You can make all the fun of these videos that you want, but the fact of the matter is they actually do make you consider never having sex again. So, SUCCESS! Although, I prefer the original Purity Bear voice actor. He just sounded like Purity Bear. Yo, is that racist? (Via ChristianNightmares.)

Comments (59)
  1. Uhhhhh……WTF? “Virgins who wait until marriage have a higher success rate?” Than what? AT what? Obviously not sex, right? I mean, we all saw what happened here:

  2. 100% he dumps her the next day.

  3. Pro Tip: Never have sex with someone that eats pizza.

  4. He should have just had sex with the bear.

  5. “Don’t fuck this guy because he fucks pizza.” — Purity Bear

  6. “I love you because you’re all I’ve ever known.” – Virgin Newlyweds

  7. I think Purity Bear is onto something, but I think she (it?) omits some key facts. Specifically, while it may be true that I throw away the box when I’m done with pizza, that pizza lasts in my refrigerator for like five or six days. So that box actually hangs around for a while. And ladies, that’s what you should expect from me. A hot evening, followed by five or six days stuck in my refrigerator before I throw you out. I think that’s a completely reasonable expectation.

    • I don’t throw away the box even when it’s empty. Seriously, you should see my apartment. So I guess what the ladies have to look forward to from me is, um, being stacked on top of other hollowed out ladies after I’m done with them while the cheese stuck to their inner surfaces slowly hardens into something like granite. The up-side to this is that the other ladies in the stack can keep them company, unless I’ve hollowed them all out so thoroughly and on such a deep emotional level that they’re no longer even capable of speech. Jesus Christ, I’m a monster!

  8. “Virgins who wait for marriage have a higher success rate” [citation needed]

    Also, Purity Bear should have listened to Royalties Bear. Pretty sure they’re gonna get sued by Universal Music Group.

  9. This is all very creepy. Keep your bear claws off my body!

  10. That bear just comapared women to food. This guy’s not surprised:

  11. Live action Purity Bear

  12. This date happened on December 20, 2012. The next day, the world ended.

    The Mayan Calendar: “What are you saving it for, America’s Horny Teenagers?”

  13. How old ARE these people? He’s driving a minivan and wearing a dad cardigan. And he has terrible social skills.

    Ladies, it’s okay to have sex, but do you want to have sex with this guy? — Reality Bear

    • You better not be talking shit about dad cardigans. A good third of my cardigans are dad cardigans.

      I fucking love dad cardigans.

    • Yeah, I found his speech patterns and salesmanship to be entirely at odds with his auto and wardrobe.

      “I don’t understand this character at all. What’s my motivation?” — That actor
      “You are an unholy thing of evil who must not be kissed goodnight.” — The director/producer/writer/minister

      • Maybe he’s driving his parents’ car and wearing his dad’s clothes? You know… to seem more adult.

        I’m no Hollywood big shot (just kidding I totally am), but there is some serious disconnect in this PSA.

        And where does she live? A horse ranch?

        Do they both live with their parents bc they’re not teens, they could be in college… maybe they’re out of college and living at home?

        It just raises more questions than it answers.

        • I was thinking the astroturf on the front porch of the horse ranch was a clue. It seems like something you’d put down in front of an apartment building or dorm, so maybe she’s a student in some sort of post-graduate live-in equestrian school for girls? I could see her there.

          But I can’t imagine where he took her for dinner. Olive Garden?

          And I wish they hadn’t edited out who turned on the overhead light; that is potentially a serious clue as to what the heck is going on.

  14. Well, now I’m definitely not going to have sex tonight unless I get an opportunity to have sex.

  15. I really love you BUT WE CAN NEVER KISS GET AWAY FROM ME

  16. They should have a gay version of this.

  17. Damn it, purity bear, we need an updated version of this! When is it appropriate to go to DM? When do you poke?

  18. 3/3 of me wishes I had never watched this video.

  19. Pictured: SUCCESS!

  20. No-one’s mentioned this yet as far as I can see, so I have to mention it because this sort of thing really bugs me. This -

    “Young men who are sexually active outside of marriage are 3x as likely to experience chronic depression.”

    - is specious. The context and the phrasing lead you to infer that the sexual activity outside of marriage was one of the causes of the chronic depression. The two things might be statistically linked but in my experience, as someone who has been both depressed and a young man, it seems more likely that the correlation is due to the depressed person seeking an alleviation of their symptoms through sex, not the other way around.

    But maybe Purity Bear is warning the young girl that any guy who fools around outside of marriage has the potential for chronic depression in them and thus would not make a good life-mate. You know what? Everyone has that potential in them. I think some people are more predisposed towards depression than others but a lot of it is down to circumstance and no-one has complete control over every event in their lives. Depression can become a habit like any other if enough bad shit happens to you.

    It’s just a simplistic, misleading statement in so many ways.

    • I actually had a conversation about this statistic with a friend who works in sociology, studying gender and reproduction issues. Basically, according to her, these stats cited by abstinence groups are always pretty skewed because the majority of people active before 15 or 16 or whatever age they’ll cite are usually molested, raped or in some way accosted — which is why the numbers seem very high. But if you only study the people who engaged in consensual activities, the depression number is very low.

      And you have to factor in that 1/3 of the population has depression at some point anyway, and the type to save themselves for marriage will probably think their illness is God’s plan and not a chemical malfunction in their brain.

      I’m still curious what virgins are more successful at than non-virgins. I’m going to guess ensuring a better harvest in the fall… as they will be sacrificed for the greater good.

  21. Have u ever heard about that??? My female cousin told me about Richsingleclub,,c 0 /m . She told me it is the best place to meet rich man and hot lady whoever you want. I have tried. The outcome is fantastic. You wanna get laid tonight? Come in and give it a shot, you will find someone or something you like there. Have fun! Maybe u can find me there! ;)

  22. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  23. A higher success rate at what?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.