Mel Gibson is back in court, but this time he’s on the other side of the law: THE RIGHT SIDE. (This will be a blog post about a celebrity photo, and also a Hollywood pitch for my new legal drama, The Right Side.) Well, maybe. He’s actually just a prospective juror. Which basically means that he is not a juror. Are you kidding? It’s Mel Fucking Gibson. Even Gene Hackman in The Rural Juror would be like “uh, no thanks.” Why did they even let him in the room? Like, make him watch the VHS copy of the Jury Instructions infomercial in the holding room, yes. He’s an American citizen (wait, is he?) just like everyone else, and so he should have to watch the VHS copy of the Jury Instructions informercial just like everybody else. But then stamp his hand with a blacklight-sensitive rubber stamp (I know how law works) and send him on his way. No Re-Entry. Trust me, your honor. “Justice has been served. Check please!” (That is a line from my spec screenplay, The Right Side. Starring the puppet from The Beaver as Detective Male Gibsun.) I rest my case.

Winner will receive special mention in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. SUSTAINED! (Image via TheSuperficial.)

Comments (62)
  1. I’m reserving my caption for the upcoming “The Puppets Court” version of this image.

  2. “I keep forgetting, lawyer guy…are you a jew?”

  3. Okay I’ll acquit but you will blow me first

  4. Mel, it’s “yes, your honor,” not “sure thing, sugartits.”

  5. “Your honor, we the jury find the defendant… Sugar tits.” – Mel Gibson, Foreman.

  6. Peremptory strike.

  7. “I”m getting too old for this shit”
    “That was Danny Glover’s line.”

  8. “I guess you could say that the jury’s still out on the Holocaust.”

    No, I’m not proud of myself, why do you ask?

  9. Mel Gibson looks so sad.

  10. I would hate to see who has Mel Gibson among his/her peers.

  11. No, Mel. I’m pretty sure they abolished torture as a capital punishment a long time ago… Yeah. I’m sure… Well then I’m sorry, too, I guess.

  12. “Hey Soderbergh, put your dick back in your pants! Everyones know you’re circumcised!”

  13. It’s my civic duty to please that booty.

    *applepiehubbub’s note: excuse me, I have to go take a shower now. New low.

  14. “I deserve to be here as much as the rest of these Jewrors.”

  15. The Yin and Yang of brow lines.

  16. Sorry, Mel. They rejected you because there’s just not enough room in the jury box for both you and your cross.

  17. “did I hear the judge say ‘jews’?”

    “no. she said clues

    “oh…there. did the judge just say ‘booze’?”

    “no. again, she said clues.”

    “wait…there…what’d she say? ‘boobs’?”

    “no, mr. gibson she said ‘sugartits’.”

  18. What Women Want….is Mel Gibson to not be on this jury

  19. “Your honor, I can tell it wasn’t rape, because I know What Women Want.”

    “Oh, it’s not a rape case? A guy hit a pedestrian and sped off? Well, that’s what we call Chicken Run. I know all about that.”

    “It’s not… oh. Don’t mind me, I’m a Lethal Weapon in the jury box sometimes.”

    • “Did he take a ransom? did he use a lethal weapon? I have a few conspiracy theories, I used to be a singing detective.”

      • “Sure I’m a Patriot, but I won’t be Tickled Pink if this thing goes past Father’s Day (uncredited). At lest they put us in a Million Dollar Hotel…i wonder if they make good Hamlets.. ” #imdb

        • Are you CERTAIN the defendant didn’t Throw Mama From The Train when he was Out of Africa? Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot! (am I doing this right?)

  20. Mel Gibson in John Grisham’s Runaway Sanity

  21. “They’ll never take my freedom of speech!”

    “Stop saying that, Mel.”

  22. ” i made ‘the passion of the christ’ so i basically know what’s right and wrong” – mel

  23. “Get off my jury.” – Harrison Ford seated next to Mel Gibson

  24. Your honor, on the charge of rape we have looked at all of the Signs, and we can conclude that this man is no Braveheart. If he were What Women Want, he wouldn’t have to go around using his Lethal Weapon like some sort of Maverick The Beaver. He is clearly on the Edge of Darkness and we the jury demand Payback. Case closed, Jews!

  25. Mistrial waiting to happen.

  26. One Angry Man

  27. The funny thing is he didn’t even get a jury duty notice in the mail. His agent was just desperate to send him on an audition and heard there’d be 11 other angry men there.

  28. “Jury Duty? Shit, I thought they said Jewry. And I’ve had a hard on since Malibu.”

  29. boop boop Jury duty. boop boop law-yers. boop boop speeches. boop boop court-police guy. boop boop i muted my phone. boop boop other lawyer. boop boop showed up drunk. boop boop lawyer talking. boop boop. jews run the media. boop boop hot typing lady. boop boop jury duty. boop boop law-yers.

    - Mel Gibson Jury Duty Freestyle

  30. “The judge told me I had a ‘criminal obsession with hot glue’, do I have to disclose that when the form asks about felonies?”

  31. Rockatansky v. Wez

  32. “We can condemn people to death and be put into rose gardens, right?”

    “She jaywalked, Mel. Goddammit…”

  33. Jew won’t get away with it!!!!

  34. “I’m just happy to be working again.” – Mel Gibson

  35. “Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?”

  36. He’s going around acting like a normal person for his upcoming movie, “No, I’m Still Batshit Insane.”

  37. I DESERVE TO BE BLOWN FIRST BEFORE THE $#%ING JURY!

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