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Hey Lady,
How are you feeling? I hope for my own sake that I’m not the first one to break this to you, but I read something a little unflattering about you this morning. It was on my homepage, Irish Central. Now, hold on — don’t get too upset. Let me show you what I’m talking about:
The ‘Shame’ actor reportedly “played it cool” when a star-struck woman got so excited at meeting him in a London bar, she threw up on his shoes.
“He was a bit bemused by his latest encounter and brushed off the vomit and played it cool. “He used to be a barman so he’s no stranger to mopping up some sick.”
Oh girl, I know that was you who puked on his shoes. Your one moment to meet your favorite superstar Michael Fassbender, the guy you talk about nonstop, man of all your dreams. You finally get your shot, and what do you do with it? You BARF ON HIM. The stuff Seventeen Magazine‘s “Trama Ramas” are made of, except so much worse because it was with a famous person and not just a boy in your class. I want to tell you, though, that I know how you feel. I also get very nervous when I have to meet important people. In fact, every time I do I tell everyone I know that I’m going to barf on that person. “I’m meeting [so and so] tonight and I’m going to barf on them,” is what I say. Truth be told, though, I’ve never actually barfed on anyone. Thank god. Hahahaha, oh my god, that would be THE WORST. I honestly can’t think of anything worse than barfing on someone, let alone barfing on someone that you’re a fan of. That is so gross! Was that the worst moment of your life? If that wasn’t the worst moment of your life I’m super sorry about your life, because your life sounds terrible. Hahahahahahaha. Ahhh, you barfed on Michael Fassbender!!! Oh man. You must be so embarrassed.
Your friend,
Kelly (Via ONTD.)
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“Oh the SHAME!” – that lady, probably
OK, so now that I’ve gotten my bad Michael Fassbender joke-of-the-day out of the way, I want to say I just watched X-Men: First Class Saved By The Bell or whatever, and duh-doy, “Fassy” as he is called in some circles (haha circles?), was delicious and yummy and is now in my Top 5. My Top 5? Oh, well it’s obviously:
1. Michael Fassbender
2. Ryan Gosling
3. Jon Hamm
4.
5. Mark Ruffalo?
Hey, you guys wanted to know and there it is. YOU’RE WELCOME.
James Franco is your Number 4?!
Hahah. He used to be! But now I leave it open for a token black/ethnic actor, probably, just in case I run for congressgum.
Idris Elba!
I am contractually obligated to comment here in defense of James McAvoy’s adorableness. James McAvoy, I want to keep you in my pocket in the least creepy way possible, unless you like creepy. I can do that. I’m a giver.
Mmm… McAvoy from Atonement and also Last King of Scotland. Yes, yes I approve.
My mom once told me “you should never be sexually attracted to anything you keep in your pocket.” I try to live my live by that philosophy.
she obviously never owned an iphone
You forgot Jay Mohr.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
To be fair, I think that statement applies to everyone post 1997.
Because of Picture Perfect, right?
I met a dude who looks like Jay Mohr, and even he didn’t know who Jay Mohr is! I mean, you would think that being the doppelganger of someone who used to be sort-of famous, he would have heard that once or twice before. And it’s not just me! As soon as the guy left the room, I turned to my friend and said “You know who Jay Mohr is, right?” To which he replied: “Yeah, that guy looks just like him.”
Come on, Jay Mohr doppelganger, get your shit together!
TRUE STORY: A couple years ago I was in Hermes with my mom so she could exchange a gift from her boss. After wandering around the store for 10 minutes, I saw my mom carrying a baby shih-tzu around and I was like, “Mom, WTF? Where’d you get that dog?” and she pointed at some guy and said he let her hold it. I looked over and it was Jay Mohr, and he was on his phone and talking to the salesperson at the same time. I rolled my eyes and went back over to look at the $1,000,000,000 wallets until he was gone and I could beg my mom to leave.
The point is, faceLIAR (never forget), you hit a little too close to home.
Was he on SNL? Serious question. I was gonna make a joke, and that joke (which turned into a human) needed to know why he originally got famous (-ish?) to survive, and it couldn’t figure that out so then the joke called Jack Kevorkian and died.
So seriously, why is he famous?
Jean DuJardin – but this list is pretty on spot for me.
It’s a really good list.
This is a great, solid list. I wasn’t into Ruffalo until The Kids Are All Right for some reason, but all of a sudden, I understand the Ruffalo Allure.
I’d swap Ruffalo with Ewan McGregor — who won me back after I saw Beginners.
I’d also like to add Clive Owen and Julian McMahon to that list.
MORE CAKEORDEATH!
Ugh, this is why we can’t have nice things. There’s always someone just waiting to throw up on them.
It’s not like she’s the first person to puke on a bender.
Also, on the plus side, Michael Fassbender will probably not bring this up every time you hear him talk, unlike some friends do to other friends YEArS after said friend accidentally pukes on their shoes. You know who you are. Hint: Not Michael Fassbender, that’s for sure.
He’s a good guy for not making such a fass out of it.
Oh, this is where the Michael Fassbender .gif party is? Yay!
I would not post it here because I am a Lady, but there is a VERY NSFW gif of Fassbender in the comments section of the ONTD post, in case anyone was curious about what people talk about when they talk about Shame.
Oh my God KW they lightened it and slowed it down! KW!!!! This is the best day of my life.
If you two are talking about what I think you’re talking about… you better keep talking about it.
Drinking beer out of his major award. This is the stuff imaginary boyfriends are made of… *swoon*
And I hate smoking!
If only she had more iron in her diet, he would have been able to steer it away from himself.
Inglourious Barfster.
It’s no Oscar, but it’s close.
Hey Lady, you know how I stay unembarrassed? I don’t barf on Michael Fassbender. You should try it sometime.
You know who else didn’t barf on Michael Fassbender?
Let’s face it, it’s very hard to get through a day unembarassed
Hey! That poor girl was on Ellen today, and they gave her a vacation to some nice resort.
Kewl! That’s awesome and awfully nice!
Michael FassBARFder. AMIRITE??
GUYS???
You should have seen what she did to the Blarney Stone.
If mrak Wahlberg had been in Shame it wouldn’t have gone down like that.
Sorry. Both for my typo and this awful joke.
I like mrak better.
Mracky Mrak?
Come on fleel the vribation!
and the Fnuky Bnuch?
True Story: I almost fainted when I met Ricky Martin. I went in for a CD signing and I got up to him and I was fine. Then he said “hi”. I said “fine”. He smiled at me and I said my name and that’s all I could say. I was swaying when I left and I sat down outside the record store. I was like 30 when this happened. A 30 year old gay male almost fainting because of Ricky Martin. I almost wanted to die of shame. I was absolutely fine and not at all phased until I had to talk to him. So I get this lady – a lot. Hot men do crazy shit to your head and your stomach.
When I met Jason Dohring (Logan from Veronica Mars) I just stood there while he tried to smile and ask my name. And then I said, “I literally can’t stop staring at you.” It’s not fainting or puking, but I can see how these (incredibly mortifying) things can happen.
It’s an odd sensation because I don’t think of myself as star struck. I see celebs on the street all the time, but something about Ricky Martin maybe?
I “met” the sassy gay friend at a comedy club in LA and just shouted “SASSY GAY FRIEND” and then ran away, hyperventilating my way to the nearest grocery store. I feel you.
True story: when my mom decided to start dating again, I made her a list of celebrities she should date to use as a guide. Top 3 were Eric Clapton, Danny Glover, and Donald Sutherland. About a week later she was in the Gaspe peninsula and snuck onto a private beach to take sunrise pictures and this guy came out of his beach house and said good morning to her and it was Donald Sutherland! He asked if she’d like a coffee and she said “You’re Donald Sutherland!” and he smiled and she took off at full sprint. He was so close to being my step dad. Celebrities do strange things to people.
Hysterical. I love all these running away stories.
Me too! More!
stories like this make me glad i’m neither famous, talented, or incredibly beautiful.
?
“He’s used to cleaning up some sick”. Christ the British even make vomit sound sophisticated.
God dammit he aint British.
The person who said it was!… maybe? of the legitimately anglo persuasion?
Stop colonising my pants.
I am a woman who lives in London who is a huge fan of Michael Fassbender. I’ll let you draw you own conclusions.
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