raed_movie

Uh, you remember RAED? Your boyfriend? The talented rapper whose raps are so good and sound like real raps and you definitely understand how someone could make them and then listen back to them and say, “Yes, I am a real rapper and that sounds like a real rap and we should definitely put it out into the world for other people because they will like it and I won’t seem so completely bonkers”? Well, he’s back with a FEATURE LENGTH “FILM.” Oh good. Just what the world wanted/needed. “Surely, if RAED released a completely unwatchable feature length “film” on YouTube, it is at least the full size of a YouTube window so that you can watch it for five minutes before turning it off in frustration but it doesn’t make you feel so angry and insane in the first 30 seconds because you immediately realize that actually however this monster output the file, the image only makes up a tiny fraction of the YouTube window in a sea of black. RAED just wouldn’t do something like that.” BUZZER SOUND! WRONG! It’s worth pointing out that I know no one is going to watch this, but someone (Videogum) needs to be responsible for posting it so that the telekinetic space mecha of the future will find it in the ice-covered wastes and remember what the humans who created them were like. We were like this, apparently:

I believe RAED himself said it best when he wrote the YouTube description:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAED THIS IS THE WAY I CHOOSE TO CELABRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF THE FREEKY G CHEEKY ME SO HEAR IT IS
the rough cut full length …happy birthday R.A.E.D
THANK YOU TO ALL THE ACTORS ON BOARD WHO MADE TIME TO BE APART OF THE FILM..
THIS IS A TRUE STORY ,,,,NO SHIT
what i say is what i spray cause what i said is more then what the fedz were aintissapaiting the ratings hit the roof in a record time 13seconds

Happy Birthday RAED. (Thanks for the tip, Robert.)

Comments (24)
  1. I made it to the 2:38 mark before my brain started pouring out of my ears, so this comment is likely my last act here on Earth. Mourn me on Twitter.

  2. I’m very disappointed that up until now, I have not watched any of the RAED videos videogum has written about, because now almost all of them have been removed. But the one that’s still up? HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN.

  3. Someone sent this to me about an hour ago, so I’m about halfway through. Man, Judi Dench just can’t say no to any project, can she?

  4. For my birthday, I am planning on just getting a fancy coffee and a new book, instead of creating an abomination of a youtube video.

    You’re welcome, world.

  5. All I know is on RAED’s next film (and there will be another – he’s just too charismatic), I hope they get a real microphone with one of those fuzzy things on it.

  6. Sometimes I worry that about 50-60% of people featured on vgum are either mentally ill or have sort of developmental disability…the other half are children and terry richardson.

  7. Die Antewoord has some competition! Finally!

  8. Shame on every single one of Raed’s friends/family who have, for whatever reason up to this point, never sat him down and said

    “Hey. Raed. Hey. Listen. We care about you Raed….look, I’m just going to call you Randy from now on, I can’t even. What kind of name is Raed. Sorry, that was out of line. Look…Randy, your rapping…it’s…have you thought about maybe trying something different? It’s just that…well, your rhythm isn’t very good. And your beats aren’t very good. And your lyrics, well they aren’t very good. And well, it doesn’t seem like you’ve put a lot of effort into any of this. And now you’re making a movie? Look Randy, have you ever taken an acting lesson in your life? I mean…I’m trying to let you down easy here, but there’s just so so much I want to get to – the main point, I guess, is that you aren’t very good at any of this – in fact you are good at literally nothing you’ve tried to do so far, and I don’t know why you would take this hard because you clearly haven’t trained or practiced music or acting or producing at all. There are people who work their whole lives and spend countless hours honing their craft, so the fact that you suck so badly at this is being a consequence of putting no effort into it at all…well don’t take it personally. I know it’s easy to look at people who are terrible at things but have had success…Nicolas Cage for example maybe? Soulja Boy? Puff Daddy? I know you look at these people and think well these guys aren’t very good either but the thing is is that even though they are not good at their craft, they are still better than you is my point. Randy, you are the worst person at all of these things…the absolute worst. I love you, and I only want the best for you, but stop doing everything you’re doing, and do something else. Anything else. Okay? Sincerely – your mother.”

    Really, shame on them.

  9. “THANK YOU TO ALL THE ACTORS ON BOARD WHO MADE TIME TO BE APART OF THE FILM..”

    I wish I could be apart from this film for the rest of my life.

  10. HAPPAEY BIRTHDAE RAED

  11. And the Oscar for best movie shot on a camera phone goes to…

  12. I actually made it to fifteen minutes in- which, oof, was made incredibly difficult by that opening song- but I must say, after powering thru those eternally long few minutes, the rest of what I saw was spellbinding; I mean, it made The Room look like a fantastic piece of art, and I don’t know if Tim & Eric could make something this terrible on their best day. Seriously, if you’re into the aforementioned references you should watch this, because its soooo so so amazingly awful.

  13. Something tells me this didn’t need to be an hour and 57 minutes long,

  14. As far as Aussie Rap movies go, the most disappointing thing is that Bangs didn’t make a cameo! No Bangs, you don’t have to take anyone to the movies, you’re in them!

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