porno_switcheroo

It’s the first Porno Switcheroo of 2012! For those of you just joining us, a Porno Switcheroo is what happens anytime that someone thinks they are about to watch a movie or video clip, whether in a civics lesson in a high school, or as part of a Powerpoint presentation at the BIG MEETING, and porno plays instead. Often children–poor, impressionable, sad children who should never have to ask any questions about the world they live in, or come to any honest and realistic understanding of what sex is–are involved, but not always. When this happens, it is dutifully entered here, into the Porno Switcheroo Archives, our nation’s best protected and most extensive research facility for Porno Switcheroos. Personally, my favorite Porno Switcheroos are when the stakes are unrealistically high, like a teacher whose job is now on the line (see: those broken, ruined children), or a priest who is going to have a lot of explaining to do to God when he gets to heaven about a) where the porno came from and b) why he was showing a clip from Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel’s Life as We Know It in the first place. But today’s Porno Switcheroo is still a pretty good one, when a father attempts to show a group of children The Smurfs at his child’s birthday party and ended up showing them a very different movie indeed. From AZcentral:

Tremonton Police Chief Dave Nance tells the Standard-Examiner of Ogden the man had rented a copy of “The Smurfs” from a Redbox kiosk and loaded the disc into his laptop. But when he turned the projector on for the children, the pornographic images flashed on the screen. Authorities got involved when the father complained somebody had tampered with the DVD. Police found nothing wrong, saying the porn was probably on the laptop.

Nance says officials aren’t pursuing charges because the incident was apparently an accident.

“The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard.

On the one hand, there are a lot of missing details here that we’d obviously love to have for a complete accounting of what happened. Like, was the “child” a boy or a girl? (If it please the court, this would determine whether or not the birthday party was made up primarily of little boys or little girls, which would help America decide how OUTRAGED to be about these destroyed, unrecoverable children who are now forever lost.) On the other hand, how great is it that as with any Classic Porn Switcheroo, the person responsible blames the computer when it was clearly just their porno buried in a misnamed folder within a misnamed folder within a misnamed folder. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Always the best. “This DVD is broken! Or it’s the computer. Or maybe the porn came in through the power cord. Help! Police! Someone SHOOT THIS COMPUTER!” We will continue to research and compile all of the Porno Switcheroos. For science!

“The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard. (Thanks for the tip, Dave.)

Comments (27)
  1. Smurfette is going to be their generation’s Slave Leia.

  2. Ah, the classic “that’s not my porn, the computer’s polarities must have reversed!” excuse. Works every time.

  3. “The Smurfs” was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard.

    To be fair, I have my…friend…has seen pornos very similar to that.

  4. My brain is desperately searching for a Gargamel pun, but nothings coming out. Instead, please accept my apology and a promise that two weeks from now, I will have finally put together a great Garganel porn joke.

  5. Why did he call the police in the first place if he knew it was his porn? This is the most perplexing.

    • Gotta keep up appearances to the end. If the choice is admit to my wife that it’s my porn or call the cops, I’m calling the damn cops every time.

      • Forget my wife – I wouldn’t want to face the other kids’ parents.

        • If the parents were at the party, then that’s one thing. But if not, I’d totally chance it. “Hey my son/daughter said there was a weird video playing instead of the smurfs” “Ah, those crazy kids, they’ll say anything. They loved the smurfs, they had a great time, hey here’s an extra loot bag that was lying around, why don’t you take for little what’shis/hername”

          Also, if you’re in a relationship and your significant other doesn’t know you have porn/doesn’t accept porn as a thing that people would like…boy oh boy, I am very very sorry. I mean it. Porn’s the first vice I’ll admit to in a relationship, because man, not only is it not something I feel is as big a deal as people make it out to be, but also, if I’m with someone who would make a big deal out of it, I’ll know that relationship is not long for this world.

          • But what if you’re into really WEIRD porn? Like, you can tell your significant other about your porn collection, but if they ever get into it, how do you explain why all of the actresses are octogenarians?

          • Then I guess my question would be why are you with who you are with if you clearly secretly wish you were with some older or quite shorter or wearing latex things or dressed as a clown (if you’re the latter of those things, please consider your choices up to this point and maybe also see a psychiatrist about the memories you’re repressing.)

          • It’s like how sometimes you marry the safe option because you know they’ll provide financial stability and be a good parent for your future children, but deep down in your heart, you would love to be out there just nailing every bearded lady that comes your way.

          • One thing we can all agree on is that Charles Schultz had it right: Happiness is nailing a bunch of Bearded Broads.

  6. The ironic thing is he only had the porn on his computer to get rid of blue balls.

  7. But did they ever get away from the wizard?

  8. My guess is that it was an unofficial version of the dvd. My friends have a Star Trek box set that is made to look all licensed like the official box set, but it’s clearly a modified version — some dvds don’t play in some players but to in others; sometimes the disc reads like it some other movie or show but plays Star Trek. The important thing here is that the first time they tried to play Encounter at Farpoint, it flashed porn first, and hasn’t done so since. But by then, they’d seen everything.

  9. The first time I ever saw porn I was about 10 at a sleepover and we found my friend’s older brother’s copy of the Dukes of Hazzard and I was like “My dad talks about this show all the time, let’s watch it!” and it was definitely a pornographic film. I was so embarrassed that I never ended up watching the movie with Jessica Simpson when it came out, though, so I guess I won that battle in the end.

  10. It wasn’t me!

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