Unless you are a doctor or a famous person, you never really expect the responsibility of saving a life to fall solely, and heavily, on your shoulders. I’ve never experienced it myself, but there was an instance in my life wherein I was speaking to the electric company on the phone (my roommates and I thought we had been overcharged) and it was very frustrating, and I really didn’t want to be the one to talk to them anymore. So I mouthed to my friend, “Can you please talk to them now?” And they said, “No way.” And I mouthed, “PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE,” and extended my hand holding the phone to them, while they backed away and shook their head. At that moment I didn’t know what to do, and soon realized the only choice I had was to continue to speak to the electric company for grueling minutes upon minutes before figuring out that we hadn’t really been overcharged after all. I didn’t save a life that day — not really, at least — but I did do something that I didn’t want to do. Which I’m not sure is what we were talking about before? I guess the whole point is that some are born heros, some achieve heroness, and some have heroness thrust upon them. Like I did in my story. And this little pizza hero did in HER story.

An incredible story, not only because little Rita knew to call 911 and didn’t freeze up in a tense ball of fear and tears like some of us would, but also because she remembered to use the Pizza Plan we all had to rehearse time and time again in grade school Heath class. 1. Pick up a piece of pizza. 2. Slap the person in the face with the piece of pizza. 3. Wait for results and go from there. Please take this as a reminder to remember to slap anyone you think may need a quick health boost in the face with a piece of pizza before you do anything else. #pizzasaveslives #themoreyouknow (Via Rats Off!)

Comments (36)
  1. Has anyone considered this technique for our economy?

  2. This situation involves pizza, but, for one little girl, it was no party.

  3. 30 compressions. 2 breaths. 4 cheeses. Now that’s one delicious resuscitation.

  4. CPizzaR

  5. “What do you want on your tombstone?!?!?” – that little girl

  6. Last night, a deep dish saved my life.

    Totes didn’t make this joke 45 mins ago.

  7. D’Artagnan!

  8. Something tells me this story gets the “Steve Winwood Seal of Approval.”

  9. Unconscious mom?

    Put it on the pizza!

  10. Some grown-ups go unconscious just for the pizza. I know, I used to idolize my parents, too.

  11. 1. Did she consider other slapping options?
    2. Was the pizza already available?
    3. If it wasn’t ready, was the pizza delivery or frozen?
    3. If it was frozen, did she use the microwave or the stove?

  12. unfortunately, this is her mom:

  13. I think some people are missing the story here. I don’t think this brave little girl slapped her mother with pizza in order to resuscitate her. I think she saw a window of opportunity. She’s thinking “Mom’s down, unconscious….yeah, I’m eventually going to call for help, but first it’s time for a little payback!” Who among us hasn’t considered battering an unconscious parent with a food item?

  14. just wait til you get to college, little Rita. you will be able to do tons of fun things to passed out people.

  15. This reminds me of the greatest baseball broadcast I’ve ever seen. It was opening day, I believe 2006, at Fenway Park, and an incident occured that will live in infamy.

    http://www.ownedclip.com/owned-videos/Boston_Pizza_Massacre/

    • I love Boston, and I fucking love Jerry and Don, even more when they get bored. I once listened to them talk about lanyards for a good fifteen minutes.

  16. I look forward to the angry Letters to the Editor at the New England Journal of Medicine arguing the relative merits of Chicago deep dish vs NY style.

  17. her new superhero costume

  18. Mom regains consciousness in the ambulance and asks the EMT, “Who are you? Where am I? Why is there pepperoni in my hair?”

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