Today’s Petting Zoo is brought to you in honor of the 4-year-old Pekingese puppy Malachy, who just won “Best In Show” at this year’s Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Congratulations, Malachy! While not all of us are fully OK with the nature of dog beauty pageants and their effect on the self esteem and self worth of contestants and non-contestants, we all applaud your accomplishment and wish you only the best. We love you, Malachy. Never forget that. We would love you more, maybe, if you had a funny video of yourself for us to watch, though? Like maybe if you had a video of yourself with a baby, and the baby was like, I don’t know, trying to give you tea or something? At a tea party? I’m not trying to force your hand with this video or anything, I’m just saying that if you had a video like that we would all maybe love you just a little bit more than we do right now. So please think about it, and once again, congratulations. Also congratulations to all of our wonderful top 10 video winners this week. YOU ARE ALL VERY GOOD!
10. Bird Stands On Grumpy Cat’s Head
9. Turtle Climbing Up The Wall
8. Monkey And Dog Wrestle
7. Dog Runs On Giant Hamster Wheel
6. Panda Steals Food
5. Bear Cub And Wolf Cub Play Together
4. Puppies Chase A Silly Man
3. Sad Dog Listens To Adele
2. Cat Changes Its Mind
1. Monkey Would Like To Be Groomed
OH MY GOD THAT MONKEY VIDEO IS SO GOOD! Ugh, I want to go to where those monkeys are so badly. Next time some jerk asks me, “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?” I’m going to respond, “Anywhere those monkeys are.” And they’ll say, “What?” And I’ll say, “UGH, I AM SO BORED OF YOU.” Because I will feel very aggressive because I will have been reminded about how badly I want to see these monkeys IRL. Anyway, the cat changes its mind video is great. I rarely enjoy cat videos, but I know when I see a good one, and that’s a good one and I really enjoy it. I almost wanted to include “sad dog listens to Adele” as, like, an honorable mention today because I feel like it violates some dumb rules that don’t even exist, but then I realized that if those rules did exist I would be the one to determine them anyway, so I PUT ‘EM AT #3! Great video. Congratulations on this video first, Adele, and then all of your Grammys second. Puppies chasing a silly man is great both because of the puppies and the very silly man. “Daaaaaaaaaad.” That’s what I have to say to him, even though he is not my dad. Everything else explains itself. CONGRATULATIONS, ANIMALS! I LOVE YOU! ESPECIALLY YOU, MONKEYS!