WAZZAP DUDES? How’s “it” hanging? Good/Normal? Have you eaten a lot of food today? Were you happy when New York’s team won last night, or were you mad? How long have you been wearing the pair of boxer briefs you have on right now? Cool, cool. It’s great when we have time to just chill out with each other and catch up. How’s your GF? You send her flowers recently? She’d probably like that, don’t you think? Cool, it’s w/e. Anyway, sooooo, do you know how to speak English? If you do then you are in luck, but if you do not I have a commercial to show you! It’s coming to you from CCAA, a language school in Brazil, and it features a lot of Megan Foxes and poses the question: What if you find an island with a lot of Megan Foxes, and then all they want to do is TALK to you? And then it gives you the answer: Nothing, because you don’t know how to speak English anyway, and maybe you should’ve taken some classes?
I know if I found a deserted island with a bunch of Megan Foxes I wouldn’t want to waste any time talking to them anyway, AM I RIGHT FELLAS? I’d just go right to touching her face. And then I’d talk at her, but only rhetorically. “How do you look like the way you look?” I’d ask. “Remember when you were in the Diablo Cody movie?” “Your teeth look so nice, isn’t it weird how some people just get to have all this perfect stuff about them? And it’s like, how did that all come together? Oh but don’t you have a weird thing with your toes or whatever? Do you think it’s like God made you and then Jesus was like ‘God, GMAFB’ and then God was like, ‘Fine,’ and then messed up your toes or whatever, and then Jesus was like, ‘Gahhh-oodddd.’ Because that was not what Jesus was talking about? Are you listening to me?” Also: Mike Tyson. (Via Uproxx.)