This baby knows what’s up. Mac and cheese? Fuck you, pay me. This baby’s first order of business upon receiving his million dollars is going to be to pay his mother to never say “hungies” again. His second order of business, once he finally has the respect and attention of his family, will be to end the tyrannical use of the word “daddy” to refer to a man he doesn’t even love. This man will henceforth be known by his legal name, Bill. And the baby’s third order of business, of course, will be to buy a solid gold pacifier, a fur-lined diaper, and a Bugati Veyron. (Via BlameItOnTheVoices.)

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Comments (18)
  1. is he playing with a cell phone charger? whatever happened to Tinker Toys?

  2. The first order of business for every baby ever born is to funnel money away from its owners. I’m just glad this one is finally admitting to it.

  3. The only baby in the world whose favorite movie is Boiler Room.

  4. This is just an E*Trade ad waiting to happen.

  5. “You know what’s cooler than a million dollars? A Thousand dollars!” — Babies, because they can’t do math.

    • Or because they appreciate the benefits of hiding money in order to take advantage of a lower tax bracket.

    • It’s true though. I once knew a little man that would not get excited about any unit of measure unless it was an even 100. 120 mph? nothing. 4 thousand dollars? nothing. 100 sprinkles on his birthday cake? THROUGH THE ROOF!!!

  6. That cat is obviously schooling him on the side.

  7. I suppose this explains why Notsewfast left us to play the ponies all day.

  8. This capitalist ass kid has me smmfh.
    And I have to echo scooterbeanbag’s sentiment at the top, WHY the Cell phone charger? Is mommy trying to let him get electrocuted the next time he sees his plaything, and it JUST SO Happens to be Live in the wall (because drunk mom and absent dad left it in the wall, and him alone for 5 minutes)?

    • Why the dad gotta be absent? Don’t you think it’s a little sexist to assume the Dad is the one who’s never there? Couldn’t MOM be gone and DAD is the one who’s drunk with the kid?!

      • She Asked the child if he wanted his father (obviously not there in this video, the sole window I have into their lives). That said, he could be at work, or in the bathroom, IDK, I was simply making a point joke and face taco is that guacamole or baby poop bc p. U.

  9. are we sure this isn’t a ransom video?

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