For anyone who’s lost contact with their children:

At a certain point I am certain that we as human beings will evolve to the point where we can breathe underwater through our neck gills stop holding on to the unevolved belief that one is “rapping” just because one understands “how to rhyme words together.” But that will apparently take hundreds and hundreds of years, so for now we have nothing to do but roll around in this primordial swamp together like a bunch of fucking assholes. (Thanks for the tip, Gregory.)

Comments (30)
  1. My names KajusX and I’m here to say-

  2. If you take away the music and lyrics, Lawyer Mike really expressed himself beautifully.

    • If you take away Lawyer Mike, you have one of the smoothest grooves this side of the Mississippi

      • If you take away the Mississippi, your comment has no point of geographic reference.

      • These smooth groves of which you rave. I started the video here in my office not realizing the sound on my computer had been turned up to volume level 11. So, I started blasting these smooth grooves across the whole building, and I’m positive the accountants on the otherside of the wall probably think I was watching porn.

        I’m glad no one came and asked me about it, because attempting to clear things up by explaining it was just a video about a guy expressing how much he loves his little girl would have gotten me escorted out of the building in handcuffs.

      • If you take away Lawyer Mike, his daughter’s sense of abandonment might finally become too great to overcome by the power of rap balladry.

  3. Lawyer Mike, if you won’t rest your case, who will?

  4. Lawyer Mike is a really slick, relatable rap name. He should form a group with Heart Surgeon John and Investment Banker Steve.

  5. Cool blazer.

  6. This one goes out to my caseworker, my homies in family services, my divorce lawyer Tim — and all my other kids that are hiding from me.

  7. “Too bad. If his jacket was a duster, this would be so much cooler.” – Its Always Sunny cast

  8. I dunno, I’m kind of digging Die Antwoord’s new mellow direction

  9. Gahh! Four minutes of continuous vocal fry may induce panic attack.

  10. I get the feeling that his estranged daughter only reconnected with him because she heard he had a record deal.

    • It’s definitely either that or some sort of legal trouble.

      “There are only two things you go to Lawyer Mike for.” –a broken yet emotionally hardened Lawyer Mike

  11. Lawyer Mike might want to stop talking about things that run through his veins if he wants to get his kids back so badly.

  12. I wonder how long it took him to decide that “Lawyer Mike” was catchier than “Makeupless Juggalo>”

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.