Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: kelly! what’s up?!
Kelly: Whoa you seem excited
Gabe: how was your valentine’s day?
Gabe: are you broke?
Kelly: My Valentine’s Day was great! I’m super broke now but I have a brand new diamond to pawn so I think I’ll be fine.
Kelly: How was yours? Are you broke?
Gabe: mine was just fine, thank you
Kelly: Great, good to hear.
Kelly: Speaking of Valentine’s Day
Kelly: Remember when Brett Ratner said that rehearsal was “for fags” and then he dropped out of producing the Oscars?
Gabe: i do
Gabe: hahhahaha
Gabe: thank you for reminding me though
Kelly: Haha no problem
Gabe: Rehearsal’s For Fags
Gabe: get that puppy up on CafePress
Gabe: ding dong I’M A MILLIONAIRE
Kelly: Not if I get it on CafePress first!!!!!
Kelly: But anyway, so now he’s making up for that controversial remark by directing a series of PSAs
Kelly: for
Kelly: GLAAD!!!!

Kelly: Hello? Gabe?
Gabe: oh thank god
Kelly: Oh you’re here I thought you were away taking down everything negative you’ve ever written about Brett Ratner
Gabe: let me just preface the rest of this conversation by saying that
Gabe: it’s always hard to speak too negatively about someone who is trying
Gabe: to do a positive thing in the world
Kelly: Yes
Gabe: BUT WE’LL DO OUR BEST
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: I just
Kelly: ugh
Kelly: I guess it’s just that the article I’m reading about it also has a picture of his face on it
Kelly: So it’s difficult.

Gabe: my favorite part is that his PSAs are going to feature
Gabe: celebrities “coming out”
Gabe: which basically means that
Gabe: those celebrities are doing all of the work
Gabe: that’s like me holding the camera for Dan Savage
Gabe: and then taking credit for the It Gets Better campaign
Gabe: it’s a brave and powerful thing that I created
Kelly: Haha, right.
Kelly: His big move is standing behind the scenes directing another person’s idea about how to make the world better
Kelly: and have his name attached to statements from GLAAD
Kelly: that probably only bloggers are going to talk about on blogs
Gabe: i’m sure in his mind it’s an incredible service he’s providing
Gabe: because of how impressed everyone is going to be
Gabe: by all of the stunts and sassy banter
Gabe: “That was crazy when Johnny Weir skated through those ninjas and then CAME OUT.”

Gabe: THANK YOU, BRETT RATNER
Kelly: Yes thank you, you really did it, you really directed it
Kelly: It really happened and you were there for the whole thing
Gabe: he is not going to be writing them, or being in them, he is not even the cinematographer on them
Gabe: it’s just going to be him saying “that was good.”
Gabe: “good job, we’ll use that one.”
Kelly: I guess really
Kelly: the one who did a great job on this one
Kelly: is whoever got him this deal with GLAAD
Kelly: Because yeah he is not really putting himself out there TOO much for the LGBT community
Kelly: But it still kind of seems like a nice thing? That we almost feel bad criticizing?
Gabe: you know what, i take it back, i don’t feel bad
Gabe: fuck that guy
Gabe: you don’t get to DIRECT for charity
Gabe: that’s nonsense
Kelly: yeah!
Gabe: i’ll make those ads
Gabe: give me the flip cam
Gabe: i’ve got iMovie
Gabe: i’ll direct the shit out of those ads

Kelly: YEAH!
Gabe: the thing is, if you’re a good person and a director and a MILLIONAIRE
Gabe: you should just DIRECT A PSA FOR A GOOD CAUSE ANYWAY
Gabe: you don’t have to pretend like you’re some fucking hero for doing something that you are clearly doing as a punishment
Kelly: Hahah really?
Kelly: You DON’T have to wait until you say rehearsal’s for fags?

Gabe: well, that is the one troubling thing about all of this
Gabe: is that rehearsal IS for fags
Kelly: Well right, but you don’t say it.
Gabe: it’s complicated, you know, the POLITICS
Gabe: as they say, Hollywood is just like high school
Gabe: it’s a popularity contest and the loser has to direct a PSA that he doesn’t even want to direct
Kelly: right.
Kelly: So he can produce the Oscars in his senior year without shame
Gabe: somehow i honestly feel like this is worse
Gabe: this PSA story
Gabe: than the part where Brett Ratner just said rehearsal’s for fags
Gabe: like, that was a terrible thing to say, but Brett Ratner is obviously just a fucking dumb terrible idiot
Kelly: Who for sure still says things like rehearsal is for fags all the time
Gabe: yes!
Gabe: but now he probably thinks that he’s not only made amends
Gabe: for being such a piece of shit
Gabe: but that he’s some kind of American Hero
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: yes
Kelly: And I don’t even know what GLAAD could be gaining from this?
Gabe: i refuse to allow GLAAD to give Brett Ratner the satisfaction of burnishing his ego
Kelly: Well, you should send them your own statement about that
Kelly: Have a statement war with GLAAD
Gabe: i’m going to direct an anti-Brett Ratner PSA
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: perfect
Gabe: will you write it? and be in it?
Gabe: i’ll hold the camera
Gabe: oh, and i get all the credit
Gabe: do you even know how PSAs work? or are you cynical and selfish?
Gabe: open your heart, kelly
Gabe: and let hatred of Brett Ratner pour in
Kelly: You’re so brave.

Comments (32)
  1. I know this is a generalization but I don’t think I’ve ever met a Brett who wasn’t a dick.

  2. REAL MEN HATE BRETT RATNER.

    (A public service announcement provided by Gabe with no input or involvement from Kelly whatsoever, so just get that out of your head.)

  3. The day Brett Ratner quit the Oscars I saw two different pictures of him in public with his hand down his pants. Good thing you can hold a flip camera with only one hand.

  4. I hope the PSAs involve some nutty miscommunications between a black stereotype and an asian stereotype. Maybe one of the stereotypes could think the other stereotype was trying to hit on him, but the first stereotype isn’t gay, but then they learn a lesson about how being gay is great and sometimes getting hit on is flattering even if you aren’t interested, but the straight stereotype forgets his lines because he didn’t rehearse.

  5. I don’t even understand why we need any other PSA ever now that we know Purity Bear is back.

  6. I designed another shirt for you guys.

  7. “More like PSGAY” -Brett Ratner

  8. “People coming out of the closet should be listened and respected as much as the words coming out of Chris Tucker’s mouth.” — Brett Ratner

  9. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT GABE AND KELLY!!! BRETT RATNER IS THE GENIUS WHO GAVE US CINEMATIC CLASSICS LIKE RUSH HOUR 2 AND XMEN THE LAST STAND NOT TO MENTION PRISON BREAK THE GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL TIME IN HISTORY!!! WHY DO YOU EVEN WRITE STUFF ON THIS STUPID SITE!! I BET YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT BRETT RATNER EXECUTIVE PRODUCED CATFISH!!! FUCK THIS SITE!!

    • I wish people would stop mentioning X-Men: Last Stand, solely because I have somehow successfully wiped it from my memory. I have forgotten it ever existed, that I even saw it, that my friends and I laughed outside of the theater for 45 minutes afterwards as we made fun of it, and that it’s a directorial credit for Brett Ratner. But when it gets mentioned, it all floods back. So far, I have successfully forgotten about it over and over again, but I don’t want to risk it coming back for good.

      • No lie. I went to go see that movie when it was in theaters (don’t judge). About half way through the movie, the fire alarm went off. As we all shuffled out into the daylight we heard an usher say “don’t worry folks, you’ll be able to go back inside in a few minutes.” At that moment everyone who was in that theater looked at each other with the same knowing glace. We all went home feeling we’d retained a small piece of our dignity.

  10. Oh man, hahahaha! Good luck finding subjects to film, Brett Ratner!

    “Yeah, you know, I’ve been hiding my sexuality because this is Hollywood and even though I’m not ashamed of who I am, it’s nobody’s business who I sleep with and I’d still prefer getting the types of jobs that aren’t predicated on my sexual orientation, but when I heard Brett Ratner, of the homophobic slurs and questionable directing skills, was making these PSAs, I thought ‘Yeah, no, it’d be stupid NOT to do this!’” — Nobody even remotely famous

    • Could be good exposure for some young upstart looking for their big break though, whether they’re actually gay or not. What is 18-year-old non-Union actor/print model Brad Gelber doing nowadays?

  11. Read this in a Michael Caine voice:

    “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, who is enormous, but is very, very nice indeed. Which is good because you want someone that big to be nice. You wouldn’t want him to be nasty, I assure you.”

  12. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  13. This is sort of insult to injury isn’t it?

  14. I found a great dating bisexual site DATEBI*C’O'M. It is a serious& safe dating site for the bisexual and bi-curious individuals to meet in a friendly and comfortable environment. It hopes that all members can make new friends and establish romantic relationships. I have to say DATEBI*COM the best site I have ever joined so far. They verify all members. Unlike other sites,NO scammers or fake profiles here, and you can meet many rich or mature women as well, including celebs, famous stars.BEST OF LUCK!

  15. I really hope each person asks him if he wants to rehearse first before they shoot their videos. Then busts out one of Gabe’s awesome shirts under a jacket.

  16. I am totally down with Ratner being a d-bag. What he said was indefensible. But it does king of bug me that Ken Ehrlich, the Executive Producer of the Grammy’s could say the following:

    “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”

    To me, that is at least as bad as Ratner’s “rehearsing is for fags”. But no repurcussions.

  17. Long time this thread reader, first time this thread comment:

    Doug Loves Movies came to Vancouver and on the back of my nametag (which was not chosen boo) I wrote Brett Ratner is a shit head.

    Thanks for having me on the air!

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