The magic and excitement of last night’s Academy Awards has barely faded, and yet already it is time to talk about this year’s Razzie nominations. LOL. Purrrfect. Here’s a thought: can we give all the Razzies TO last night’s Academy Awards? I know it’s kind of pointless and repetitive to complain about the Academy Awards for being a dull and lifeless ceremony dedicated to preening self-congratulation, not to mention the fact that Kelly already did so, but you know what else is pointless and repetitive: the Razzies. LET’S CALL IT A WASH. (Kelly has also already pointed out how good Zach & Will with their cymbals and also the Christopher Guest “focus group” bit were and I do think it’s worth pointing out that contrary to what she said, those things did make a difference because can you imagine the show without them, and yet nevertheless: OOF. I’m not saying it was better last year when James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosted, but I am reminding you that they did that, and how crazy it is that this year didn’t seem that much better actually. Even with all the extra BLACK FACE!)

So, the Razzies. What a great opportunity to complain some more! As someone who has made whining into a cottage industry, you would think I’d be more excited about the Razzies. “Finally, my kind of awards” is what you’d think you’d hear me say. But I don’t like them, actually. It’s supposed to be silly and fun and an elbow to the ribs, but I don’t think it’s any of those things. People still worked hard on all of these movies and wanted them to be good, and it’s fine to laugh about how they turned out, but to simply dismiss all that work with a condescending fake award? Blech. Leave me out of it. Go read a book. This one is good. So is this one.

But whatever. Razzie nominations. Sure. Got it. Here you go:

Worst Picture
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Jack & Jill
New Year’s Eve
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Worst Actor
Russell Brand, Arthur
Nicolas Cage, Drive Angry 3-D, Season Of The Witch, and Trespass
Taylor Lautner, Abduction and Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I
Adam Sandler, Jack & Jill and Just Go With It
Nick Swardson, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star

Worst Actress

Martin Lawrence (As ‘Momma’), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Sarah Palin (As ‘Herself’), Sarah Palin: The Undefeated
Sarah Jessica Parker, I Don’t Know How She Does It and New Year’s Eve
Adam Sandler (As ‘Jill’), Jack & Jill
Kristen Stewart, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I

Worst Supporting Actress

Katie Holmes, Jack & Jill
Brandon T. Jackson (As “Charmaine”), Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Nicole Kidman, Just Go With It
David Spade (As “Monica”), Jack & Jill
The Underwear Model (Aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Worst Supporting Actor
Patrick Dempsey, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
James Franco, Your Highness
Ken Jeong, Big Momma’s #3, Hangover Part 2, Transformers #3 and Zookeeper
Al Pacino (As ‘Al Pacino’), Jack & Jill
Nick Swardson, Jack & Jill and Just Go With It

Worst Screen Ensemble
The Entire Cast of Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
The Entire Cast of Jack & Jill
The Entire Cast of New Year’s Eve
The Entire Cast of Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
The Entire Cast of Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I

Worst Director
Michael Bay, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon
Tom Brady, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Bill Condon, Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I
Dennis Dugan, Jack & Jill and Just Go With It
Garry Marshall, New Year’s Eve

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
Arthur
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star

The Hangover Part 2
Jack & Jill
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I

Worst Screen Couple
Nicolas Cage & Anyone Sharing the Screen with Him in Any of His Three 2011 Movie
Shia Lebeouf & The Underwear Model (Aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), Transformers #3
Adam Sandler & EITHER Jennifer Aniston OR Brooklyn Decker, Just Go With It
Adam Sandler & EITHER Katies Holmes, Al Pacino OR Adam Sandler, Jack & Jill
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Taylor Lautner OR Robert Pattinson, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part I

Worst Screenplay
Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, Written by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert and Nick Swardson
Jack & Jill, Screenplay by Steve Koren & Adam Sandler, Story by Ben Zook
New Year’s Eve, Written by Katherine Fugate
Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Written by Ehren Kruger
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I, Screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, from the novel by Stephenie Meyer

Ewww! All these movies stink! LOLOLOL! Booooooo! (Via DailyMail.)

Comments (31)
  1. Atlas Shrugged was totally snubbed! But really… the supposedly good movies were pretty mediocre last year, but when it comes to making terrible movies 2011 was one of the best years on record.

  2. Adam Sandler had a record 11 nominations.

  3. I like how so many of the worst actresses are men

  4. My thing with the Razzies is how lazy they are. I could see a really sharp award show satirizing the movie business in general and self-important, “meaningful” movies in particular, being sort of timely and smart, but these guys go for such low-hanging fruit that the whole thing is insulting to film criticism in general. Like, it doesn’t make any sense to nominate Sarah Palin for a Razzie in a documentary. And no matter how much we hate Twilight, blaming any of it on bad acting from Kristen Stewart is firing in the total wrong direction. Come on, Razzies. Take a few notes from the Oscars and have an over-inflated sense of pride in what you do.

    • The Razzies lost any purpose when stars began showing up to collect their “awards.” At that point a post-modern attempt to satirize the Oscars & awards shows in general just needed to pack up shop and call it a day.

  5. Twilight deserves everything for the sheer skill it takes to stare at people for half a movie.

    As am I, Taylor Lautner, as am I.

  6. Here are my thoughts on the Razzies just to build on Gabe’s point that people work hard on these things and it sucks to celebrate the failures of individuals: The Razzies should be awarded to Producers only.

    You know, we have literally no idea what goes on over the course of the production. A million things can go wrong. Actors and actresses may be responsible for their lousy performances, but the reality is that sometimes you match the right director with Nic Cage and you get magic, and sometimes you get the polar opposite of magic. Sometimes you hired the correct editor and sometimes someone decides to leave in a scene that in no way relates to the story, and sticks out like a sore thumb. Things happen.

    But Producers…producers are the ones responsible for most of the mess. Adam Sandler’s acting and script may have been partly to blame for the lousy garbage result. But in the end, it’s Adam Sandler: Producer who decided this movie should be made, and then continuously decided that everything was going okay, and then in the end decided it was good enough to distribute.

    Every garbage remake, every ridiculous book adaptation, every nonsense superhero movie, every Comedian dressing up as a lady vehicle…the producer’s fault it got made in the first place, the producer’s fault they weren’t involved enough with the process to see where things might have been going wrong, and in the end decided “Okay guys. I’m 90% sure this is good enough to NOT distribute straight to video.

  7. Write in Ballot for Worst Actress: Meryl Streep looking surprised when she wins awards in real life.

  8. Early 2013 Razzie nominee right here. Saw it over the weekend, word is going to get out on this piece of shit.

  9. OH MY GOD GABE WE GET IT YOU READ BOOKS!

  10. I was thinking about renting Jack & Jill tonight. Have you guys heard if it’s any good or not?

  11. Ugh, “Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son” was HBO’s new movie on Saturday. HBO’s movies have been so awful lately, they must be taking ideas from this list.

  12. I honestly don’t get half of the decisions HBO makes, i.e. cancelling Bored to Death, making HBO go available only to those who subscribe to HBO on cable. HBO, I want you to take my money, I want evidence that proves Coach Taylor is better at molding young men than “Ned” Stark.

  13. *Sigh.* I can’t believe that I’m going to defend Twilight, but simply picking on “Breaking Dawn” because it’s part of the Twilight series is weak. Hollywood produces plenty of lazy comedies featuring men in drag, but how often do they produce a blockbuster hit where the grand emotional climax features a vampire eating a baby out of the womb of a pregnant woman? Give the director some points for creating an adaptation that was as batshit crazy as the source material.

  14. “The Underwear Model (Aka Rosie Huntington-Whiteley)” bugs me a lot.

    Okay, so maybe she is terrible in a terrible movie (I guess? I don’t know, I didn’t see it because I am abiding by my Michael Bay boycott because of *everything about him* and particularly his response to Megan Fox’s nascent feminism). But also, everybody on this list is on this list because they were terrible in a terrible movie or something, so. MY POINT IS, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is definitely still a person with a name, just like all those other people with names that you addressed by name, Razzies. Ugh to your extra negation. Ugh to your hilarious joke.

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