Are you tired of NOT having a million dollars? Waking up every morning, putting your clothes on yourself, eating a normal breakfast or sometimes NO BREAKFAST AT ALL? Because you don’t have time? Because you have to get to your gross job? Because you haven’t had a million-dollar idea that you somehow convinced people was normal enough to produce and make a comercial for? WELL, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Mr. GoJo doesn’t have that problem! (I assume. I assume he has made at least a million dollars in the time I saw this commercial this morning until now. You’ll see why. Soon, when you see the commercial.) And all he had to do was come up with a solution to a problem that all of us have every day of our lives: Not having our phones stuck to our faces. Ugh, OF COURSE someone beat us to it.

And to think, we’ve been rubber-banding our phones to our faces for YEARS without a patent. Well, NEVER AGAIN! Consider every one of these ideas newly patented*:

  • ShooTape: Tape, but for when you have a hole in your shoe.
  • LittleCoaty: A tiny coat that folds out into a much larger coat, so you can put it in your purse.
  • HairFix: A wig that looks like your normal hair on a pretty good day, so if you wake up and don’t want to do your hair you just put on the wig. Or if you do your hair and then it’s raining outside.
  • ClickRemote: The remote from Click.
  • Eat-ables: Tiny little things you can eat.
  • GlassFix: A second pair of glasses, basically. For if you break your first ones.
  • NeckGlasses: A necklace that you can put your cup in. These exist but I’m pretty sure that no one has thought to call them “NeckGlasses,” like “necklaces.” #doy
  • HatPurse: It’s a hat, but you put all of your stuff in it so you don’t have to carry a purse.
  • WheresMyKeys: You get a magnet put into your hand, and then a magnet put on your keychain so your keys are always in your hand.
  • PretendDog: A dog that is like a dog in every way except that it is not a real dog, so you can have it even if you can’t have a dog in your apartment and also don’t want the responsibility.
  • SleepMask: A mask you wear while you sleep. It absorbs the sleep that you don’t need for the next day, and then you can wear it when you NEED sleep and it’ll give some of that other sleep back to you.

Please believe me when I say that this is just the TIP of the ideas iceberg. What do you think of these ideas, guy from that commercial from before?

    YEAH! THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! #littlecoaty #trendingworldwide (Thanks for the tip, Antonia!)

    *Not patented
    Comments (76)
    1. Not nearly as coveted as the hands-free BloJo.

    2. 0:43 “It’s so simple-” pokes self in eye

    3. VideoGum: A chewing gum that tastes like trampoline accident videos.

    4. It is so simple old dude loves it!

    5. Hey, I found a new avatar for some enterprising commenter:

      • New regulations require that the Gojo be redesigned to hold your hands-free devices a minimum of 2 feet from the users head.

        • Not sure why this is a reply, but it is funner to visualize this configuration being used with a 5 lb laptop. I’m pretty sure it would have to be anchored to your ear, or have a chin strap or something. Guys I wish I could post a picture of what this looks like in my head, because the crowd of voices in there thinks it looks hilarious.

          • i think the point of the demo is to show that the device can hold the weight of any phone.

            clearly you are smoking weed Zayin cuz you make no sense so here’s a pic you’d like better

    6. I’m going to start using “Successful” as a response for anyones answers:

      “DSN, did you get that email I sent?”
      “Successful.”

      “DSN, to you take Jason to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
      “Successful.”

      “DSN, how is your night out drinking with your friends?”
      “Uhhhhh, eh – unsuccesff–” *vomit*

    7. KardashianFilter – Filters out all Kardashian mentions, images, retweets, etc

    8. “Brainstorming session guys. What’s something really successful?”
      “… bluetooths?”
      “Ok bluetooths. That’s good. Now how can capture that same idea of hands free cell phone use, but in a way that is considerably less convenient and makes you look like a dumbass?”

    9. MaleBirthcontrol — You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

      #usingmydadsoldjokesascomments

    10. ClockArm – A wristband with a suction cup on it that attaches any clock to your arm.

    11. File this under:

    12. GoLand – Attach it to a plane’s autopilot for when you defeat a bunch of terrorists and need to land safely despite all the blood in first class.

    13. You know, I feel very self conscious when I have my bluetooth ear piece on in the grocery store because people might not see it and think I am just talking to myself.

      If I could attach my phone or laptop to my head, no one will ever think I am crazy!

      Thanks GoJo!

    14. SleepMask: A mask you wear while you sleep. It absorbs the sleep that you don’t need for the next day, and then you can wear it when you NEED sleep and it’ll give some of that other sleep back to you.

      Kelly, you’re joking, but I really, really wish this was a real thing for me to have.

    15. Are you tired of waiting forever to find out if your cell phone will give you a brain tumor?

    16. EarRingFone: the only completely hands-free device for your phone that doubles as a chic fashion accoutrement!

    17. Knee socks for dogs.

      Hear me out!! My dog gets weird hot spots on his toes, so I bought a bunch of baby socks to put on his feet, which usually work. (Easier than the cone, the elastic is strong enough that it won’t fall down if he’s just hanging out, no walking issues, etc.) But because they’re designed for babies, they’re not high enough to go over his dog knees so they fall down too often and just don’t cover other sections on his paws that can get hot spots too. So… Convince a baby athletic sock maker (I know Gabe is tight with some clothing designers in Brooklyn) to make longer baby athletic socks — but for dogs and with slightly stronger elastic as my dog is way more active than a goddamn baby. Give the socks cute piping and you could sell them for 3xs the price to neurotic dog parents.

      • And by neurotic dog parents I mean parents of neurotic dogs and neurotic parents of awesome dogs who happen to chew on their feet because they have allergies or whatever causes hot spots.

        Also? The infant sock thing seriously works. My vet now recommends it to parents of dogs who have similar issues.

        • I’ve made that with hair ties, and it doesn’t really work.

          Also: I’ve tried the baby socks on salt, but it’s the same issue you’d have if you were in the salt/snow with just socks. Holds in the salt, holds in the cold and water. Booties are way better for your sitch, if you can get them on.

          My tip is exclusively for negating hot spots… though if he gets one on his little dog knee, I’ve cut out the bottom of the sock and he wears them like dog leg warmers — which is both fashionable and useful.

      • http://www.dogsocks.com/ is still available, although I’m pretty sure they do make dog socks, also very expensive dog booties with vibram soles.

        • Good idea! Now we just need to get Gabe to pull the strings on that underground clothing manufacturer company he knows in Brooklyn and this post has paid for ITSELF.

    18. There’s gotta be a better name for this device. Headphone? Phoneband? Geekhead?

    19. RemindToos: temporary tattoos to remind you to do important things

    20. A built-in Ziploc baggie that comes with your cereal box.

      Sorry, can’t think of a clever name right now.

    21. Isn’t this Gojo Hands-Free?
      [img]http://www4.uwm.edu/pps/Sustainability/CampusInit/images/Gojo-dispenser.jpg[/img]

      • I have no idea what I’m doing it seems.

        • gotcha back Bro! Just don’t include the codes next time. Just the address straight.

          • Zayin, this is like you’re 9th posting on this topic. Clearly you have a man crush on the Gojo Guy.

            ===========

            HELLOOO????

            @ Bluetooth supporters…

            Um, BLUETOOTH’S don’t work! Sound like under water. Batteries charging??
            And they can get HACKED within a miles radius around you someone can hear every word you say and see every text, picture and video in your phone. DUH???

            the GOJO at least works! It’s your phone.

            Fast + Convenient + Effective + Cheap = WINNER

            PS.

            I’d rather look like a “DUMB ASS” with the Gojo, and it works…

            than look like a DOOSHH BAG wearing a Bluetooth! lol

            GOJO WINS. Hands down and hands free

    22. Can I just break my (legendary) silence on Bluetooths, because they kinda relate here? Are we in agreement that they are the worst, and that most people that wear them just want to give the appearance of being important, fast-lane (good term) business execs when really they are just assholes? Not everyone, because sure, some people are just on the phone so much that having it attached to their (fat) heads is warranted and practical, but most people? No way!

    23. A FEW THINGS that PEOPLE THOUGHT WERE CRAZY when they came out:

      - Airplanes “flying death trap”
      - Cars “rolling death trap”
      - Condoms “put that on my what??”
      - Seatbelts “strap myself into the death trap?”
      - Television “just a fad”
      - The Gojo Hands Free

      TRY TO BE MORE THAN BRAINWASHED CATTLE, people.

    24. just found this on line, the GOJO is also a VIDEO CHAT STAND for face2face and movies
      Can bluetooth do that?

    25. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/h685n.jpg[/IMG]

    26. dang i can’t post pic…
      try this..

    27. Damn why didn’t i think of that? I wanna be a millionaire. Tears.

    28. dude gojo hands free is 420 friendly

    29. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/3pmF1.jpg[/IMG]

      love the GOJO HANDS FREE!

    30. GoJo Hands Free on Ellen Degeneres

    31. GoJo Hands Free Ellen Degeneres

    32. [Imgur](http://i.imgur.com/OG04Y)

      GoJo Hands Free Ellen Degeneres

    33. Ellen Degeneres GoJo Spoof

    34. GoJo on Ellen Show Degeneres

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