Goooood documentary! I think there’s one thing that all Americans can agree upon, and that is that every problem in America can be solved by watching Kirk Cameron make a hilarious confused face for two hours. This guy is SO confused! Maybe he’d be less confused if he wasn’t a father of six? I don’t know, I’m just saying that it seems like being a father of six is where this all starts. Because as a father of none, this movie looks UH-VERY AH-DUMB. I’ve watched this trailer eight times and I honestly have no idea what this movie is about. He goes to a jail in England? And then he reads the Presidents’ Book of Secrets? Because he’s looking for good news? But there won’t be any good news until more tourists start visiting that one statue? WHO WILL STAND WITH KIRK CAMERON AND FIGHT FOR HIS FAMILY (OF SIX, VERY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER) BECAUSE OF THE STATUES AND THE MAYFLOWER? GUYS? ANYONE? BUELLER? (Thanks for the tip, Amy.)

Comments (57)
  1. I’m such an idiot. I thought that America’s prosperity was largely due to a combination of geographic isolation and abundant natural resources.

  2. “WE HAVE TO GO BACK!” -Kirk Cameron

  3. LOL Bless America

  4. Wait, now. Is he saying that American history didn’t happen exactly like the “Story of Thanksgiving” play that we performed in first grade? My mind is blown. WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS

  5. Oh hush, Kirk Cameron.

  6. I think he’s right. In fact, I’d also like to go back to a simpler time, about five minutes ago, before I watched that trailer.

  7. Going out on a limb here, but I bet the twist ending has something to do with Jesus

  8. “I am a student of history, and bananas.” – Kirk Cameron.

  9. This smells like something alright, but it certainly isn’t history.

  10. Also, for whatever reason (good reason) any mention of Kirk Cameron immediately makes me think of The Pillgrums.

  11. I’m calling him out on dragging that flag in the poster on the ground.

  12. Kirk Cameron knows documentaries don’t typically have hero protagonists, right?

  13. “This National Treasure movie is such a great idea, but it would be better as a documentary. Who needs all that action?” – Kirk Cameron

  14. I’m confused too. Is this an ad for a “very special episode” of Growing Pains?

  15. Seriously, why would we let the monument to wealthy, white, land-owning men fall in to disrepair? WTF, Mitt?

  16. Kirk Cameron looks good; I would still tap it.
    That said, why are conservative Christians always going on about losing America and asking us to go back and reflect on the good old days of the Enlightenment. Does he not realize that almost all the founding fathers and the majority of the 1/3rd of the population who wanted to break away from the UK were theists (the atheists of their day)?
    OK I’m going to go re-watch “Listen to Me” again.

    • That is EXACTLY what he doesn’t realize. Among so many, many things.

      He is perpetually doing a trust fall with Jesus at a church retreat instead doing anything useful — like ridding that church retreat of ghosts.

    • When I was a kid, my preacher used to tell us that America was doomed because of women working outside the home. I first learned about feminism when I asked my (working) mom why her jaw kept doing that during the sermon.

  17. I want to hear someone say with a straight face, “I was at CPAC and met Kirk Cameron promoting his documentary.”

  18. As a person with a degree in history, I find his view of history as a father of six to be completely valid.*

    *Although to make it really work, you do have to ignore the Salem Witch Trials, Jefferson, radical atheist Thomas Paine, world geography, American literature since Washington Irving, the Constitution, and all of history except about three days in 1776.

  19. Is this the film that ends with the native american in tears at what has happened to his country? Or does he just ignore the vast majority of the country’s history?

  20. It’s all so easy! Look, American (re) Prosperity* =

    Watch “Monumental” + Visit Obscure Monument + Read Forgotten Texts + Return to Mythical Founding Principles + Lots of Smiling White People

    * (This offer does not extend to blacks, gays, women, Jews, or anyone not a white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant, male landowner)

    I get it now!

  21. Clearly what we need to do is get ready of all of our technology, hop on some boats, and sail to a territory that is uncharted (except for the natives), and colonize the shit out of it. HOLD ON. KIRK CAMERON IS SECRETLY ADMIRAL ADAMA!

  22. $10 says he tries to steal the Declaration of Independence in this movie.

  23. Bring back scarlet fever!

  24. I was not prepared for the Ronald Regan scroll at the beginning… Cant’ stop crying with laughter… stomach hurts…

  25. I am SICK of us white men always having to swoop in and save all you guys all the time! Get it together!

  26. I could watch at least two hours of Kirk Cameron being visibly dismayed by different statutes and monuments.

  27. I would be more on board for this serious documentary if Tim Riggins played the part of Kirk Cameron.

  28. Wake up and smell the HISTORY.

  29. According to the trailer, it’s coming soon to “theatres,” so you know it will be a classy production.

  30. Kirk talking about how cramped and uncomfortable conditions on the Mayflower were is definitely going to be the only time in the movie anyone mentions overcrowding on boats during America’s history.

    • Traveling aboard the Mayflower was like the worst coach flight you can imagine. Traveling as a slave on a trading ship was like being strapped to the outside of an airplane, if you can imagine (you can’t).

      Kirk, if you’re out there, you’re welcome to use my simile.

  31. Good look of fortitude at 1:07.
    Good Celtic rock at 1:08.

  32. “You can smell the history!”– I have a degree in History, and I don’t remember ever being told to smell something to ascertain the history from it. But, that may be why I don’t know Kirk Cameron’s REAL history that can be solved by people visiting a statue?

  33. I love the end. “See MONUMENTAL and Kirk Cameron in theaters…”

    So Kirk will actually be in the theater for every show! Color me THERE!

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