There is a new Whit Stillman movie trailer this week, you guys! It has been simply ages since he made a movie, darlings. AHAHAHAHAH. I’m just like Whit Stillman now! Seriously, though it has been a long time and he has made some pretty good movies and also Last Days of Disco, which is less good but still fine ultimately and features Kate Beckinsale before she was in the Underworld saga or even a presenter at the Grammys for no reason. Also Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which, well, we will talk about it when the time is right, which is after the jump:

Damsels In Distress

Even if this movie weren’t directed by Whit Stillman, it would totally be directed by Whit Stillman. Because whoever made this pulled a total Whit Stillman. This looks fine and everything, and those quotes certainly are glowing, but it’s actually kind of a bummer that Whit Stillman doesn’t track this monied class through their lives. He’s clearly much older than he was when he made Metropolitan, so why is he going back to this blush of youth stuff? I’d be so much more curious about his take on aging debutantes. It’s also a little weird that he clearly thinks Chloe Sevigny is too old to be in a movie anymore, so he finds Greta Gerwig to play Chloe Sevigny in a movie? Eep! Eep! Anyway, I will see this, but I wish Whit Stillman would find a movie his own age to fall in love with.

Intruders

Too scary! I’d be just like GET OUT OF HERE, HOLLOW FACE! NO MENUS!

Pusher

Is it racist of me to think that all of these English mobster movies look the same? They look good! But the same. This seems like the kind of thing that I won’t actually end up seeing and then six years from now I will find it on Netflix Instant and for two seconds remember, oh yeah, that looked kind of good, before I just watch something else entirely. The Bank Job style. But fingers crossed! Maybe someday someone will actually see this! (I’m just being realistic, Pusher trailer, don’t be sad.)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Ugh. I’ve been avoiding watching this trailer all week because the title alone makes me want to BARF. I’m a total BARFETBAGGER when it comes to this movie. But it is directed by Timur Bekmambetov, which gives me pause. Wanted wasn’t very good, but Night Watch was great. Still. Fuck this. The fact that the whole vampire thing is totally overblown and insufferable doesn’t mean that I’m looking for some kind of cheeky play on the vampire thing. I want us to wash our hands of the vampire thing entirely, not goof on it. I’m talking to you, too, Jane Austen With Zombies or whatever that thing is. Enough.

Comments (46)
  1. That whole Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter thing is just a little too nudge-nudge-wink-wink-aint-I-clever. I will give points to Pride And Prejudice And Zombies as a book, though, since it was pretty innovative when it came out. That courtesy does not, however, extend to the movie.

  2. I wish Chloe Sevigny was too old to have ever been in movies.

  3. The last thing I ever expected Gabe to write was an endorsement of Night Watch; someone besides me saw that movie?

  4. If Greta Gerwig is our generation’s Chloe Sevigny then who is our generation’s Vincent Gallo?

  5. Gabe, PUSHER is actually Drive‘s Nicholas Winding Refn’s first film, and first part of a trilogy of PUSHER films he did, and for some reason someone decided to remake it, which is what this trailer is for.

    The PUSHER trilogy is pretty top notch though. I don’t know about this remake, but if you have a chance I would recommend checking them out. For a while the first one was on Netflix Instant.

  6. Listen. I agree, in theory, I think, with regards to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. But on the other hand, Alan Tudyk. I cannot censure anything involving Alan Tudyk too severely. Not even new V. He is too damned likable.

  7. One of my favorite Party Down episodes was ‘Taylor Stiltskin Sweet Sixteen,’ where Henry’s friend shows up and is going to be playing the lead in Edgar Allan Poe: Vampire Hunter, and tries to get Henry the role of Poe’s sidekick, Abe Lincoln.

    I think Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was already a book when they made this episode, and I loved how on the nose they were with it being turned into a ridiculous movie.

  8. Maybe its a poor trailer, but I dunno how I feel about Damsels in Distress. On a completely unrelated note, I would definitely watch Whit Stillman’s take on SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE starring Aubrey Plaza and Chris Eigeman…

    • Speaking of Aubrey Plaza, I recently watched Scott Pilgrim with a commentary track featuring Aubrey Plaza, Anna Kendrick, Mark Webber, and Kieran Culkin. Apparently, at the premiere party Aubrey hit on Kieran, and he totally negged her. So, you guys, on the hollywood male hierarchy Kieran Culkin > Ryan Gosling. I just thought I’d bring that up. Carry on. Also, does anyone else think the blonde girl from Damsels in Distress screen cap looks like Ryan Gosling. Does any of this matter? What am I doing with my life?

  9. Who cast Allison from Intervention in a movie?? That top photo scared the crap out of me!

  10. Hey! It’s Jeff from Coupling in the Pusher trailer! Just makes me want to watch Coupling.

    • Seriously, I was excited when I saw him!
      “To know about the giggle loop is to become part of the giggle loop”

  11. As far as Pusher is concerned:

    1) English
    2) Drugs
    3) A debt that must be paid
    4) Foreign mobster
    5) Cute girl with short blonde hair in her underwear
    6) Guns
    7) Cars
    8) This song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S94Kb4MVxj8 (remixed however) in the trailer?

    Yeah, I’ll see it.

  12. It’s not a proper English mob movie if it doesn’t have Statham.

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  14. I have a lot of problems with the Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter movie, but I am sad to admit that I actually shouted “WHAT” at the trailer when it showed the National Mall in DC. The Washington Monument wasn’t completed during Lincoln’s lifetime, but they have it in the trailer. What is wrong with my life that I am more upset about THAT egregious anachronism than the mere existence of this film? I have bad priorities. Help me.

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