HEY GUYS! I’m sure you’ve heard about this because the info was released like over 20 minutes ago and I don’t want to seem like I’m insulting anyone’s intelligence, but just in case you haven’t heard yet for some reason, I don’t know what the reason could be, maybe you were driving and you were stuck in a tunnel for half an hour or something and, I don’t know, a scary monster was in there and it stole your phone, but I have some VERY exciting news that concerns each of our two interests: Malls, and THE HUNGER GAMES! (Also our bonus interest of very large crowds of pushy, screaming children.) From Deadline:

Talent from The Hunger Games will be embarking on a national tour to meet press and fans March 3rd – 10th, 2012. The tour, sponsored by the Microsoft Store, China Glaze, and h2O Spring Water will include stops in Los Angeles, Atlanta, Seattle, Phoenix, Dallas, Miami, Chicago, and Minneapolis.

Each stop will include a Q&A event where fans will have a chance to ask questions of their favorite cast members and participate in fun giveaways such as a chance to win a limited-edition Hunger Games HP Folio PC from the Microsoft Store or additional Hunger Games gear.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I’m screaming right now I can’t stop AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Unfortunately none of those places are even close to where I live so I won’t be attending, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give YOU guys a few tips for when you all definitely go! Ahh, I’m so excited for you! YOUR DREAM COME TRUE!

  1. DO: Dress your best. How are you going to impress The Hunger Games if you’re looking like a big old stupid garbage bag? Don’t be an idiot. Pick out your outfit now — a NICE one — and make sure it’s clean and ready for the big day.
  2. DO NOT: Make a fool of yourself. I swear to god, if you make a fool of yourself I’m going to be so mad.
  3. DO: Show enthusiasm. Keep your screaming to a maximum, and remember to yell everything you like about The Hunger Games, or even just facts you remember about the books, as loud as you can whenever there is a quiet moment, or even just when everyone else is yelling. Always Be Yelling.
  4. DO NOT: Show up late. Ugh. Why would you even think about showing up late? What’s wrong with you? Do you even want to see The Hunger Games cast when they’re at the mall?
  5. DO: Show up early. THAT’S MORE LIKE IT. The big days are coming up very soon, so plan out when you’re going to get there and how you’re going to be able to camp out in the mall for a week without anyone noticing you now.
  6. DO NOT: Smoke cigarettes. I know you think it looks cool, but you know what? It doesn’t, and it’s gross, and seriously unhealthy. You’re cool just the way you are.

So that’s it, you guys! You should be all set. I’m so jealous of how much fun you’re going to have at that mall with the cast of The Hunger Games! Scream at them for me please!!!!!

Comments (22)
  1. A mall tour is just such a perfect way to promote a movie based on books that decried conspicuous consumption.

  2. Oh my lord I totally would not want to kill myself if I worked at one of those malls

  3. I saw the picture and then saw that they were coming to Minneapolis and was SO EXCITED because I thought the white haired guy was Ron Pearlman.

    It’s not actually Ron Pearlman. :(

  4. The best part about all of the pre-release hype for these movies is how nobody’s going to be disappointed when they actually see them.

  5. I would actually go to this if it wasn’t a guaranteed nightmare of screeching teenagers. I drove four hours last year to take my sister to the Pokemon mall tour on her birthday. I like my publicity campaigns 1982 style.

  6. Hunger Gamestop

  7. For the sake of all the fans, I hope nobody shows them a directory at any of the malls. Then they might realize there’s a food court, and next thing you know, they’re not hungry anymore and there’s no more movie. I don’t care how committed they are to their craft, there is not a person alive who can resist the siren call of a Wetzel’s Pretzel.

  8. Don’t bring a bow an arrow, Paul Blart Mall Cop does not like it when you bring a bow and arrow

  9. I’m holding out for the stars of the Monster Games. I think I heard they’ll be touring strip malls.

  10. They still have malls? I thought it was just Targets and Ikeas now.

  11. Your move, Tiffany.

  12. Ugh, seriously a MALL tour? I had my suspicions/fears, but now I KNOW this movie’s gonna suck. No good movie ever gets promoted in a mall.

    And yet I still hold out a little hope that it’ll be AWESOME and that Woody Harrelson’s plastic Barbie wig will somehow “work.”

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