After ending his show in 2010, Larry King is now officially severing ties with CNN for good. Oh blah di, oh blah blah blah.
Man, I’m really gonna miss whatever exactly it was that Larry King did.
To: All CNN Center Employees
From: The office of John E. Kampfe, Executive Vice President and CFO, Turner Broadcasting
Re: Turner/CNN’s relationship with Larry King
As you all may know, CNN/Turner has mutually agreed to no longer produce Mr. King’s quarterly specials, effectively ending our 27-year relationship.
Because we will no longer need to factor Mr. King’s suspenders allotment in our yearly budget, all CNN Center employees can now take three (3) chicken fingers in the commissary, instead of the maximum of two (2) that were specified in this 2012 edition of the employee handbook.
If you have any questions on this new chicken finger policy or our relationship with Mr. King, my assistant Camille Ponce is happy to address any inquiries on a first-come basis.
John E. Kampfe (CP)
cc: Turner, Ted
TRUE UNRELATED STORY:
When I was in the Navy, our ship had a number of merchant marines, and one of the things that they did was man the kitchen. While DADT was still in effect at that time, the merchant marines had no such policy (or if they did, they just didn;t care), and as a result, the man who served the food was very openly gay. He was also very flamboyant, and liked to call me “baby” and say how adorable I was. People tried to make jokes at my expense at first, but when it was chicken finger day, they didn’t have a damn thing to say when they saw how many chicken fingers that dude gave me. Filled my tray up! It was just the best!
Finally, Larry can dedicate all his time to finding and stopping the evil mummy that’s been plaguing his dreams once and for all, calling to him…
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