It’s here! The annual “Hollywood” issue of Vanity Fair! Each year, Vanity Fair publishes 4 issues with Johnny Depp on the cover, 6 issues with John F. Kennedy Jr. on the cover, one Royal Family issue, and of course the Hollywood issue. (What a great magazine! I think my favorite thing about it are the cover articles about Cher.) This year’s Hollywood cover features the following actresses: Jennifer Lawrence, Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain, Rooney Mara, Elizabeth Olsen, Lily Collins, Shailene Woodley, Paula Patton, Felicity Jones, Brit Marling, Adepero Oduye. I will give you one guess on whether the actresses of color appear on the outside of the magazine or folded up on the inside of the magazine. (Hint: “the 1997 hit film, Amistad.”) (Vanity Fair could try to argue that the cover alignment simply represents a star’s actual box office draw, except that I’m pretty sure more people saw Paula Patton’s Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol than all of the movies featuring the front cover actresses combined. Ding dong! I rest my case!) This is always a very fun caption contest because there are so many choices! Will you make a The Hunger Games joke about Jennifer Lawrence? Will you make a Rooney Mara joke about what is up with Rooney Mara? Will you make a who is Mia Wasikowska joke? It’s up to you. YOU are the Hollywood big-shot now! (No, you aren’t.)

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, also known as “A Civilian Oscar.” (Click the image to enlarge.)

Comments (90)
  1. Somehow, Gabe takes the cover of “Hollywood” issue of Vanity Fair and makes it about racism. He has a point, but Jesus Fucking Christ.

  2. What a great bunch of Muses.

  3. Where Isn’t Jessica Chastain? That Denny’s in Topeka? No she’s probably there too.

  4. take THAT Dr. Pepper 10!

  5. I’ve never heard of any of these actresses

  6. I am glad that Mia Wasikowska is finally out of treatment.

  7. Vanity? Yes. Fair? Never.

  8. Ladies can’t act. Everyone knows that. What’s next? Comedy? Go back to the kitchen at the Daily Show.

  9. Introducing the Fresh Young Stars of 2012 or if you prefer the The Tabloid Hit List of 2013.

  10. Phil Collins’ Daughter and The Olsen Twins’ Sister together at last

  11. That’s the sound of crashing.

  12. Sooo hungry.

  13. When asked if he felt snubbed by Vanity Fair over not being featured on their Hollywood cover, Gosling simply said “Yes”, then broke down into sobs and ran out of the room. His whereabouts are still unknown.

  14. Rooney Mara and Mia Wasikowska are the only women I know in this picture.

  15. Um, Michael Fassbender is in that issue. BRB. [sound of my tires squealing]

  16. Young Hollywood poses for a future trivia question.

  17. They’ll put all those women on the cover, but not one shot of the bear who can detect them from their syncing menstrual cycles. That’s rascist.

  18. So which one is Gossip Girl then?

  19. so i guess my mom wasn’t lying when she said she couldn’t find enough satin to finish making my cape in time for my TV appearance

  20. Wednesday Addams: The Sorority Years

  21. What a weird-looking kitchen. Oh, what’s that? I’m in the wrong kitchen? Mine is around the corner? Okay, thank you, I do apologize.

  22. “What a glamorous looking kitchen.” — Chareth Cutestory

  23. At least “The Artist” was in white AND black.

  24. Young Hollywood, once again dressed as Old Hollywood.

  25. i can’t wait until they reunite for a Honda CR-V commercial in 26 years.

  26. Vanity Fair doesn’t have to carry a picture of an African American person in their wallet this year.

  27. I feel like how the mise en scène of the cover effectively communicates the message. White flowers! White furniture! White backdrop! White lettering! White makeup! Say what you will about Vanity Fair (racist), but they know their audience (racists).

  28. Would be better if they were all, like, almost making out.

  29. I don’t really see what the whole “racism” issue is – clearly, the editors know that bent elbows and arched backs aren’t nearly as appealing to the eye as ramrod straightness (no hetero).

  30. The cast of Bridesmaids is represented by the ugly dresses.

  31. Not even one Kardashian? It’s like they don’t even know what the public wants!

  32. “not as beautiful as America, my friend.” – Mitt Romney talking about this article, or a bank in the cayman islands

  33. “not as beautiful as America, my friend.” – Mitt Romney talking about this article, or a bank in the cayman islands

  34. Is Rumer Willis on this cover? If not, why not?

  35. so, how many of these ladies breasts have i seen……

  36. Dear Vanity Fair,

    Thanks so much for putting a picture of all those new, young Hollywood Starlets on the cover of your magazine! I like them, so you can imagine I was sure pleased to see a picture of them on the front of your book. It is nice for you to put pictures of things I like on your magazine front part.

    For future reference here’s some other things I like: I like tomatoes, umbrellas (all kinds), some dogs, most cats. There’s a cat in my neighborhood named ‘Speedy’ I’m awful fond of. Maybe you could put a picture of him on your magazine! I don’t know if you would send a “photo-grapher” to *take* a picture of him, or a “sketch artist” to *draw* a picture of him, but you’d better be quick because they don’t call him ‘Speedy’ for nothing! :) lol

    Oh well, all the blood’s leaving my head now, so I’d better sign off.


    The Emptiest Person Alive

  37. Shailene Woodley: Why am I the only one who has to pose like I have debilitating lower back pain?

    Brit Marling: I have a premonition “FREE WILLY: The penis in cinema” is going to be plastered next to my head and I’m so mad right now!

  38. 65 comments in, and no one has photoshopped Michael Cera in there yet?

    A rare miss, Monsters.

    I would do ti my work computer doesn’t have Ps.


  39. Which one is James Franco?

  40. Btw, I thought Adepero Oduye was great in that one episode of Louie, where he hits on her at the grocery store then rides with her to Harlem all in an attempt to ‘get to know’ (re: hopefully, really, when all is said and done, sleep with) her.

  41. “Who would want to ‘R’ them?” — Megan Fox

  42. “Her? Her? Her? Her? … Her? Her? Her? … Her? Her? Her? Her?” — Michael Bluth

  43. Where’s Lana Del Ray?

  44. More like the HollyWOOD Issue.
    Cause pretty girls give me wood … ya know, a boner. Lucky for me, so do downvotes.

  45. spotted: Sophie’s choice joke. I leve it to you to make the meta-jokes about their weird sophie’s choice joke.

    • I JUST NOTICED THAT TOO! Then I did a text search to see if anyone else spotted and commented about it, and it led me HERE! TO YOU! That’s fucked up, right?! I guess it’s a bullet dodged that at least Cary Grant and Carlo Ponti aren’t Jewish? Still. What a terrible thing that magazine headline is!

  46. Hollywood – where everybody looks the same

  47. (Mostly) whites in nice satin.

    It is a reference to a Moody Blues…ah fuck it.

  48. Rooney, you can break character now. No really. ENOUGH.

  49. Pierre B. Cherer  |   Posted on Feb 2nd, 2012 -3

    Since I don’t see race, I have no idea where the actresses of color are in this picture. All I see is women I have never seen in any movie or tv show.
    My guess is this Rooney Mara person is probably of color, her name sure does sound like a running back from Alabama.

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