Hey Lady,

How are you feeling? I  hope for my own sake that I’m not the first one to break this to you, but I read something a little unflattering about you this morning. It was on my homepage, Irish Central. Now, hold on — don’t get too upset. Let me show you what I’m talking about:

The ‘Shame’ actor reportedly “played it cool” when a star-struck woman got so excited at meeting him in a London bar, she threw up on his shoes.

“He was a bit bemused by his latest encounter and brushed off the vomit and played it cool. “He used to be a barman so he’s no stranger to mopping up some sick.”

Oh girl, I know that was you who puked on his shoes. Your one moment to meet your favorite superstar Michael Fassbender, the guy you talk about nonstop, man of all your dreams. You finally get your shot, and what do you do with it? You BARF ON HIM. The stuff Seventeen Magazine‘s “Trama Ramas” are made of, except so much worse because it was with a famous person and not just a boy in your class. I want to tell you, though, that I know how you feel. I also get very nervous when I have to meet important people. In fact, every time I do I tell everyone I know that I’m going to barf on that person. “I’m meeting [so and so] tonight and I’m going to barf on them,” is what I say. Truth be told, though, I’ve never actually barfed on anyone. Thank god. Hahahaha, oh my god, that would be THE WORST. I honestly can’t think of anything worse than barfing on someone, let alone barfing on someone that you’re a fan of. That is so gross! Was that the worst moment of your life? If that wasn’t the worst moment of your life I’m super sorry about your life, because your life sounds terrible. Hahahahahahaha. Ahhh, you barfed on Michael Fassbender!!! Oh man. You must be so embarrassed.

Your friend,

Kelly (Via ONTD.)

Comments (63)
  1. “Oh the SHAME!” – that lady, probably

    • OK, so now that I’ve gotten my bad Michael Fassbender joke-of-the-day out of the way, I want to say I just watched X-Men: First Class Saved By The Bell or whatever, and duh-doy, “Fassy” as he is called in some circles (haha circles?), was delicious and yummy and is now in my Top 5. My Top 5? Oh, well it’s obviously:

      1. Michael Fassbender
      2. Ryan Gosling
      3. Jon Hamm
      4.
      5. Mark Ruffalo?

      Hey, you guys wanted to know and there it is. YOU’RE WELCOME.

    • MORE CAKEORDEATH!

  2. Ugh, this is why we can’t have nice things. There’s always someone just waiting to throw up on them.

  3. It’s not like she’s the first person to puke on a bender.

  4. If only she had more iron in her diet, he would have been able to steer it away from himself.

  5. Inglourious Barfster.

  6. It’s no Oscar, but it’s close.

  7. Hey Lady, you know how I stay unembarrassed? I don’t barf on Michael Fassbender. You should try it sometime.

  8. Michael FassBARFder. AMIRITE??

  9. You should have seen what she did to the Blarney Stone.

  10. If mrak Wahlberg had been in Shame it wouldn’t have gone down like that.

  11. True Story: I almost fainted when I met Ricky Martin. I went in for a CD signing and I got up to him and I was fine. Then he said “hi”. I said “fine”. He smiled at me and I said my name and that’s all I could say. I was swaying when I left and I sat down outside the record store. I was like 30 when this happened. A 30 year old gay male almost fainting because of Ricky Martin. I almost wanted to die of shame. I was absolutely fine and not at all phased until I had to talk to him. So I get this lady – a lot. Hot men do crazy shit to your head and your stomach.

    • When I met Jason Dohring (Logan from Veronica Mars) I just stood there while he tried to smile and ask my name. And then I said, “I literally can’t stop staring at you.” It’s not fainting or puking, but I can see how these (incredibly mortifying) things can happen.

      • It’s an odd sensation because I don’t think of myself as star struck. I see celebs on the street all the time, but something about Ricky Martin maybe?

    • I “met” the sassy gay friend at a comedy club in LA and just shouted “SASSY GAY FRIEND” and then ran away, hyperventilating my way to the nearest grocery store. I feel you.

    • True story: when my mom decided to start dating again, I made her a list of celebrities she should date to use as a guide. Top 3 were Eric Clapton, Danny Glover, and Donald Sutherland. About a week later she was in the Gaspe peninsula and snuck onto a private beach to take sunrise pictures and this guy came out of his beach house and said good morning to her and it was Donald Sutherland! He asked if she’d like a coffee and she said “You’re Donald Sutherland!” and he smiled and she took off at full sprint. He was so close to being my step dad. Celebrities do strange things to people.

  12. stories like this make me glad i’m neither famous, talented, or incredibly beautiful.
    :)
    :(
    :)
    :(
    :) ?

  13. “He’s used to cleaning up some sick”. Christ the British even make vomit sound sophisticated.

  14. I am a woman who lives in London who is a huge fan of Michael Fassbender. I’ll let you draw you own conclusions.

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