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Have you guys ever read Brett Easton Ellis? I like his books so much. I’m not even sure why, exactly. Well, that’s not entirely true. I think that American Psycho is an honest to goodness literary classic. That one will outlive us all. Less Than Zero is also great and he wrote it when he was what, 12? Good grief. Glamorama and The Informers are decent, although both are problematic. (It’s crazy how insightful these book reviews are, and I bet Brett Easton Ellis is just very PROUD to have a mind like this pouring over his life’s work. Congratulations to YOU, Brett Easton Ellis.) What I’m trying to say is that I started reading Imperial Bedrooms this week and I’m really enjoying it! Obviously, I’m not done, so maybe it all goes to shit, but it’s a pretty fast-paced fun book about the Nightmare that is Hollywood. (See also the books of Bruce Wagner, who is so good and who I always forget has books I still haven’t read yet, and so I’m going to read him next I think, and just you wait, Bruce Wagner, because you’re going to get a wonderful Gabe Delahaye Klassic Literary Theory Book Review soon that is going to be like “This book was good I think.”) So, if you need a book to read this weekend, try the one I just talked about! Goodbye!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Martha Stewart Feeding Her Dog At The Plaza Hotel Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 topknot | Feb 10th Score:56

Pretty sure he fought in the War on Christmas.

Posted in: Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole, Feb. 10 Edition
#3 Dr. Feelgood | Feb 13th Score:60

Gingrich or Die Tryin’

Posted in: Newt Gingrich Doesn’t Care About Broke People
#2 Max Beerbong | Feb 14th Score:61

Still a more hygienic restaurant scene than pasta with Courtney Stodden.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Martha Stewart Feeding Her Dog At The Plaza Hotel
#1 tiredandwired | Feb 14th Score:66

Twin Peaks anyone?

Posted in: The Videogum TV Club Poll: What Do You Wanna Watch?!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Well, even a #1 comment can't get you Twin Peaks, apparently. I'm sorry, tiredandwired. Maybe next time! Everything everybody else said is pretty much just correct. Good job, guys! You are all very right and you all deserve a big congratulations. So: CONGRATULATIONS! Have a good weekend! Have a drink to celebrate this win! On you!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

#1

Noah Powell | Feb 14th Score:-21
“Chew-chow, eat this whilst mommy goes to the toilet. My panties, like your food, make its own gravy. ALEEEEEEXXXIA!!!”
Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Martha Stewart Feeding Her Dog At The Plaza Hotel

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Hahah, well, one thing's for sure and that is that you, Noah Powell, you did NOT win this week's caption contest. Sorry! Better luck next week!]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Max Beerbong | Feb 14th Score:61

Still a more hygienic restaurant scene than pasta with Courtney Stodden.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Martha Stewart Feeding Her Dog At The Plaza Hotel

[Ed. Note: Congratulations, Max Beerbong! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice

badideajeans | Feb 16th Score:8

Happy Birthday KellyElizabeth Olsen!

Posted in: When Books Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Be Babies Memorizing All The Poetry

[Assoc. Ed. Note: I think it's just really important to, once again, acknowledge Elizabeth Olsen's birthday and wish her a good one. Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Olsen! Have a fun weekend!]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Kate | Feb 16th Score:7

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Posted in: This Is Just A Pretty Standard Louis Armstrong Doll

[Ed. Note: Considering how long Videogum has been running, and the nature of what we talk about here, and how many smart and thoughtful people share their funny and insightful comments, it's both a surprise and an obvious oversight that never once has the comment "Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!" been recognized for its contribution to the debate. It says so much. It's almost beautiful in its economy. We should have honored it sooner. Oh well.]

Comments (102)
  1. Hey, guess where I’m going tomorrow!

    Happy weekend, everyone!

  2. I’m surprised you can get over how much Brett Easton Ellis is the worst Gabe, not in terms of writing but in terms of just being a human

    • His tweets give me a lot of “HUH?!” moments, but I still find the guy pretty fascinating.

    • I agree with this. He’s kind of an awful jerk in the way that Gabe hates awful jerks.

      What gives, Gabe?

      (Also: I really like the one he did about models, though I read it drunk on an airplane 12 years ago so I might not like it anymore.)

    • I was also under the impression that Ellis was kind of a self-absorbed tool in real life so I’ve never checked out his books (even though I really like the movie Rules of Attraction) but I’m sure that Gabe was aware that most people think the guy’s a tool so you have to give him props for still saying, “I like this guy’s books,” like some bare-ass lightning rod of ridicule and not caring if some of the guy’s perceived douchiness rubs off on him in our perception. That is, if props are still a thing being given out. What are props? I still don’t know what that is. Props. I’m taking back the props. Here.

      Whatever props are, this is probably better.

    • My contribution at this point is to mention that last month I finally read Bright Lights, Big City, which was written by Jay McInerney, who is the Costello to Bret Easton Ellis’s Abbott.

      It was so good when it was all about an edgy, cokey loser, and so went to shit when it was about [SPOILER ALERT FROM 1985] a guy who just wanted a girlfriend.

  3. And it’s Friday, let’s dance

  4. Lol. As my husband just pointed out, it looks like my avatar is saying Aaaaahhhhhh. So what’s everyone doing this weekend? We’re having a game night, and I’m making bo ssan from Momofuku.

  5. Looks like it is that time once again for the Videogum.com Reverse Comment Ball ranking, where we turn the tables on the bloggers by putting them in the crosshairs I mean spotlight. Here are the five best blog posts of the week, the worst blog post of the week and editor choice:

    #5. It is time to talk about the Kirk Cameron movie trailer
    #4. Still Flowin’ is our generations 8 mile
    #3. Teenager cries on local television program
    #2. This is a standard Louis Armstrong Doll
    #1. Whitney Houston tribute on the subway

    [Ed. note - congratulations you earned it.]

    worst blog post of the week:
    The Rope Swing is too big video
    [Ed. note - The actual video is fine, kinda fun actually, but it is the music that ruined this for me. Next time you should score your videos with better music.]

    Editor Choice
    The Walking Dead tv show recap and analysis
    [Ed. note: these re-caps are rad and terrific. I would actually pay cash money to read these if they were placed behind a fire wall. They are not unlike the LOST re-caps of old, except the author is a little bit more honest about how terrible the show is. I hate Walking Dead and wish I could stop watching it but I can not. I hate myself for watching it and for being incapable of turning off the tv set. But reading these re-caps I discover all sorts of undiscovered frontiers of hate and wrongness inherent in these terrible scripts, such that by reading these blog posts my bad experience is transformed in to something beautiful. I appreciate the re-caps is what I am trying to say. Great job, everyone involved.]

  6. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. I’m sorry. This moment is so much bigger than me. This moment is for Pickpocket, Badideajeans, Specialk. It’s for the monsters that stand beside me, Topknot, Dr. Feelgood, Tiredandwired And it’s for every nameless, faceless monster that now has a chance because this door tonight has been opened. Thank you. I’m so honored. I’m so honored. And I thank the Internet for choosing me to be the vessel for which His blessing might flow. Thank you.

    I want to thank my Spar-buddy, Facetaco. He’s been with me for about a day and you fought every fight and you’ve loved me when I’ve been up, but more importantly you’ve loved me when I’ve been down. You have been a manager, a friend, and the only father I’ve ever known. Really. And I love you very much.

    I want to thank Kajusx & Chainsaws who’s given me the strength to fight every single day, to be who I want to be and given me the courage to dream, that this dream might be happening and possible for me. I love you, Kajusx, so much. Thank you. My husband, who is just a joy of my life, and Catweazle, thank you for giving me peace because only with the peace that you’ve brought me have I been allowed to go to places that I never even knew I could go. Thank you. I love you and India with all my heart.

    I want to thank Videogum. Thank you. Gabe, Kelly for making sure everybody knew about this little tiny comment. Thank you for believing in me. My director Frank Lloyd Wrong, you’re a genius. You’re a genius. This commenting experience was magical for me because of you. You believed in me; you trusted me and you gently guided me to very scary places. I thank you. I want to thank Fondue Cheddar. I could have never figured out who the heck Courtney Stodden was without you. I love you. Thank you. I want to thank Steve Winwood, our producer. Thank you for giving me this chance, for believing that I could do it. And now tonight I have this. Thank you.

    I want to thank my agents — The Official Muse Fanclub, Louis Simon especially. I have to thank my agents — Mr Housefrau, thank you. Thank you for never kicking me out and sending me somewhere else. Thank you. I, I, I, who else? I have so many people that I know I need to thank. My lawyers — That One, thank you. Okay, wait a minute. I got to take…a whole week here!! Ok. I got to take this time! I got to thank my lawyer, That One, for making this deal. Djfreshie. I need to thank lastly and not leastly, I have to thank Martha Stewart for putting me in her very caption contest and believing in me. Donna Darko for being the best role model any girl can have. Noah Powell, thank you. And thank you to Spider Boners. Thank you so much for being my mentors and believing in me.

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  7. I was so ashamed by my Star Wars/Donna Darko Tourette’s-like outburst, that I consoled myself for the rest of the week by thinking, “Maybe it’s not as bad as you think? Don’t sweat it. Maybe that weird thing you did will make it into the Monster’s Ball. By validation, your shame will be washed away.”


    No such luck.

    • Nope. It was just weird. Sorry!

    • Ohhhhh is that what your Dengar Darko comment was referring to? I hadn’t read seen your giant thread of them when you posted it on the Gwyneth Paltrow post. I am a big enough nerd that I recognized the name as a Star Wars character, but for some reason assumed that you wouldn’t have been, so I was left very confused. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I Understand Now.

      • That’s right. I hadn’t read seen.

        • I got into Star Wars way late, which was basically my freshman year of high school because a new friend I made was into Star Wars. The Special Editions weren’t too long after that. I was excited to see the prequels, went to the midnight showing of Episode I, blah blah blah. To this day it is the film I’ve seen the most times in a theater (6x BAAaaAAAaaaaaRF). By the time Episode III was released in 2005 I was done. I was also attending a super-nerdy comic book art school at the time, and all the fevered hand-rubbing of my classmates really put everything into perspective.

          But over that 10 year period I enjoyed the universe, read some of the books, played some video games, bought way too many action figures, etc., and I made a to-action-figure-scaled Mos Eisley Cantina for a high school art class assignment.

          I watched the first two seasons of the computer-animated Clone Wars, but I stopped because I lost interest, and I also kept thinking up dark scenarios of how Anakin’s padawan would meet her demise before the events of Episode III (since the show takes place between Ep II and Ep III), which just made me think of what a mess the whole thing is now.

          Genndy (Samurai Jack, Dexter’s Laboratory) Tartakovsky’s Clone Wars was awesome though (season 1, seaosn 2′s plot was written by George Lucas, and it was dumb).

          ANYWAY. I hope this explains that Donna Darko thread. As you can see, it’s all their uner the surface, and the less it comes out, the better.

          “Don’t make me nerdy. You wouldn’t like me nerdy.”

          • Stop trying to fix it! It was just weird okay!?

          • I didn’t think it was weird but I’m probably not a reliable barometer. Also, yay for Genndy Tartakovsky!

          • This reminds me of a story. When I was a young boy, maybe middle school aged, I spent a Saturday working for this lady cleaning rental property or something. I think my parents were out of town at a funeral and these people were watching me, so I was sort of forced into helping them. But it was no big deal.

            Well, when the day was over she told me she couldn’t afford to pay me, which was a surprise to me, because I had never considered that I might get paid. Instead she took me out to the garage and gave me some of her son’s old toys. Namely, a large Darth Vader Head carrying case full of classic Star Wars action figures. I thought they were pretty awesome. I was a huge Star Wars fan and I was still at an age where action figures could be played with. So, I played with them non stop for about two weeks.

            A few weeks later the lady called up my parents saying that her son, who was in his mid twenties, had found out what she had done and was kindof upset. My mom refused to give them back to him since it was my payment for helping her work that day, and I had been so excited about getting them. So, I ended up keeping them.

            this still haunts me. It’s a guilt worm sitting in the back of my mind at all times. I now realize that I have a nearly complete set of the original 1980s Star Wars action figures, which sell on eBay for $10~$20 each even in worn condition. I would be pretty upset if my mom had dug into my things while I was in college and gave away my G.I.Joe collection.

            I didn’t say it was a good story.

          • Zayin, who said I was trying to fix it? If anything I want to get this way weirder.

            You shouldn’t feel guilty unless your mom asked you what you wanted to do, and you told your mom you wanted to keep the figures.

            If your mom straight up told the lady no, then 1) You’re mom is pretty ballsy, considering neighbors get into wars about all sorts of silly shit, and she probably severely hurt the possibility of you being looked after by this lady again. But considering she made you do yard work, no big loss.

            And 2) Your mom did that lady’s son a fucking favor. My parent still have a box full of TMNT, X-Men, and Star Wars figures AND my cantina (there would be more stuff I’m sure, but when I was a little kid my mom’s policy was if I wanted to get into new toy franchises I had to ditch older ones, so He-Man begat G.I. Joe begat Transformers and M.A.S.K. begat Real Ghostbusters, etc). Even if that guy was upset because it was an ‘investment,’ forget him. They’re TOYS.

            If I fly back home one of these days and all that stuff is gone I would be fine with it. I should probably tell my parents to chuck that stuff right now and free up some of their storage space. That Cantina is HUGE. it has a ROOF that’s half a sphere.

    • I was just shocked you didn’t do Dak Darko.

      • I have no idea who that is, and I feel pretty good about it!

        • Whaaaaat?!? Luke’s copilot in the snow speeder!

          • OH! He’s all dead and shit! Poor guy…

          • Donna Porkins RIP

          • My lord, you nerds do enjoy the jerking off of each other. The last jizzum of consciousness! Cocksmen of Adonises. Harpsichords in your lofts and lofty incantantions of gibberish and such.

          • Ah, we have fun.

          • I don’t even know what I was saying with that comment. It goes without saying that I was so drunk that it’s blacked out, but still, usually when I look back on what I’ve written I can see what I was trying to say. With that one, nope. “Cocksmen of Adonises.” That’s a thing I wrote. What the fuck does that mean?!? Anyway, I apologize if anyone took offense at being called a Cocksman of Adonis or being called out on having a harpsichord in your loft? WTF! I really hope I was making fun of myself in some postmodern way I’m too sober to understand right now.

            I wish I could say I was on acid. I wasn’t.

          • Just in case any aliens are scouring the “InterNets” after our society has fallen into ruin and they happen upon this thread, aha! I remembered where that above comment came from.

            You see, aliens, earlier in the evening… alright, late in the evening, I’d been listening to Allen Ginsberg’s recitation of Howl due to a comment I made on this selfsame “blog” which made me nostalgic for it. The word “blog” is horrible, I know, but somehow it became common usage. I will leave it up to you to decipher the wherefors and howwhens regarding that particular cultural phenomenon. Also, Twitter. Look into that too, since you’re already researching things. Anyway, at some point I must have become impatient with both his style and my enthusiasm for it as a young man, a disenchantment I could not contain, so I went looking for the nearest opportunity to vent my spleen and this is where my spleen ventings landed. As you will note, they are viscous and Dartmouth green in colouration. I hope that this clears up any lingering mystery regarding this thread and now you can move on to more rewarding areas of research. For instance, Gwyneth Paltrow or Kirsten Dunst’s teeth.

  8. I read Imperial Bedrooms last year and I actually liked how much quicker the pace was vs. Less Than Zero, which seemed to drag a bit sometimes. In general, when I read Brett Easton Ellis, I have the same review as Gabe: I liked it I think? I don’t know, I really enjoy reading his novels but always feel so…dirty?…after. There is just some seriously f-ed up stuff in his books that my inner Catholic school girl refuses to comprehend. I still haven’t recovered from that rat scene in American Psycho. Point is, keep reading, Gabe! Just try not to do it right before you go to sleep.

    • Cheese & Chainsaws: Patrick Bateman’s Super-Happy Fun Guide To Dating

      • I had to throw away my copy of the book because every time I looked at it, I would nearly have an anxiety attack. Plus, it didn’t help that the cover is ultra creepy:

        • The only Bret Easton Ellis book I’ve read is Glamorama. I was ill-prepared. While I liked it? I think? I was really freaked out by the chapter that was just a three person fuckfest. Is that the term? I don’t know. But I haven’t been brave enough to try another one. And just the words “rat scene” make me think I should never even attempt American Psycho.

          • If there was one thing I could Eternal Sunshine out of my brain, it would be American Psycho, and its goddamn rat scene. Which, from what I unfortunately can still vaguely recall, also involved a nailgun, some eyeball stuff, and some teeth stuff. So foul. I loved Glamorama though, it’s actually one of my favorites.

            Less Than Zero is pretty great, Rules of Attraction slightly less great. From what I remember of Luna Park, it was actually pretty scary.

    • Ever had this conversation:

      Person: “Have you seen American Psycho? That movie is amazing!”

      Me: “Yes I have. I didn’t like it as much as the book. You’ve read the book, right?”

      Person: “No I haven’t. But the movie is ama…”

      Me: “Ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu”

    • I call for more Gabe/Videogum literary recommendations. A Videogum Book Club if you will.

      I find it hard to find places for good book recommendations because every literary blog just seems so ultra wanky. Maybe you guys know some good ones.

  9. I’m happy to get the number 1 comment, but I’m also sad that Twin Peaks didn’t win. I think this pretty much sums up how I feel right now:

  10. Has anyone been following Bret Easton Ellis? That guy is obsessed with James Deen of porn fame. So much so, Deen is now his muse for a movie that he’s writing.

  11. Due to “scheduling”, I haven’t been able to ball out on time for the past several weeks, and, perhaps, the next several, so apologies for being late. But REST ASSURED, I am now celebrating just like you: shirtless and drinking a beer. Let’s all have the best President’s Day weekend in our nation’s history!!

  12. The thread of the week wasn’t even here, it was this ENTIRE STEREOGUM POST that was mobbed completely and quite transparently by friends and fans of the Band Doe Paoro. It started off pretty innocuously, and there was a moment where regular commenters started to catch on, and that even made it worse. It was a beautiful storm. THE PERFECT storm.

    If I had to pick a Vgum thread it was probably the entire Valentine’s Day thread. That was very nice, all around. So there you go.

    • If that comment thread was a room I walked into, my eyes would go wide and I would back out ever-so-slowly.

      • It’s hard to hate on such a clearly nice thing, but the things people said were just SO weird some of them…like, people who clearly have a facebook, but only ever post pictures of their babies are suddenly called on to comment on a real message board for the first time – that’s the result.

      • Ha ha “Welcome to the internet, rookies, time to play with the big boys” types guy whose employer doesn’t know they pay him to procrastinate while practicing his cool dry wit.

    • Yeah. That was a pretty amazingly weird moment.

      Random connection. In the very early days of the internet People Magazine moved their poll for “Sexiest Man Alive” online. This seemed like a great plan for everyone involved, but the world was not aware of just how strange hungry the online universe was. There were monsters in existence that no one had ever dreamed of before. As a result, Leonardo DiCaprio was dethroned by none other than John Linnell from They Might Be Giants (picture included at the bottom). John of course isn’t a bad looking fellow, but… well, he’s no Leonardo DiCaprio. There was talk about hackers rigging the poll, which is definitely a possibility, since there is probably a fairly nerdy overlap between early internet hackers and They Might Be Giants fans. But it was finally decided that it had simply just been a fair vote overloaded by a bunch of Giants fans that were early internet adopters and were just beginning to realize their power.

      There is a lesson here for all of us. Although I’m not sure what it is, because I’m very tired and lost track of what I was going to say.

  13. Gabe likes Bret Easton Ellis?? I’m gonna scram outta this joint before anyone starts being proud on Palahniuk.

  14. So what, are we just not ever going to have another entry to “The Worst Movie Of All Time”? That’s a good feature!

  15. I found a great dating bisexual site DATEBI*C’O'M. It is a serious& safe dating site for the bisexual and bi-curious individuals to meet in a friendly and comfortable environment. It hopes that all members can make new friends and establish romantic relationships. I have to say DATEBI*COM the best site I have ever joined so far. They verify all members. Unlike other sites,NO scammers or fake profiles here, and you can meet many rich or mature women as well, including celebs, famous stars.BEST OF LUCK!

  16. Can I just say that KajusX & Chainsaws’ comment on the creepy Louis Armstrong doll “It’s the nightmares I’m not having” gave me a fit of laughter so strong that I felt light-headed afterward?

    Favorite comment on this site, ever.

  17. “I bet Brett Easton Ellis is just very PROUD to have a mind like this pouring over his life’s work.”

    OH CRAP GABE IS GOING TO BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT WE ARE PROBABLY TOO LATE IN RETROSPECT THE SIGNS WERE ALL TOO CLEAR!!!!1!!!1!

  18. Reading Monsters’ Ball every week makes me feel like this:

    [image]http://theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/crazy_o_GIFSoup.com_.gif[/image]

    Also, hi, I’m new here. You’ll all hate me eventually (probably).

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