Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi, kelly
Kelly: How are you feeling?
Gabe: pretty good
Gabe: you?
Gabe: type it
Gabe: don’t say it out loud
Gabe: i am sitting in the same room with you today
Kelly: Oh yeah, I do see you in this room
Gabe: but I don’t want to RUIN THE MYSTIQUE
Gabe: of our friendly chats
Gabe: with the sound of your VOICE
Kelly: No, please do not
Kelly: I’d rather never hear what you sound like anyway
Kelly: So I can read your posts in the voice I imagine
Gabe: you won’t
Kelly: PERFECT.
Gabe: well
Gabe: once
Gabe: you will only hear the sound of my voice once
Gabe: and that will be when the phone rings
Gabe: and you answer it
Gabe: and someone just says “You’re fired” and hangs up
Gabe: that’s me

Kelly: Ok well, great
Kelly: I’m glad we have that sorted
Kelly: So the question hanging in the air right now is how am I feeling
Kelly: And I want you do know that I am feeling very bad
Gabe: uh oh
Kelly: Because the Fear Factor episode that I have been looking so forward to
Kelly: Where young women are made to
Kelly: ugh
Kelly: I honestly
Gabe: out with it
Gabe: say it
Kelly: :(
Gabe: which episode were you looking forward to?
Gabe: you can’t even say it?
Gabe: some fan
Gabe: with fans like you Joe Rogan doesn’t have fans

Kelly: The Fear Factor episode during which young women are made to drink donkey semen and urine
Kelly: Is NO LONGER BEING AIRED!!!
Gabe: oh my god
Gabe: you are actually crying
Kelly: GABE DON’T LOOK AT ME
Gabe: haha, YOU ARE A BABY CRYING LIKE A BABY
Kelly: IF FEELS GOOD TO CRY SOMETIMES
Kelly: WHEN YOU ARE VERY SAD
Kelly: ABOUT FEAR FACTOR
Gabe: it’s weird that they only pulled the one episode
Gabe: i really feel like they could have pulled all the episdoes
Gabe: and also Men in Blacked our minds
Gabe: so that show never existed
Gabe: i’m just saying that seems like another option
Kelly: Yeah, no, that seems like a fine option as well.
Kelly: It could be that that is their plan
Kelly: And they’re beginning the process now
Gabe: well, i guess i am glad that they are pulling the episode
Gabe: even though America already saw someone drink cow semen
Gabe: when Steve-O did it
Gabe: on Jackass
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Right, so we all already know what it looks like.
Gabe: yeah
Gabe: just show us
Gabe: we know
Kelly: We get it, we’re picturing it right now
Kelly: Can’t stop picturing it
Kelly: So why don’t you just put it in front of our eyeballs
Gabe: was the semen mixed with the urine? or two glasses?
Gabe: kelly, ANSWER THE QUESTION
Kelly: Two glasses as far as I know
Gabe: lame
Kelly: Idk
Kelly: I feel like it would be less gross if they were mixed?
Gabe: why?
Gabe: why do you think that?
Gabe: show your work
Kelly: The consistency would maybe be less gross for the semen part of it, which would obviously be the most difficult part.
Kelly: The urine would be made more difficult
Gabe: gross
Gabe: you thought about it too much
Kelly: But I think overall if you could get the semen down more easily
Gabe: you’re fired
Gabe: that’s gross
Gabe: i’m calling HR
Gabe: and reporting how much you thought about it
Kelly: That’s fair
Gabe: i mean, the saddest part of this story
Gabe: is not that we live in a world
Gabe: where there is a show called fear factor
Gabe: where contestants are forced
Gabe: to drink donkey semen and urine for our entertainment
Gabe: but rather that we live in a world
Gabe: where some people willingly drank donkey semen and urine for our entertainment
Kelly: Right
Gabe: and that shit
Gabe: won’t even BE ON TV

Gabe: hahahah those dudes
Gabe: way to go, guys
Kelly: And they are upset that it isn’t going to be aired
Kelly: Which is kind of strange to me
Kelly: I’m upset that this discussion is even going to be aired
Gabe: well, it makes sense
Gabe: i mean
Gabe: if you’re going to go through with it
Gabe: the least they can do
Gabe: is PUT IT ON TV
Kelly: I’m honestly feeling sick
Kelly: every time I think about it
Gabe: hold it together
Kelly: I almost can’t
Gabe: you have to
Gabe: i’m right here
Gabe: but, like, the only thing worse than being the person who drank donkey semen and urine on TV
Gabe: is the person who drank donkey semen and urine for NOTHING
Kelly: Hahah right
Kelly: Well, I’m sure they won at least 45 billion dollars for doing it, correct?
Gabe: probably
Gabe: that number def sounds right
Kelly: At least they are left with their 45 bil
Kelly: and their proven willingness
Kelly: to do anything it takes to entertain.
Kelly: And that is certainly not nothing
Gabe: well, it’s not proven
Kelly: oh right
Gabe: because we will never see it
Kelly: haha right, nevermind
Kelly: It’s nothing
Gabe: it’s their ALLEGED willingness
Gabe: to entertain
Gabe: as far as we know
Gabe: Steve-O is still the only entertainer out there

Kelly: That’s the truth
Kelly: Want to know what my favorite quote is
Kelly: “What I ended up doing was vomiting in my glass, and just drank that. The cameramen were vomiting.”
Kelly: “What I ended up doing” is why it’s my favorite quote.
Kelly: Because it’s like that was her strategy
Gabe: did you see the one where Steve-O made an omelet by eating all of the vegetables and raw eggs and then throwing them up into a pan and cooking the barf and then eating that?
Kelly: Uhhh no
Gabe: i just feel like why are we even talking about this fear factor thing
Gabe: did Steve-O die?
Gabe: no
Gabe: he is out there
Gabe: READY AND WILLING TO GIVE US A SHOW
Gabe: some dilettante trying to get all the flags on the hanging platform
Gabe: pretending like they’re insulted
Kelly: You’re right. And he has the means to show it to us, whatever he wants to do.
Kelly: So this is all kind of beside the point, I guess.
Kelly: The point being
Kelly: Can we watch Jackass after this
Gabe: i just feel like Steve-O would have never allowed his show to get pulled from the air
Gabe: but if it had been pulled
Gabe: he wouldn’t go on some Morning Zoo radio bitching about it
Gabe: like some asshole
Gabe: he would have just gone out in the field
Gabe: and found a new way to make us all smile
Gabe: it’s called SHOWBIZ

Comments (54)
  1. Cow semen? I call bull%$#$&.

  2. somewhere out there, there’s 4 or 5 people, dejected that they drank donkey semen for no reason.

    • My real honest belief is that this is does not make it any worse for them. not because its futility is unimportant. It is super important. but more because the feeling you have about how you drank donkey semen, at all, is kind of like absolute zero in the feelings of regret department. They cannot even register a slightly worse regret about this whole situation in its entirety at all

  3. “What I ended up doing was vomiting in my glass, and just drank that. The cameramen were vomiting.”

    Just when I thought this gif was out, this chat pulls it back in again.

  4. “Steve-O did it” is our generation’s “The Simpsons did it.”

  5. If I drank a glass of donkey semen and urine for 45 billion dollars (which I would totally do. I mean 45 billion dollars! Hell, I’d do it for 1 billion) but the catch was that thousands of people would have to watch me do it on national TV, I would be psyched that it doesn’t get to be shown. I mean, if it doesn’t get shown then nobody really knows what I had to do to get my 45 billion dollars. They could talk all they want, but I’d be sitting in my gold house, 45 billion dollars richer and the rest of the country none the wiser.

    • But then you wouldn’t be on tv. That’s the rub, see? That’s where they get you.

    • I know, right? Like why is “Boo it didn’t get aired anyone’s immediate reaction.

      It’s like… doing something illegal, let’s say. Like burglaring. And your goal is to get a bunch of stuff. So you go into the house and try to get a bunch of stuff. And you know you’ll feel guilty after…that’s kind of assumed. So you go rob the house (successfully) and you make out with all the stuff, and then later the next day you’re watching the news on your brand new TV (you are an awesome thief) and you find out the person you were robbing from was an ex-nazi or Mitt Romney, or the lead singer of Muse or something. Well you won because you stole stuff, but also, now, you don’t even have to feel guilty, at all.

      Amazing analogy #analogyawardnominee

    • “but I’d be sitting in my gold house, 45 billion dollars richer”

      assuming you didn’t attain your gold house for free and that you had to use some of your winnings to purchase/build it, you would have less than 45 billion remaining.

      #busted

      • But! Your net worth, WHICH WOULD INCLUDE YOUR GOLD HOUSE, would still be at least 45 billion dollars.

        Probably even more, as the value of the real estate increased!

      • Naw, once you have 45 billion, you can just live off the interest and pay the capital gains tax. You don’t spend the 45 billion, you live off the like, 1 billion a year in baby money from the massive money orgy. Plus, you can probably get any kind of mortgage you like when you have 45 bill in collatoral.

  6. come to think of it, i would rather drink donkey semen than be on this pile of shit

    • Someone on twitter, I’m pretty sure it was a comedian, referred to Guy Fieri as an anthropomorphic Doritos chip. I think that’s damn spot on.

    • Minute to Vomit: you have to eat your own vomit or guy fieri calls you ‘brother’ and eats a chili dog in your kitchen every day until death do you part

  7. Can anyone think of a name that for that theoretical “mix of donkey urine and semen” drink ?

    Anyone?

  8. Factual Error:

    Steve-O drank horse semen, not cow semen.

    Actually, maybe just error error. This whole chugging semen business is one big error.

  9. Kinda hate myself for knowing this, but the Jackass guy who drank horse semen was Chris Pontius. Also that animal was a horse, because cows don’t produce semen, on account of them all being ladies.

    themoreyouknow.gif

  10. Just think of the consequences of airing an episode of a highly influential TV program that depicts characters drinking donkey semen and donkey urine. Think about what would happen if this mindless act of rebellion took hold of our youth and there was an outbreak of this kindof behavior throughout the highschools and college campuses of America. Think about this for only fifteen seconds max, and then stop thinking about it and never think about it again.

  11. This whole situation is just a major frowny face.

  12. I heard the episode was pulled because when they heard that girls were swallowing semen for money and fame, the producers of Jersey Shore filed for copyright infringement.

    • I heard it was pulled because Rick Santorum protested the donkeys’ right to life (after he was assured that human/donkey cross-breeding would not come as a result of the girls swallowing semen)

      • Santorum was also protesting that the show was getting ahead of themselves, as the ‘logical’ progression was first gay marriage, then sex with dogs and only later would the consumption of donkey semen become acceptable.


  13. Do not cry in front of Gabe about the semen, do not cry in front of Gabe about the semen, do not cry in front of Gabe about the semen.

  14. Dear Gabe and/or Kelly, your talk about being in the same room got me to thinking: do you have an actual Videogum office suite or do you just run this out of your living room? Because on one hand, this seems like a legitimate business venture for which you might want an office to project an air of professionality, but on the other, all you really need for this site is Youtube and imagination. Whichever way it is, you’re going about it the right way. Have a wonderful day

    • OOH OOH Can we have a Videogum cribs episode, perhaps hosted by Max and or Gabe Liedman featuring your office/living room workspace and your diamonds?

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