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I have never walked out of a movie.
This fact has as much to do with my selectivity in choosing what I’m willing to spend actual money on as it does my willingness to sit through bad movies, but it should be noted that my willingness to sit through bad movies can be described as VERY WILLING. But this week’s nominee, Across the Universe, represents a first in The Hunt. Unlike Kangaroo Jack, or Powder, or Battlefield Earth, bad as they were, had I seen this movie in the theater, I would not have seen this movie in the theater, if you know what I am saying. What I am saying is that I would have walked out of the theater. I just want to make sure there isn’t any confusion. INNUENDOS ARE HARD! (That’s what she said?)
Across the Universe is a musical set in the late 60s about a guy named Jude (UGH) who travels to the United States to find his father. There, he makes friends with a guy named Max and they move to New York where they rent rooms in an apartment from a woman named Sadie. Jude falls in love with Max’s sister LUCY (UGH). He has another roommate named Prudence (UGH). Then Max gets sent to Vietnam and Jude and Lucy break up because Lucy is spending too much time with the student radicals. Jude gets deported but then Jude comes back, because of how deported people are always allowed to just come back if they love someone so much, and he gets back together with Lucy by singing from a rooftop with the police’s permission. You know, because of The Beatles.
Perhaps the most glaring problem with this movie is that it’s supposed to be a celebration of and tribute to The Beatles, but has absolutely nothing to do with them. The plot is cobbled together by playing Mad Libs with the Wikipedia song list, and like Mad Libs is just as nonsensical.
Get it? FRIENDS? It only gets worse as the movie goes on, so that by the time they shoehorn in “Strawberry Fields Forever,” Jude is LITERALLY JUST PAINTING STRAWBERRIES, AS A PLOT POINT.
And all of the songs are sung by the actors, which is about as far from a celebration of someone’s music as you can get. Maybe I’m alone on this, but I’m of the opinion that you do not honor someone’s musical legacy by putting it in the hands (and mouth) of Evan Rachel Wood. John Lennon’s ashes are shifting in their urn.
To be fair, at a certain point you just accept the movie on its own terms and stop screaming at the screen. But then what are you left with? The thing about musicals is that they’re already threadbare in the logical narrative department even when they’re not cobbled together hackneyed jokes that some dude came up with over a dime bag of ragweed and a crate of records. It is absolutely impossible to be invested in or care about any of these characters because their interactions are all pun-based plays on song titles. At a certain point you just want them to “Love Love Me Do.” (Just kidding, you want them to “Drop Dead.”)
The whole thing reminds me of the Douglas Coupland book Girl in a Coma, in which he would begin sentences with shit like “Hand in glove, she steered the car through the snow.” Yikes. That’s pretty bad, but now imagine it at 24 yikes per second. With Evan Rachel Wood singing.
Because of this movie, and in an effort to preserve my optimistic nature (I see the Gigli as half-full. Huh?) I am creating a new rule: No More Musicals. And let’s just agree that this is the Worst Musical of All Time because of how it is.
Next week: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.
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This may be the eight year old boy in me saying this, but that GIF you have of Evan Rachel Wood makes it look like she’s saying “I pooed,” but with extra emphasis on the “I.” SWEET!
Worst movie ever: Tie between “Ultraviolet” and “Torque”
If you wanted to get a bad romantic comedy you would do better with ‘What Happens in Vegas’ because that was terrible! You also could do better with ’27 Dresses’ because James Marsden and Katherine Heigel had no chemistry. I will still keep saying ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.’ I guess those spoof movies don’t qualify because they’re ‘supposed to be bad?’
I liked it. I thought all of the actors sang well. The movie kind of generally covers the 60s but so what.
“the women.” just watched it yesterday. it was frustratingly stupid. i mean, three minutes into it i was screaming at the television, and 50 minutes after that, i had to restrain myself from throwing my chair at the screen. definitely a contender for worst movie ever.
Alexa, I felt like that after the commercials. You PAID to see it???
Oh God.
I had to see this pile of shit against my will one day, being dragged out of the house with my Mom and Aunt. I knew this would be crap from the start. I was more inclined to read The Great Gatsby than go with them. That is how low my expectations were and this this still managed to be worse. I was restless throughout, spending most of my time in the bathrooms and the vending machines outside the screening room. They both said I “ruined” the movie with my restlessness and complaining, but I say it was ruined before I stepped in.
Stupid load of crap.
this was the WORST movie, I’ve EVER seen.
suggestions: the beach, patch adams, the adventures of ford fairlane, good will hunting
And p.s. LAWNMOWER MAN.
When will people realize that the only person that is allowed to make musicals anymore is Joss Whedon? Apparently he’s the only goddamn person who knows how to mix character development with music, so let’s all just agree that he’s the only one who should even try for musicals anymore.
Yeah, if only Gabe understood the puppetry of Across the Universe, I’m sure it wouldn’t have sucked quite as many balls.
I can’t imagine someone not liking this movie. and the fact that you say it has “nothing to do with the beatles” just shows how much you know about them. The story alone was a progression of music identical to the progression of the beatles from ’64 to ’70. and the covers were actually sung well. soooo I don’t know what crawled up your butt and died, but really…..poor form for choosing this movie as a candidate for “TWMOAT”.
Thank you, Gabe! I’d never walked out of a movie myself until Across the Universe. And even though I only gave it fifteen minutes – leaving just after the scene you included above – it is fifteen minutes I’ll never get back. I feel sick about that. The movie is beyond ridiculous. It reduces the 60s to a series of poses: emo wanker “rebels,” emo wanker longs for freewheeling “hippie,” emo wanker “protests.” It’s the musical equivalent of a Che t-shirt, which is why it was beloved by teenage wankers and over-the-hill Baby Boomers everywhere, the former because they don’t know better, and the latter because they do. Can’t wait to see Taymor’s next film, a musical about The Stones called Across my Crotch.
The book is Girlfriend in a Coma, no?
wait are we talkin about the same movie? because across the universe is AWESOME.
Oh, God. I hated this movie so much. I definitely consider this one of the worst movies of all time. It is difficult to capture a good musical on film and this is an example of an awful idea for a movie musical executed even more awfully. MOVIE MUSICAL FAIL. Also, BEATLES TRIBUTE FAIL.
thank god someone else agrees…this is just stupid. what a horrible “tribute” to the beatles.
I wanted to like this movie so badly that I actually kinda do.
So the plot wasn’t the greatest, but I think the whole point was the art. It takes a whole different imagination to come up with those visuals. That part I deeply appreciated. Their takes on the songs were not that bad. They could never be better than the original of course. It was a different spin to the songs. Everybody seems so heated up by this film. I’m not a fan of Evan Rachel Wood but whatever. If you allow her to affect you that badly then man do I pity you.
A rule of no more musicals? Insanity. You leave me speechless.
Honestly, I think you are all crazy. That movie was pretty amazing.
…and one of the best musicals I’ve ever seen.
You’re all so busy being “cooler than thou” that you miss it. Wake up.
too many people liked it for it to be the worst movie of all time. I’m not saying that i’m one of them but I think that should be a general rule in this.
actually really liked it. i know some people hated it. but i think for a movie to be on this list the majority of the world should hate it, i don’t think thats the case here.
It’s not a tribute to the beatles, get past that, and the movie is great. Open your eyes and listen to the music for the first time.
Our opinions of the bad are very similar. I’m here to tell you that I did have the misfortune of seeing this in the theater and walked out after about 20-25 minutes if that helps prove your hypothesis.
I’ve just read the review and all of these comments, and nobody has mentioned the movie “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” the one from the 70′s, with the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton. Am I the only one who ever saw that movie? It’s the exact same concept – throwing a movie plot together based on Beatles songs. It also has characters named Lucy, Strawberry Fields, Billy Shears, etc. So “Across the Universe” is not even original. P.S. I haven’t bothered seeing it because I love the Beatles too much to see TWO terrible Beatles movies.
i liked it. besides it was never said that it was going to be a beatles ‘tribute’ movie. they just happened to use the songs. also, if they didn’t name them obvious names (jude, lucy etc.) it would have been lame. oh wait. i hated sadie.
Cripes… There are movies starring car races, possesed step-moms, super-human babies, and the never ending parody movies that come out every other week that deserve to be on this list far more than this movie. At least Across the Universe tried to do something different and unique, and no it is not a traditional movie or plot, which may be what confused some people. Different does tend to throw some people off.
i disagree with this completely. especially they part about how its not a tribute at all. that is not true, at all. The movie, isn’t about the beatles music, its about them, and what was going on during the time of they’re music and when they were famous. For instance, with all the trippy parts, especially with strawberry fields, its becuase they were on drugs, its what they were going through. and with the statue of liberty, its huge symbolism of how the united states drafted people was doing more harm for us then it was doing good for the war, not to mention that was one war that put a serious dent in our population.
I can’t believe Evan rachel Wood posted here so many times.
i think this is the worst movie out of them so far
For the record John’s ashes aren’t in an urn but whatever, I completely share this opinion and wish this movie died a dreadful death. The sad part is, I go to art school and almost everyone here likes the movie….freaking hipsters…won’t know a Wings song from a Plastic Ono Band song…
you missed a couple of UGHS.
Max’s name is taken from “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”
and Sadie’s is taken from “Sexy Sadie”
wow…so am I to take your complete and utter lack of understanding of the principles of the film and failure to notice acting talent when you see it as a respectable review? My boyfriend is one of the biggest Beatles fans I have ever met, and he said the covers were “very very good”. He NEVER says a cover is good. Some of the living Beatles themselves spoke very highly of the film. The story was a very touching story of the struggles of the Vietnam era! “Strawberry Fields Forever” paired with Jude’s artwork was a way of expressing America’s willingness to ignore the bloodshed in the war!!! This movie was moving, and beautiful, not only with the artwork, but the music and cinematography as well. Not only was this not the worst movie of all time, it is probably one of the best. So I am forced to wonder what your idea of a good movie is. Batman & Robin? Scary Movie? White Chicks? I mean if you cannot understand and appreciate an amazing and moving film such as Across the Universe, I don’t believe I would ever be able to trust your opinion on movies. I am a film student, and this film should be an example to all film enthusiasts. This is what we should strive for; movies that mean something, not shit like Miss March, and the other dribble that is being called a movie nowadays.
BEST MOVIE EVER!!!…You people clearly aren’t open minded enough to really understand whats going on. And those of you who are beatles fans SHOULD love this movie because thats what the movie is about. Do you even listen to the beatles lyrics??? Get back to me once you do. Great actors great story…Fantastic movie! Thanks.
I was dragged to this movie by two of my friends. I KNEW it was going to be terrible, so i told them the only way i would go is if i was allowed to drink while i watched. if i wasnt drunk and had a means of getting home i would have walked out. 10 minutes into this movie i was ready to start throwing shit. i just resorted to making snarky comments the whole time, particularly when BONO emerged.
Wow. Other people hate these beloved movies too! I thought it was a personal character flaw or something. Except for…….Across the Universe. I really loved it. Especially the army recruitment center scene . It was visually amazing when Uncle Sam sings “I Want You So Bad it’s driving me mad”…Beatles music is still inspiring new generations. But I agree with you on all the other movies on your list…Pay It Forward, blechhhhh!
I know others have already said this, but the “no musicals” rule should be temporarily suspended for Repo! The Genetic Opera. My other suggestion is Grand Theft Parsons, which is the only movie I can remember having thought, “that was the worst movie I have ever seen,” after I’d watched it.
I turned this movie off right after the Statue-of-Liberty-carrying Vietnam scene and have not been able to watch the rest of it. I think the fact that there was an entire episode of Oprah about it really drives home just what an epic failure we’re dealing with here.
Do you make a living just bashing movies Gabe? If so, I don’t think you are doing a very good job at it. I am not persuaded at all by your crappy points about how this movie sucks. In fact, I still like this movie. Very much. If you want to bash a movie try Scarface. Now that will get a reaction and there are actual bashing points against, like the fact that all guys are obsessed with men who sell drugs, get rich quick and die grotesquely. Also, they die at a very young age, just sayin’. Ha.
Gabe, If you consider yourself a serious movie critic may I recommend a career change. You have the artistic insight of a 17 year old boy. Across the Universe is an artistic movie that you have to actually think about.(Oh My God!!! THINK!!!) How terrible it must be to have to watch a movie that is not a mindless stream of explosions and bouncing tits. I would recommend that at this point if you haven’t already you stop trying to be a movie critic. Maybe go back to college. Get a degree in something that does not require any artistic vision or any sort of imagination. Be an accountant or something.