I’m sure many of you are already so upset about Valentine’s Day. “I’m not dating anyone this year, so that’s why I’m upset.” Or, “Why do I have to do something special on this one arbitrary day when I love my significant other all year long?” Or, “Wah, wah, wah, I’m just a baby.” And that is fine. You definitely don’t have to like Valentine’s Day. But also, can you RELAX about hating it so much? Are you also upset about Mother’s Day? That’s what I want to know. “Why do I have to celebrate mother’s day when I love my mother all year ’round.” “Why do I have to have a birthday party when I’ve been alive for 30 years.” “Why do we have to have a Christmas tree in the apartment when we’re all Jewish.” I don’t know, because sometimes things are just NICE? Even if they don’t make any sense? Things like spending money on buying people real flowers, even though money isn’t cheap and real flowers die REAL fast. And oh, speaking of that, here is an instructional video about how to make a bouquet of duct tape flowers that you should please not do, because nooooooooo!!!!!!

Well ok, maybe you can do this for someone but only if you are in one of these scenarios:

  • You are on a film set or something and you aren’t dating the person you’re giving the duct tape roses to but you guys accidentally made out at a wrap party once and it’s been weird but you still like her a lot and you want to date her, but you don’t want to seem creepy. So at some point when she’s around and you guys are both not really doing anything, you can start making her the flower as if you’re just playing around with duct tape. And then you give her the flower like it’s no big deal, just some thing you made just then, but also because you like her.
  • You work at like a bicycle store or something and there’s a girl who comes in a lot because she’s always breaking her bike for whatever reason and while she’s there waiting for her bike to be fixed, you make her one of these duct tape roses like it’s no big deal and hand it to her like, “Hahah, look what I just made, by the way are you doing anything next week, NOT on actual Valentine’s Day?”
  • You’re at a bar and there’s duct tape around for some reason and you’re talking to a girl, and while you’re talking to her you make her one of these and you act like you’re not even paying attention to what you’re doing. Then you present it to her and she is impressed because she didn’t even notice you were doing that.
  • You work at Home Depot or something like that so there’s always duct tape around (I assume?) and you have a crush on one of your coworkers, so you do this for her on your lunch break and leave it for her to find someplace that she always goes. It’s cute because of how there’s always duct tape around at the job you guys share (I assume?) so it actually means something.
  • You and your significant other always talk about how much you hate Valentine’s Day, but you actually kind of like it and you know they do too.


Comments (17)
  1. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I am afraid I will forget.

    This goes out to all of you monsters.

  2. Real flower/duct tape flower – who gives a shit now that the ladies will be paying for Valentine’s Day?

  3. ducktape flowers, for the 99%

  4. Cougar Town comes back tomorrow!!!

  5. There is one more scenario where duct tape roses would be 100% appropriate:

    - You or your loved one are Zooey Deschanel

  6. Valentine’s Day is the best because it’s the day that I eat chocolate and publish my list of the ten hottest celebrity men of the year.

  7. I’m going to be making Valentine’s for my coworkers from the Hey, Girl I Like The Library Too meme.

  8. Duct tape roses….the new way to get that divorce you’re afraid to ask for.

  9. I love Valentine’s Day. I buy myself a present and it’s always exactly what I wanted, I order take out from my favorite restaurant, and I drink a bottle of champagne all by myself. No joke, being single on Valentine’s Day is pretty great.

  10. HAPPY GALENTINE’S DAY, EVERYONE! (Make sure to treat yo self to some spa time and waffles.)

  11. Ok, so duct tape roses are lame. I hope that doesn’t mean I can’t still make a heart covered with red and pink tissue-paper squares scrunched around a pencil tip and glued on.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.