Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: you excited for valentine’s day?
Gabe: the most magical day of the year?
Kelly: Uh duh yeah hello
Kelly: I love love
Kelly: And I love celebrating it
Gabe: oh good
Gabe: you got your wallet ready?
Gabe: is your wallet packed?
Kelly: WIth what? Coupons for hugs?
Kelly: Yeah I guess
Kelly: There are a few
Kelly: Nothing else though, why?
Gabe: well, it turns out, and i didn’t know this either
Gabe: but women have to pay for valentine’s day
Gabe: says Martha Stewart
Gabe: she told seth meyers and now we all know
Kelly: WHAT???????

Kelly: That’s bologna, women pay for Valentine’s Day ALL YEAR.
Gabe: with what?
Gabe: with what money?
Gabe: where did the money come from?
Gabe: a man, probably
Kelly: Well I don’t know where the money comes from, it just shows up in our bank account!
Kelly: The thing is
Kelly: Why would the woman pay for Valentine’s Day
Kelly: when she is a woman
Kelly: and the man is a man?
Kelly: That’s the thing I don’t understand about it, overall
Gabe: well, i guess the trade off is
Gabe: the man has to buy you a diamond
Gabe: in exchange for dinner
Gabe: so ultimately you do come out on top
Kelly: Hahah oh
Kelly: Well that’s fine, then, I guess?
Gabe: yeah, no, actually
Gabe: it’s kind of a bum deal for us DUDES
Gabe: a whole diamond? for Valentine’s Day?

Gabe: if anything, this is why people who don’t have a special someone
Gabe: on valentine’s day
Gabe: should be happy instead of sad
Kelly: Well, it’s called love, Gabe.
Kelly: Haven’t you ever bought anyone a diamond for Valentine’s Day?
Kelly: Haven’t you ever CELEBRATED IT?
Gabe: i’ve totally celebrated valentine’s day, not that it’s any of your business
Gabe: it was so romantic!
Kelly: Did she like the diamond?
Kelly: Did you enjoy the dinner?
Gabe: not enough, apparently
Kelly: :(
Gabe: hahahaha
Gabe: “with this dinner, i thee wed”
Gabe: that is what you’re going to say
Gabe: to your beau on valentine’s day
Gabe: as he slips a diamond into your purse
Kelly: Hahaha
Kelly: Well don’t ruin it
Kelly: Jesus
Gabe: Martha Stewart ruined it
Gabe: with her Bill Maher’s New Rules
Kelly: Ugh you’re right. That was going to be my big reveal on Valentine’s Day.
Kelly: Nah uh put that credit card away
Kelly: It’s 2012, Bridesmaids, and I’m paying.
Gabe: “nah uh”
Gabe: very romantic
Gabe: “nah uh. Happy Valentine’s day, dude.”
Kelly: Hahah + a card that says wazzap when you open it

Gabe: ugh
Kelly: But now all the plans are out in the open and ruined.
Kelly: Because Martha Stewart had to share the rule
Gabe: haha right
Kelly: that all women have known forever
Gabe: wait
Kelly: but have kept under their hats.
Gabe: what?
Gabe: so you ladies knew the rule the whole time!?
Kelly: Wait what?
Kelly: Oh no I mean
Kelly: We knew, well
Kelly: That there WAS a rule
Kelly: That somebody
Kelly: had to
Kelly: well
Kelly: Yes, we’ve all known the whole time.
Kelly: But it’s like the rule that you don’t have to tip the owner of a restaurant, that I learned once from Gilmore Girls.
Kelly: Right?
Gabe: uhhhhhh
Gabe: i imagine you
Gabe: going through most of your life
Gabe: doing things that appall other people
Gabe: and then just going
Gabe: “That’s what I learned on Gilmore Girls.”

Kelly: Hahahah
Kelly: That is too close to the truth to even make a joke about it
Gabe: i wasn’t joking
Gabe: that is literally how i imagine you
Kelly: Well perfect do you want to know how I imagine you?
Kelly: WELL
Gabe: hahahahaha
Gabe: “I imagine you being perfect”
Gabe: “and never being wrong”
Gabe: “or making any mistakes.”
Kelly: “I imagine you getting all your mistakes out between the ages of 2 and 3 and now everything you do is correct.”
Kelly: “And then something about The Wire and Justified.”
Kelly: “And THEN something about Michigan.”
Kelly: “The end”
Gabe: you got most of it right
Kelly: “Follow my dog on twitter the end.”
Gabe: except i got all my mistakes out between 2 and 2 and a half.
Gabe: thanks, you’re probably still making mistakes all the time
Kelly: Well one thing I learned from Gilmore Girls is that you never stop making mistakes and that’s fine as long as you learn from them. Even moms make mistakes.
Gabe: did the Gilmore Girls teach you how to get a new job?
Kelly: :( yes
Gabe: good, because you’re

Comments (41)
  1. Screw diamonds. I only ever want one thing for Valentine’s Day.

  2. Gilmore Girls is the only teacher you need. It also teaches you a lot of pop culture references so you don’t have to actually watch other things to sound cool. Like this one time, my high school English teacher was really impressed that I got a Godfather reference he made in class, but the only reason I got it was because of that “Whack him with a cannoli” joke on GG.

  3. Hey, fellas – are you dating one of those ladies who thinks Valentine’s day is a really important and meaningful holiday? Then GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.

  4. Does this rule apply when taking a high class escort out for a meal, because this could result in some real $avings.

  5. I like how Gabe says “pay for Valentine’s Day” not Valentine’s Day Dinner, you have to pay for the entire day ladies

  6. It might be cool to say “I learned it on Gilmore Girls,” but I’ll warn you guys that the cops are not impressed when you tell them that you learned it on Breaking Bad.

  7. “It’s 2012, Bridesmaids, and I’m paying.”

    The Help:Racism::Bridesmaids:Sexism.

    You’re welcome, ladies! And gentlemen!

  8. Ugggh I hate Valentine’s Day because why do I need a card company to give me one specially sanctioned day a year to show a girl that she’s a beautiful princess when I can be choosing to do that EVERY day of the year like women deserve. Form an orderly queue, LADIES. Only 6 days to get on board.

  9. Kelly, re: writing “That’s bologna” instead of “That’s baloney.”

  10. Ladies, you need to definitely listen to Martha Stewart on this one. She has a sparkling track record regarding money matters and the handling of said money.

  11. I’m sad that GG means Gossip Girl now. It will always stand for Gilmore Girls to me!

  12. This is going to be the first year ever that I’m not single on Valentine’s Day. Couldn’t Martha Stewart have kept her fat mouth shut so I could get a free Valentine’s Day at least once in my life?

  13. In a recent phone conversation with my sister, aka “A Friendly Chat With KajusX & Chainsaws And Wee-Waa PrincessPants,” she told me she HATES the conceit of Valentine’s Day because she knows it’s an absolute bullshit holiday, yet she’ll get upset if her husband doesn’t do the Valentine’s Day thing. She said it while completely recognizing her behavior as psychotic, and just went, “Yup. That’s how this works. Where’s my card?”

  14. “You pay no you pay no you pay no you pay no you pay no you pay infiniti.” -Ellen Degeneres’ house on February 14 probably.

  15. Oh man if I’m paying for the day then we’re DEFINITELY just getting take-out and watching Twin Peaks. Actually, if I’m paying maybe I’ll just cook? Is that what this is? A way to get (cheap) ladies back into the kitchens?

  16. I’m more of a February 13th, Galentine’s Day, kinda broad.

  17. You know, whoever is paying, if you ask your buddy to buy your girlfriend flowers for Valentine’s Day and get him to sign the card, don’t then reimburse your buddy in front of said girlfriend and say “thanks for doing the card too”. And don’t then take that same girlfriend out for dinner the day AFTER Valentine’s Day and admit out loud that you’re doing it because you didn’t want to bother getting reservations on the actual day because it’s too much trouble. I mean, theoretically.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.