. How are Rick and Lori planning to have another kid when they don’t know where their first one is on a hourly basis?! Maybe the baby’s the replacement Carl. Carl 2.0. Maybe she’ll be born with a little sheriff’s hat.

  27. Why have we almost never seen someone get bitten and zombified first hand? It is something I love about zombie movies but this show never shows.

    Someone mentioned Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, there are no zombies in his vision of the Apocalypse, but at least you feel dread, fear, desperation, terror, and depression. This show is supposed to be about survivors living in a nightmare but after about episode 3 it has become an aimless mess of stupid.

    I’m just watching for the recaps and in the hopes that this gang of 30 men kills them all so I don’t have to watch these same shitty characters for another season.

  28. As a child I was more afraid during that special episode of Eureeka’s Castle where there’s a monster in the woods than as an adult watching Season 2 of Walking Dead.

  29. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • “I am bisexual,so what
      offers you more”

      No, that was not Dale’s last line before Darryl shot him.

    • At first I thought this was a haiku, which would have been somewhat impressive. But alas, it seems we have just another E.E. Cummings wannabe spambot. Have pride, spambot! Reach for the stars.

  30. I never thought I could hate a fictional character as much as I hate Carl. I can’t believe that puss Zombie couldn’t hold onto him when he had a good grasp of his leg several times but then he has the strength to open up Dale like a can of Tuna (which made me lol btw). JUST HANG ONTO HIM!!! PUT US ALL OUT OF OUR MISERY! Could you imagine Lori’s face if she saw Zombie Carl? Oh wait, it would be the same stupid face she always has on.

  31. Just realized Shane stabbed a zombie in the head in the last episode, getting zombie blood all over the knife. 3 minutes later he uses the same knife to cut open his hand to get bait blood. Shane you done infected yourself sir.

    And if captured guy really knew Maggie from high school, then he would know where the f she lived and there was no need to blindfold him for the drive back to the farm. When they did arrive why didn’t she say hey yeah this guy went to my high school? Or why didn’t the guy say hey! Maggie! It’s me! And then rhyme of a bunch of teachers’ names so he could prove who he was, and then aKKKKkkk THIS F*CKING SHOW IS SO STUPIDDDDddd

  32. When I saw the cow I got EXTREMELY excited that we were gonna get to see a zombie cow. i was really mad we didn’t.

  33. Anybody else think Carl was going to walk up and shoot Randall at the end? I did.

  34. I’m kinda torn about Carl — don’t get me wrong, I hate him so much and on one-hand I want him to be eaten by someone. Doesn’t have to be a zombie, could be anyone, even that woman that I had no idea existed until she blurted out something during the debate. But on the other hand, can you imagine how horrible the show would turn out? It would just be a nonstop torrent of “you couldn’t protect Carl” nonsense.

  35. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  36. A Carl is a terrible thing to waste. Not.

    • i know it’s the (watered-down) zombie apocalypse, and that this show went from incredibly awesome to unbearably awful in less than half a season and everything, but… shouldn’t we be a little better than a bunch of haters who wish a 10 year-old would die the most excruciatingly slow and gruesome death ever? followed by the rest of the cast? with the possible exception of shane? because he’s way hotter than grimes? (i know, shane on me)

      come on, guys.

      where is your inner dale?

      *staring bug-eyed at y’all.

      • To clarify: I don’t like Carl the character, not Carl the boy actor whose name is escaping me right now and whose name is easy to search because I’m typing on a computer, but alas I’m too lazy to search for it. But tv series Carl is totally unlike the Carl in the books which is one of many reasons why this show is killing me.

        Also, my inner Dale became my outer Dale as of the end of this episode.

  37. Maybe Darabont shouldn’t have fired all those writers from season one. I think he was disappointed when it started getting all mysterious and leaving unanswered questions, like with the whispered secret in the CDC. I want it to be like season one again! All this dialogue with deep-as-a-piss-puddle characters is just not doing it for me. Now its just constant bickering back and forth in a stagnant atmosphere.

    Carl is a shithead and this episode just cemented that. Cement + Shit = Carl. If we are to believe that he had a normal southern upbringing before Z-day there is no way in hell he would talk to an adult female that way. And whats more, his dad would discipline him properly if he did. Carl would also be saying, “Yes, sir/ma’am” etc. Speaking of bad southern accents or the absence of one altogether, Ed (Carol’s wife) was the only one who had a correct accent for Georgia. Oh, and Herschel’s is good too, but I think thats just cause hes from there.

    RIP Dale

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  39. i love the show and the kid the kid is so fine

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