Andy Rooney turns 90 years old today. That is so many years old. That’s almost all of the years. It was like big bang, then dinosaurs, then Andy Rooney crawled out of the ocean. You know how they say that if Earth’s history was one year, then human history would be 20 minutes, or something? So by that math, Andy Rooney has been alive for 19 minutes. And so many more jokes about how old he is!

What’s funny is that I thought Andy Rooney had gotten out-of-touch in his old age, with his televised essays about owning six cheese peelers, or whatever, but it turns out he was basically always this way. From Wikipedia:

According to CBS News’s biography of him, “Rooney wrote his first television essay, a longer-length precursor of the type he does on 60 Minutes, in 1964, ‘An Essay on Doors.’

An Essay on Doors? Classic. The Andy Rooneys keep getting older, but the boring things Andy Rooney chooses to talk about stay the same boring.

We wanted to do a collection of Rooney’s best clips, but they’re all basically the best, and there are over 15 billion of them to choose from, so instead, in honor of the man’s entry into the elite and sickly-smelling nonagenarian club, we offer a few of the best impersonations of Andy Rooney (which, it turns out, are also the worst impersonations of Andy Rooney). After the jump.

This guy

This kid

This guy

Joe Piscopo

Frank Caliendo

The fact that these guys are all so bad just goes to show you that there’s no improving on perfection. Happy birthday, Andy Rooney.

Comments (11)
  1. That SNL digital short is … wow.

  2. yeah Gabe – fake rap? really?

  3. I wish Joe Piscopo as Andy Rooney had his own web series on how to make money in the rap game.

  4. Lizzie  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    You left out Beavis – “You know what I dont understand, why is it when I pick my nose, its full again a minute later” and “Why do they call it taking a dump, I am not taking it anywhere. They should call it leaving a dump.”

  5. I think you have been remiss in conceptualizing this post not to publicize further The Andy Rooney Game. Far more entertaining than all these shitty impersonations!


    • So, so correct, sir. If I was a kid in the Make a Wish program, my wish would be that more people knew about the Andy Rooney game, and that there was some sort of society dedicated to archiving every Andy Rooney segment in this fashion.

  6. gap  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    HOW on earth did you miss Tracey Ullman’s:

  7. Just saw ol’ Andrew on the tv box the other night talking about how he and his friends used to buy fireworks and set them off in his neighborhood…

    … cool.

    I’m sorry, but if it baffles you how Dane Cook gets to be a comedian, it should also baffle you how Andy Rooney gets to be on television.

  8. Celebrity Gossip  |   Posted on Jan 15th, 2009 0

    Happy Birthday Andy Rooney..You set a special part in our life…Wow..I hope I could have that age as same as you and have a strong personality.

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