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I haven’t seen The Artist yet, because I don’t really want to, and I’m sure it’s very good and that I would like it, but, I don’t know, leave me alone about it, but one thing I do know about The Artist is that it features a wonderful dog who was the highlight of last week’s Golden Globe Awards. UGH THAT DOG WAS THE BEST! Who would’ve thought, a 14-hour award show full of humans and a tiny dog shown for 15 seconds steals the whole thing. Just wonderful. –OR IS IT?!!?!? Beginners Christopher Plummer, at Newsweek’s Oscar roundtable, BEGS to differ. BEGS being capitalized because it’s vaguely attached to the idea of DOGS. From Newsweek:
There’s a stir in the room when the surprise seventh star arrives—Uggie, the scene-stealing 9-year-old Jack Russell from The Artist. Should one address him in English or French? Swinton, not one to be starstruck, falls to her knees before the canine. “Hi, Uggie, you are such an amazing dog!” she says, insisting on a photo of the two of them together. Not everyone is so happy to see the pooch. Plummer expresses frustration that Cosmo, Beginners’ remarkable Jack Russell, isn’t getting the same awards-season attention. “We had the better dog,” he declares, with his best silken patrician diction. He doesn’t seem to want to pose in the group photo with Uggie—the competition!—and no one is quite sure whether his reluctance is serious or sly.
Oh yeah! Sometimes you’re so happy about something that you don’t realize it’s something you should be UPSET ABOUT! THAT BEGINNERS DOG WAS MUCH BETTER THAN THAT ARTIST DOG! Again, I haven’t seen The Artist because leave me alone, but I HAVE seen Beginners and BEGINNERS WAS GREAT! Booooooo Uggie! YAAAAAAAY COSMO! This should be the final award announced at The Oscars. The “which of these movies had the better Jack Russell” award. And only dogs can be in attendance for it. With dogs as the award announcers. And dogs as the whole crew. And anyway, WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?! (Via Vulture.)
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“Our Jack Russell was the best.” -Kelsey Grammer, Golden Globe Winner
“Oh snap girlfriend, he know what to do with THOSE tossed salads and scrambled eggs!” -Perez Hilton probably
The time is Nowooooooooooooooooooooo Awooooooooh
“Who do you think would win in a fight between Uggie and Cosmo?”
And the Barky goes to…..
Is it too late for Cool Dog to be nominated? What about that Marley & Me prequel where Marley can talk for some reason?
But I thought Marley could talk in Marley & Me. Wait, what? That was Jennifer Aniston? Woooof.
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!“
now that this is out he will soon issue an apology and accuse the journalist of Von Trapping him into taking a side.
Both these Jack Russels need to learn to respect their elders.
Why can’t the both be honored in a halftime ceremony at the Puppy Bowl? And by “honored”, I mean “be allowed to sniff all the butts.”
Uggie is far more likable. All that fame went straight to Cosmo’s head.
I loved Beginners (and the dog from Beginners), but alas, where Swinton goes, I must follow.
You need to watch this video of the discussion, my friend. It’s amazing.
I did, and it is. Thank you for alerting me to its existence. You have done me a mighty boon on this day, and I swear that your services to the House of Tables shall not go unrewarded.
I really want Plummer to be completely earnest and serious about this issue because it’s a lot funnier that way
Listen, Plum. Some dogs are beginners, and some dogs are artists. Accept it and move on.
Well, let’s see.
Uggie was in a silent movie and he didn’t have a single subtitle to convey his dog emotions.
Cosmo was in a talkie movie and he had several subtitles to convey his dog emotions.
Uggie for the win.
Like dogs care.
That description of the dog oscars award ceremony reminds me of that dog disco thing that made the rounds on the internet recently. Rad reminiscence.
“We had the better dog,” [Plummer] declares, with his best silken patrician diction, while twisting this reporters arm behind his back in a gross parody of a chicken wing until said reporter agrees with Plummer’s canine thespian stance.
Plummer, still using diction as clear as the water of Avalon, instructs this reporter that he will release his arm until he cries out in anguish for his father’s brother.
TEAM COSMO.
TEAM UGGIE
Yes, I’d like to see War Horse in a tux.
WAR HORSE IS NOT A REAL MOVIE.
They should make a movie only with dogs — maybe from the same litter — but each dog has a separate personality. One dog should definitely rap, while another is a Buddhist. Then they should make those dogs go into outer space or save Christmas or something. It’s just a thought. You’re welcome, HOLLYWOOD.
That’s actually the working idea for my biopic. It’ll be directed by Crispin Glover, and hits theaters this Christmas! It’s guaranteed to succeed!
Also a movie where the president of the united states is … a duck!? He shits out of his mouth when he quacks.
Could the dogs also run a hotel together, and the hotel could be a hotel…for dogs?
In Rwanda?
I’ll bet you any money that Cosmo put Plummer up to this.
That insecure canine (FYI that’s not even his real fur) has been trying to sabotage the artist that is Uggie from the start!