Now look. We’re all adults here. So we all recognize that in the real world, THINGS HAPPEN. And as far as a recap of this week’s Top Chef pre-season finale-finale is concerned, SOMETHING HAPPENED. Let it go. Drop it. I don’t understand why you can’t just let it go. I like to think that this is why the producers of Top Chef have dragged this season out for so long, though. Everyone’s allowed to skip one episode. Lord knows, they are all superfluous and boring and apparently this show sucks now. Oh well! It was a nice ride while it lasted (nine years). In any case, cook cook cook, episodes episodes episodes. Want to talk about last night’s pre-season finale-finale? How exciting was that? Remember when the one thing happened and then the other thing happened? Crazy. To be honest, you guys never seem to have much to say even when there IS a full recap, but maybe this week will be different. Maybe this will be one of those weeks where if Tom Colicchio was a blogger he would write, “You guys gave us some of the best comments we’ve seen all season.” And Charlize Theron would be like, “Mirror MIrror is in theaters March 30th.

Comments (34)
  1. When the one guy was cooking and he didn’t think he would be able to finish the thing he was doing but then he did and then it was never referred to again, I was all oh my god what have I done with my life I was going to try to be a writer.

  2. I heard everybody accidentally chopped their fingers off when they were dicing up vegetables with their chef knives. On cutting boards!

  3. I can’t even read this re-cap because I didn’t watch last night because I was too busy starting Downton Abbey Season 2! So thank you, Videogum, for being the source of all my television obsessions, from the best of shows to the worst of shows. (I think Charles Dickens said that.)

  4. My favorite parts were:

    1. When Sarah made a few more bitchy comments about Beverly. And also about hating asians.
    2. When Tom just wouldn’t shut up about arugula.
    3. When Sarah’s face finally froze into that look of child beauty pageant fake surprise.
    4. When they brought back everyone from “on the bubble kitchen” to re-compete in all of the challenges to decide who would be the sous chefs for the finale.

  5. The quickfire challenge where everybody had to eat a laser was pretty bizarre.

  6. Apparently working for Real Estate’s street team is more important than writing Top Chef recaps for us, I guess. Thanks for nothing, Gabe.

  7. Here you go: The Top Chef producers saved some more cash and made Paul drive himself, Sarah, and Lindsay from Whistler down to Vancouver. They played some weird name game in the car that I couldn’t follow. Something about Q-tips?

    Quickfire: cook some Asian food with one of these three Master Top Chefs (whatever their names were). Ah, the twist is your master chef starts the cooking and you can’t communicate when you switch off. Paul: giant scallop something, too much Thai chili; Lindsay: scallops three ways, too much sauce, Sarah: cod something, delicious!

    Elimination round: Fire and Ice. Lindsay worries it’s too open to interpretation? She decides to cook halibut, but this time Bev won’t be there to screw it up. Right. Sarah is making pasta for days and frozen mousse sauce. Major carnage as Paul pulls the claws off live lobsters and then splits them. Ick! Cook, cook, cook, freeze, freeze, freeze.

    Padma psyches Sarah out by calling her name first, only to disappoint us all by allowing Sarah to stay. Paul and Lindsay sweat it out. “Lindsay, please pack your knives and go.”

    • Also, Sarah won $20K in the quickfire and Paul won . . . a trip for two to Costa Rica?! for winning the elimination challenge.

    • I liked when Padma explained, “One thing in your dish needs to be HOT and the other thing needs to be COLD.” and then Lindz was all, “ZOMG! This challenge is so open to interpretation! What is cold, really? Is it a state of being or a mindset? Is it cool dew on the morning grass?” and then I died.

    • Thanks for the recap! I can’t wait to watch this episode next week (I can wait, but seriously, thanks). Go Face Off on Sy Fy!

  8. Why did Lindsey keep saying that she wouldn’t know what to do with her life after Top Chef?

    Really Lindsey? Your life is over after this ridiculous garbage circus FINALLY comes to an end?

    Perhaps she should take a vacation to Senor Frogs to come back to reality.

  9. I think Tom is secretly rooting for Paul to win (duh cause he’s the best!). He came in and grilled him about not winning a challenge yet and then scorned him like a disappointed dad over the arugula. He clearly wants Paul to do better! I’m glad Paul won tonight, because hasn’t he seemed a little more friendly instead of the quiet focus he had all season and slightly off his game ever since he got to Canada?

  10. Spoiler Alert: Lindsay went home for wearing terrible earrings. Padma looked amazing in a black leather tank top. Sarah is still the worst. Tom is popping Vicodin to get through this season. Paul is going to win or no one will watch this show ever again.

  11. The remaining chef’s families must be super annoyed that they still have to watch this now terrible show.

  12. Just so long as your safe Gabe.

  13. I told my husband that I wouldn’t watch the final episode if they sent Paul home. I think we were both a little disappointed that Paul stayed– even though we’re clearly rooting for him.

    Also, Sarah saying that she knew that it would always be her and Paul in the finale was such utter bullshit. Gah!

  14. Gabe, I feel your pain. As I’m sure you’ve noticed (you haven’t noticed, I’m sure) I haven’t commented for MONTHS, but I logged in especially for you AND this marvelous, marvelous thread. I didn’t watch last night’s episode either, as I was watching Face Off on Sy Fy (it is an excellent program). I do intend to watch this episode next week in the 8 pm CST time slot as I have been since I started watching this season of Face Off. I HAVE been reading Gabe’s recaps every Thursday afternoon, and although I’m not sure what is to be gained by my commenting, I sure want to let Gabe know that his efforts are not going unnoticed.

  15. Hi Gabe! Hi Monsters!
    I’m a huge, huge, huge, fan of your Top Chef recaps and came out from delurking to tell you. I even created an account to show my support for Gabe’s Top Chef recaps. I read all of them even when I didn’t watch the show. I felt your pain, frustration and despair. I also thought the season was over this week and was truly disappointed that there’s another week to go. Not sure I’ll watch the show or Bravo again. {{{head thump}}} But wait, I have to now. I have an account.

    Basically, what it all boils down to is this….it’s not about the food, or winning Top Chef. Who cares about that? I have Paul in the finale. I had Bev til she got eliminated – twice. And now I could win YARN. There’s a lot at stake here. Can’t wait for next week’s recap…whatever you decide to write.

    ps. The Monsters are HIGH-larious.

  16. They should have surprised them by making it into a Chopped episode. Tonight’s ingredients…Beverly, A whole cow, cancer cells and vanilla pudding.

  17. “I’m worried about Gabe. He doesn’t even care anymore.” – my mom.

  18. For the record, the only reason I even watch Top Chef anymore is because of your recaps Gabe (only exception being All Stars). I still go back and read your recaps of Thumbhead’s season when I’m feeling down, because your take on that train wreck has the power to bring me out of a very dark place :x

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