Please have a seat, pogs. Today we have something very serious to talk about. Wil’ Wil’ West.

Today I want to rap at you about awful surprises. You’re good kids. XBOX Kinect. You work hard in school, you’re respectful of the differences in others, and you try your best to figure out who you are in this mixed up crazy world. Keep it up! But one thing about being alive is that no matter how hard you work, no matter how respectful you are, no matter how true to yourself you remain, things will come along that SHOCK you and that KNOCK YOU BACK ON YOUR HEELS, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out-style. That’s just how it goes. That’s life. And it will continue well into your adult life. One of the biggest Final Exams you’ll ever have to pass is simply learning how to deal with these surprises as they come. How to endure. Hot Pockets: jalapeno & cheddar. It can be confusing and scary out here, but as long as we stick together and we listen to cool music and wear cool clothes but bear in mind that cool music and cool clothes aren’t everything, then hopefully we’ll be OK.

I’m not going to beat around the bush. You’re little adults now and you can just handle me being honest with you: at the premiere for The Lorax, Zac Efron dropped a condom on the red carpet. You might want to watch this video with your parents so that they can help answer some of the questions you might have:

Oh jeez. This is one of those days. Your great-grandparents remember where they were when JFK was assassinated. Your grandparents remember where they were when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Your parents remember 9/11. And now you will always share the war story with your friends as you get older but maintain as many of your hobbies and physical activities as you can in the face of aging about where you were when you found out that Zac Efron dropped a condom on the red carpet at The Lorax premiere. If you haven’t asked your parents any questions about what happened in this video, here are a few sample questions to get you started:

What’s a condom? JUST KIDDING I KNOW WHAT IT IS GET OUT OF MY ROOM?
Is Zac Efron going to hell?
Taylor Lautner would never drop a condom on the red carpet, would he?
Did you and dad ever have condoms before you got married?
Will there be a red carpet for me when I’m on a reality TV show?

Comments (45)
  1. It’s a balloon, kids! Practice safe balloon animals!

  2. Zac needs some lessons from me. I’ve safely kept the same condom in my wallet for YEARS.

  3. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. You’re little adults now and you can just handle me being honest with you: at the premiere for The Lorax, Zac Efron dropped a condom on the red carpet.”

    Unless he had a spare, it sounds like Zac Efron isn’t going to be beating around the bush, either.

  4. Was it a condom, or the WORLD’S SMALLEST THNEED?
    (for him to put his penis in)

  5. Someone clearly planted it to make it look he dropped it to sabotage my poor Zac

  6. So he just has a problem with keeping things in his pants in general, then?

  7. This is a weird coincidence because Jeff Mangum dropped a Nora Efron reference in his stage patter AT THE EXACT SAME TIME!

    • FLW commented on a post about dropping a condom on the red carpet without using a Christina Hendricks gif?
      I’m worried about FLW you guys.

      • Apparently we are not doing that anymore. (See the Christina Hendricks is a goth post.)

        Although, I see several references to Zac Efron’s hotness and bangability and yet I do not see the righteous indignation that permeated the Christina Hendricks comments.

        Oh well. As you were.

        • Because some ladies didn’t like it? Are you really going to sit there and let a woman tell you how to behave? Maybe it’s time to stand up for mankind, and show these women that just because you have a penis doesn’t mean that you’re not a person, too! Take a stand, FLW!

        • Thank you! (Does this mean we’re all going to be spared having to see the horrifying ‘bruce willis is her boobs’ gif ever again?)

  8. Fun fact: the original working title of “The Lorax” was “The Durex.”

  9. Yes, Zac Efron and I practice safe sex. It’s none of your business frankly, and I for one think you should all be supportive that we’re being responsible. Harrumf.

  10. While this all fun a good, I would like to remind all of you that have signed the Tim and Eric Billion Dollar movie pledge that you are contractually barred from seeing The Lorax, no matter what sweet surprises fall out of Zac Efron’s designer pockets.

  11. “Your great-grandparents remember where they were when JFK was assassinated. Your grandparents remember where they were when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Your parents remember 9/11.”

    The fact that this is could actually be true depresses me more than anything.

  12. This reminds me of when Judy Garland dropped an aspirin on the red carpet of “The Wizard of Oz”

  13. The Lorax is about conservation and saving the planet. Nothing accomplishes that more than not putting more people on it, so I’m pretty sure that “accidental drop” was a guerrilla marketing sponsorship tie-in.

  14. REAL TALK: A picture of the Lorax is being printed on a brand of disposable diapers, which is funny because there’s probably no bigger fuck you we give the Earth than disposable diapers, but anyway: it’s a brand of diapers that prides itself on its earth-friendliness, so a lot of customers are freaking out about it, and on the damage control page of the company’s blog someone asked about the safety of the ink being introduced on a heretofore non-inked product and the spokesperson for the company said that actually all of their diapers are dyed because otherwise the diapers would be TRANSLUCENT: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Also, getting children used to ignoring the Lorax on their disposable diapers is good practice for ignoring the Surgeon General’s warning on cigarettes. #jokes #cancer

  15. Someone needs to have a Chat About Jesus.

  16. To be fair, that wasn’t his condom. He was clearly wearing someone else’s pants!

  17. At least he’s using protection!

  18. The condom was actually for the Lorax premiere afterparty.. If you’ve ever been around a drunk Danny DeVito you’d understand.

    • This brings up a very interesting point: Who goes to the premier for a Dr. Seuss movie and says “I’m probably going to get laid tonight. Better bring protection and make sure it is in my front pocket because I don’t know if I will have to time to search for it in some place slightly more discreet.”

      Am I being somewhat naive?

      Also, try to play it cool even just a little bit, Zac. No one would have noticed or cared if you had not stopped right there and made that face that clearly told everyone you had just done something embarrassing.

      • Yeah, I feel like there’s basically a zero percent chance that this was actually an “accident,” and not Zac Efron trying to adult-up his image. Which would be fine if it wasn’t at the premiere of a movie for babies.

      • Those theater bathrooms are where the action is AT. i mean…he doesn’t need to see the movie, he was in it! #bangbang

    • Danny Devito knows the condom’s not enough. You’ve also got to wave a wad of hundreds around.

  19. “The condom is used for catching a man’s seed / And that’s something even Zac Efron needs.” -Dr. Seuss

  20. Who or what is this dude banging this week?

  21. Efron is just lobbying to be the new spokesperson for a new brand of condom that’s being marketed to the 8 to 14 crowd.

    Now if you excuse me I’m about to be escorted off to prison.

  22. Is anyone else honestly pissed that they redid a sound environmental movie for kids into an overly-marketed garbage fest that will create a ton more plastic pieces of crap to toss into the ocean? I have actually lost sleep over the remake of the Lorax.

  23. Taylor Lautner would never drop Zac Efron’s condom on the red carpet, would he?

  24. Very funny story. ha ha. BUT can I more generally comment on how Teen Korner posts are consistently some of the funniest I read? The teen “pop culture” references kill me every time. This post? “hot pockets: jalapeno and cheddar.”

    I died.

  25. Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out? That reference is so old, it could be arrested for being unaccompanied at a playground.

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